Is a marriage performed by a woman (clergy, not a judge) valid in God's eyes?

Sincerely,
A Don’t In The “Do”?

Dear A Don’t In The “Do”,

If a couple was married by a woman religious figure, it is probably safe to assume that they weren’t yet christians when they got married.  1 Cor 7:17 and 1 Cor 17:20 say that when someone becomes a christian, they should remain as they are called.  This means that when you become a christian, your pre-christian marriage (along with other commitments) remain valid.  So, if one were to be married by a false religious leader, the marriage would still be valid because the vows still count.

Which brings up a second point.  Marriage is a vow between two people.  Whether it is witnessed by a Justice of the Peace, a ship’s captain, or a minister – it is still a vow.  Who performs the ceremony is a secondary issue from a Bible standpoint (Matt 5:37, Matt 23:16-23).

I am a teen who grew up in the church, and both my parents were converted when they were teenagers.  Their marriage is in a pitiful and sad state.  If they weren't christians, I have no doubt in my mind they would have divorced long ago.  The main problem that I see is simply that my mother has become strongly embittered against my father, and she acts on her emotions; too often in an ungodly way.  She yells, slams doors, accuses, lies, and other things.  She scrutinizes everything about him and truly defines Solomon's teachings of "a rottenness in his bones" and her contentions "are a continual dripping."

I feel as a fellow heir that I have a responsibility to intervene and help resolve all the sinful behavior.  The roles in the house may be upside down, but I still want to honor my parents.  How do I balance the two?  Is there something I can say or do to help end the misery for everyone?

Sincerely,
Troubled Teen

Dear Troubled Teen,

There is a unique pain that is felt as we watch loved ones struggle through life… but sometimes ‘watch’ is exactly what we have to do.  Having personally spent many sleepless nights because of our own parents’ marital struggles – our heart goes out to you.  We wish we could tell you that there is an easy solution, and if you step in and get involved, it will change everything, but that isn’t true.  Sometimes, getting involved can make things worse.  Pr 26:17 says that getting in the middle of someone else’s disagreement is like grabbing a dog’s ears.  You’ll get bit every time.  Just because you feel you have the solution and see the situation clearer than your parents, doesn’t mean that they would be receptive to hearing it.  The most likely scenario is that you would add fuel to an already burning fire.

Another thing to consider is that your advice isn’t likely to be accepted by either parent because you are their child.  Jesus said that a prophet has respect except amongst his own family and in his own house (Mk 6:4).  Time has not made you equals with your parents, and you aren’t in a position to help them – it just isn’t the way life works.  This doesn’t mean you are wrong or that you are seeing things incorrectly – it just means they won’t listen because you are the child and they are the parents.  Whether or not you are correct is irrelevant.

But all of this doesn’t mean there isn’t anything you can do.  Jesus’ preaching didn’t affect his family, but his lifestyle did.  Multiple times in the Bible it says that Mary saw Jesus’ behavior and “treasured these things in her heart” (Lk 2:19, Lk 2:51).  Jesus’ example made a lasting impact upon His family.  When you see your parents fighting, calmly walk away.  If they ask why – tell them it hurts you.  When you have a chance to show respect to your father and love to your mother, do it.  As parents, we can tell you that mothers and fathers notice these acts of selflessness and maturity in our children more than they ever know.  Many parents have become better people because of the example of their children.  You can’t preach to them, but you can live a sermon every day.  And most of all, remember that regardless of what your parent’s marriage looks like, it isn’t your fault and it isn’t your burden.  You are only responsible for you, and someday if you get married, you can apply the lessons you are learning now to change your family tree so that your children don’t need to feel what you are feeling now.

What happens to a believer that commits suicide?   Will he be saved still?  What does the Bible say about the eternal security of a believer?

Sincerely,
Looking For A Guarantee

Dear Looking For A Guarantee,

Suicide can send you to hell, and the teaching of eternal security isn’t biblically accurate.  Let’s deal with them one at a time.

Suicide is murder, self-murder, and is therefore very clearly a sin (Rev 21:8).  The only difference between suicide and murdering someone else is that you don’t get a chance to repent after suicide.  Suicide is a final decision and leaves no room for correction or for asking forgiveness.  It is a willful act of disobedience against God without opportunity for repentance.  The final judgment belongs to God (Heb 12:23), but we certainly wouldn’t want to face that judgment with our own blood on our hands.

The teaching of eternal security says that it is impossible for someone to lose their salvation once they become a christian… this is false.  The Bible clearly states that people “drift away” (Heb 2:1), “are rejected” (1 Cor 9:27), and “fall away” (Heb 6:4-6).  Christians can fall away from God in this life; that is why we are commanded to be faithful unto death (Rev 2:10).

Is being gay wrong?

Sincerely,
Want To Know

Dear Want To Know,

Yes, homosexuality is a sin… no matter what society teaches.  The Bible is very clear on the subject of homosexuality.  Homosexuality is a perversion of the relationship God intended between a man and a woman (Rom 1:26-27).  Openly accepted homosexual lifestyles are a sign that a society has deeply diverged from Bible principles (Jude 1:7).  Homosexual urges should be fought and controlled just like we should repress the desire to be violent and show the self-control to watch how we speak.  An actively homosexual lifestyle is a sinful lifestyle.

What happens to the souls of people that have never heard the actual gospel of Jesus, and are they really ignorant of salvation, and, therefore, excused from hell?

Sincerely,
Concerned For Others

Dear Concerned For Others,

God is the only one who can judge where someone’s eternal destination will be.  The Scriptures give us an insight into how the Great Judge will decide our verdict.  Here are some Scriptures to consider:

1. Just because someone is ignorant, doesn’t mean they aren’t at fault.  God tells us that anyone who seeks the truth will find it (Matt 7:7-8).  The Bible is the most widely available book on the planet – just because someone hasn’t read it, doesn’t mean they didn’t have opportunity.
2. People go to hell because of their sins (Rom 6:23), not because of Jesus.  Jesus’ death on the cross is a cure for mankind’s self-inflicted spiritual death sentence.  It is the same as a disease outbreak – the disease kills people, not the lack of a cure.  If Jesus had never come, and none of us had ever heard of Jesus, we would all have been lost.
3. God tells us that everyone has been given enough information to seek Him.  Rom 1:20 says that the very beauty of the created universe speaks of God’s existence and leaves mankind without excuse.  God has provided an “all call” message anyone can hear through the wonder of His creation.
4. God doesn’t desire anyone to perish (2 Pet. 3:9).  God won’t make any mistakes on the Day of Judgment, and no one will accidentally end up in heaven or hell.

As we said, God is the final judge.  We will all face Him when we die (Heb 9:27).  The best thing we can do is make sure we are prepared for that day.