Why should I wait for sex?

Sincerely,
Just Askin’

Dear Just Askin’,

There are two ways to answer your question.  One way to answer your question would be to list the thousands of statistics that describe how much healthier of a lifestyle monogamy is.  We could explain the risks of promiscuity and the increased failure rate of relationships that pursue intimacy before marriage.  There are studies far and wide that prove the healthiest, happiest, and most well-adjusted relationships are monogamous relationships that wait until marriage… but that isn’t the way we are going to answer your question because as compelling as secular studies are, they aren’t nearly as compelling as the Bible.

The other way to answer your question is to tell you that God says sex outside of marriage is a sin and that we should flee all fornication (1 Cor 6:18).  God designed that level of intimacy for marriage only (Eph 5:31).  Our Creator knows what is best for us, and His Bible says sex outside of marriage is a sin.  That is why you should wait.

Our daughter, who is seventeen and living at home, has a boyfriend who is nineteen.  He wants to move out on his own and experience something new.  What would be your advice/approach when dealing with them spending time together alone at his new place, going over to visit, watch movies, etc.  Although they have given us no reason to not trust them, I am having problems giving permission to this "alone” time.

Sincerely,
Concerned Parent

Dear Concerned Parent,

Different parents will give different advice in these circumstances, but you aren’t crazy for having concerns.  The important thing is to be able to explain things to your daughter and her boyfriend in biblical terms.  Whatever your decision is, if you can give Scripture for your feelings, it will take the trust issues out of the picture.  As you said, it isn’t about these two trustworthy young people; it is about the natural temptations and passions of youth.  So here are some verses that can be used in your discussions:

1. God says that it is natural and normal for young people to be attracted to one another (1 Cor 7:9).  This is a natural part of the romance process, but it is also important for them to not put themselves in a position where this attraction can lead to regrettable decisions in the heat of the moment.
2. The Song of Solomon is a poetic book of the Bible devoted to romantic love.  The chorus of that song says, “don’t awaken or stir up love until he pleases” (Songs 3:5).  God’s warning to those in the courtship process is to not force things and not to go too fast.  The goal is to slow down and get to know the person… the risk of spending copious amounts of time alone is that the relationship begins to speed up in all the wrong ways.
3. A reputation is a difficult thing to build but an easy thing to destroy.  Your daughter and her boyfriend currently have good reputations, which are more valuable than riches (Pr 22:1).  Part of your job as parents is to help protect their good name.  When a young woman spends a lot of time at a single man’s apartment… it looks a certain way.  This is worth explaining to them.

You will need to decide what conversation to have with your daughter and her boyfriend when and if he gets an apartment, but those are some Bible verses to help provide context to the ground rules you will set.

What happens to a child that dies shortly after birth?  And what comforting words can I tell a mother and father whose child died after being born?

Sincerely,
Empathetic Friend

Dear Empathetic Friend,

There are no words that can remove the pain that a parent feels when they lose a child – their grieving hearts know a pain that is all their own (Pr 14:10).  There is a grieving process that they must go through (read “Great Grief” for details on what the Bible says on grieving).

However, you can know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the baby is in Paradise with God.  King David settled that question when his son died.  David was in great distress and sorrow because his child was sick and dying (2 Sam 12:16-17).  Yet, when the baby died, David stopped his distress and fasting (2 Sam 12:19-20).  When David’s astonished servants asked him why he was better considering the child just passed away, David simply said, “I shall go to him, but he will not return to me.” (2 Sam 12:22-23)  David was keenly aware that all children go to heaven.  You can confidently tell any grieving parent that their baby is in the arms of a loving Father.

I have two questions:

1. I am a married woman, and in the Bible, it says that a wife’s desire is to please her husband, but what if I don't have that?  Is it a sin?  And what if I don't want it?

2. Is it wrong to pray and ask God for a way out of my marriage?

I also want to let you know I'm a christian and love God with all my heart, and I love my husband and do treat my husband well, but I think he needs someone who wishes to please him.

Sincerely,
Runaway Bride

Dear Runaway Bride,

The verse you are referring to is Gen 3:16, and it has to do with the fact that the husband will rule over the household, and the wife will be his helper – it has nothing to do with the personal desire to make someone happy.  The Bible instead says that it is often very hard to want to show respect and love for your spouse – that is why it is a command (Eph 5:33).  God commands us to do things because they are things that are good for us… but not necessarily what we want to do.  Many women don't want to please their husbands, but they choose to do what is in his best interest anyways.  True godliness is built upon a decision to do what is right, even when you don't feel like it.  So to answer your first question: you don't have to feel a strong desire to please your husband, but you do need to try and be a godly, faithful wife.  When you stop trying, that is a sin (Jas 4:17).

To answer your second question: yes, it is wrong to pray for a way out of your marriage.  God doesn't desire for marriages to be destroyed (Mal 2:16), and He wants marriage to be for a lifetime (Mk 10:6-9).  We are told to never pray for things that go against God's will (1 Jn 5:14).  Praying for a way out of your marriage is definitely against God's will.

I don't want to sound blasphemous, but if God is a just god, why would people that haven't had a chance to be baptized or haven’t had a chance to hear the Word of God be condemned to hell?  I’m not talking about ignorant people; I’m talking about people in third-world countries who the missionaries don’t get to that just grew up in a different culture.  I refuse to believe that if those people are good people, they would be sent to hell.

Sincerely,
It Isn’t Fair

Dear It Isn’t Fair,

We would caution you about saying you “refuse to believe” something before studying the Bible’s teachings on the topic.  One of the main reasons that people are lost is because they are unwilling to accept the Bible’s teachings over their own preconceived notions.  With that in mind, let’s look at a few teachings on this topic.

1. Just because someone is ignorant, doesn’t mean they aren’t at fault.  God tells us that anyone who seeks the truth will find it (Matt 7:7-8).  The Bible is the most widely available book on the planet – just because someone hasn’t read it, doesn’t mean they didn’t have opportunity.
2. People go to hell because of their sins (Rom 6:23), not because of Jesus.  Jesus’ death on the cross is a cure for mankind’s self-inflicted spiritual death sentence.  It is the same as a disease outbreak – the disease kills people, not the lack of a cure.  If Jesus had never come, and none of us had ever heard of Jesus, we would all have been lost.
3. God tells us that everyone has been given enough information to seek Him.  Rom 1:20 says that the very beauty of the created universe speaks of God’s existence and leaves mankind without excuse.  God has provided an “all call” message anyone can hear through the wonder of His creation.
4. God doesn’t desire anyone to perish (2 Pet. 3:9).  God won’t make any mistakes on the Day of Judgment, and no one will accidentally end up in heaven or hell.  He is compassionate, loving, and ready to show mercy (Ps. 86:5).  If someone goes to hell, it is because the most faithful and loving Being in existence believed that is where they should be.

God is the final judge.  We will all face Him when we die (Heb 9:27).  The best thing we can do is make sure we are prepared for that day.