Is it okay for me and my girlfriend to do stuff together (like sexual stuff) without having intercourse?

Sincerely,
Dating

Dear Dating,

There is a difference between romantic acts and sexual acts… and sexual acts are for marriage only.  There is a line between a gentle kiss of affection and a lustful kiss of sexual appetite.  Until marriage, it is important that you and your girlfriend avoid lustful situations altogether.  Paul told Timothy to “flee youthful lusts” (2 Tim 2:22), and 1 Thess 4:5 warns against the “passions of lust”.  Don’t defile the beauty of the marriage bed (Heb 13:4) by jumping into lustful activities before your vows.   If you do get married, there will be many blissful and happy years to enjoy each others’ physical attentions… and if she isn’t the one, you won’t later regret keeping yourself pure for your wife.

How do you know if you’re in love?

Sincerely,
Smitten

Dear Smitten,

The Bible never specifically addresses the issue of when people fall in love because that is something that naturally happens, and as the old saying goes, “When you know, you know”.  The only advice that the Bible gives regarding romantic love is to not force it.  Far too often, people are so desperate to be in love that they force themselves into unhealthy situations in the hopes that it will awaken love – the exact opposite of God’s advice (SS 2:7).

It is always worth remembering that even though attraction is foremost on the minds of many singles, what really matters is the quality and character of the person you are interested in.  What is their inner character like (1 Pet 3:4)?  Do they love the Lord more than all else (Matt 22:37)?  Are they honest in word and deed (1 Jn 3:18)?  These are the things that really matter.  When looking for love, look for it in the right places.  A godly mate will make you stronger, but an ungodly spouse will corrupt you (1 Cor 15:33).

(This question is a follow-up to “You Are Here”)

Thank you for your prompt response.  You were very clear and left no room for misinterpretation.  I am, however, concerned with the phrase "get used to it".  You are saying, if I understand you correctly, that not only do I exist without my consent, I am also subject to "authority" without my consent as well as confronted by only a singular resolution to this tyrannical situation.

If I am correct in this interpretation, then this 'being' I exist as would be little more than a prisoner, born unfree, to remain unfree, and to become free only in death.  Everyone else who has ever existed and will ever exist would also be 'prisoners'.

If you could answer another question, I would be very appreciative.  What objective reason exists for me to procreate if all I would be doing is choosing to doom my child to the same imprisonment that I myself suffer?

Sincerely,
Wish I Wasn’t Here

Dear Wish I Wasn’t Here,

You are a prisoner as much as a child is a prisoner of the parents that raise him/her.  There are always two ways to look at things.  You view life as “I don’t want to be here, and God is forcing me to exist and serve Him”.  We view life as “What a blessing that we can move and breathe and exist; God is so awesome for giving us life”.  You are only a prisoner in this life if you choose to view it that way.  To answer your question – if you are a prisoner and trapped in this life… you probably ought not to procreate.  However, we believe that it is a blessing to be made in the image of God (Gen 1:26) and that life is inherently good.  When Adam and Eve sinned, they introduced sin and death into this life, but God designed this world perfectly and gives us hope for a better future in Jesus (1 Cor 15:22).  We here at AYP don’t believe that God being our Master is a bad thing – we enjoy the blessings of having a loving Father to care for us.  Just like you would have rules for your hypothetical children, God has rules for us… rules that are meant to protect and bless us (Heb 12:9-10).

What if someone who is struggling with a sin and continues to fall but tries so hard… dies?

Sincerely,
I Try So Hard

Dear I Try So Hard,

When we die, we will be brought before the judgment seat of God (Heb 9:27).  Those who go to heaven will do so because they were faithful (Eph 2:8).  Being faithful doesn’t mean you have to be perfect – everyone has sinned (Rom 3:23).  However, a faithful life tries to remove sin and conquer it (Jas 4:8).  We couldn’t tell you what God would say to someone who struggled but continued to fail at defeating a sin because that isn’t our place to judge.  What we can tell you is that sometimes we fail to remove sin because we don’t really work hard enough to remove it.  Other times, sincerely faithful people struggle with the same sins their entire life.  The only safe thing to do is to keep trying and do whatever you can at whatever cost to exercise self-control and bring your life into subjection to God (1 Cor 9:25-27).

How do you explain the fact that I exist involuntarily?

Sincerely,
Wish I Wasn’t Here

Dear Wish I Wasn’t Here,

Everything is created involuntarily – get used to it.  A house has no say in whether it is built, a baby doesn’t get to decide when it is conceived, and a car doesn’t get to decide what model and make it will become… all of those things are decided by their respective creators.  One of the biggest problems with today’s society is that we believe that we are the masters of our own lives and that we should have a say in everything, but that simply isn’t true.  Everyone has masters they are subject to, whether it be an employer, a parent, or the government.  Everyone must accept that they have authorities that they are accountable to.  God is our Creator (Col 1:16-17), and we are subject to His laws and His standards.  We should be grateful that our Creator is such a loving, merciful, and benevolent Deity (1 Jn 4:10).  You have no say in when or where you are born – God appoints your days (Acts 17:26).  However, you do have a choice as to what you will do with your time here on Earth.  Choose the Lord and be blessed (Josh 24:15).