Is gossiping good or bad (like, if on a blog, it says stuff about people that they said… true facts)?

Sincerely,
Facebook Friend

Dear Facebook Friend,

Gossip is always wrong, but we must clearly define what the word ‘gossip’ means and what the Bible says about it.  The word ‘gossip’ in the Bible means a ‘whisperer’ or a ‘secret slanderer’.  Rom 1:28-29 says that being a gossip is a sin worthy of death.  2 Cor 12:20 points out that gossip is divisive and destructive.  A gossip is someone that is involved in other people’s business – a busybody (1 Tim 5:13).  Whether on a blog, between two neighbors, or amongst the closest confidantes, when we talk about others in a disparaging way (even if it is true) for no purpose other than to flatter ourselves as being “in the know” or to receive attention – it is a sin (Pr 11:13).  A gossip wounds others with their words and doesn’t give them a chance to defend themselves (Pr 18:8).  Gossip always hurts someone, and the only way to stop the pain is to avoid gossip and avoid those who practice gossip (Pr 26:20).

My sister recently lost her son (a twenty-five-year-old) to a bad car accident.  He was in the height of his life, recently engaged to be married, and doing well at his job.  Her grief has steadily increased.  She wants answers.  Why would God do this?  Why would He take such a good person?  Is He punishing her for her sins?

I am exhausted trying to find Bible verses or words of comfort for her.  Please help.

Sincerely,
Forlorn Aunt

Dear Forlorn Aunt,

This is a great question… which is why thousands of books have been written on the subject of grief. When Jacob heard of his son’s death and when he contemplated the loss of a second son, he said, “My gray hair will go down to Sheol” (Gen 37:35, Gen 42:38). That emotion is a normal one. When one learns of the death of a spouse or child, their first reaction is so painful and the grief is so deep that they feel they will never have another happy moment on this earth. Jacob’s first reaction was normal in this respect. Jacob later received the good news that his son was alive, so he didn’t have to go to his grave in pain.

But your question is about your sister today. How do we handle grief, so that we will be able to recover and find happiness again? This process of handling grief is called “Healing Grief.” It means we go through the grieving process in the right way, so we can heal. This is where those thousands of books come in, and I suggest your sister read many of them. Also, one of our AYP writers has an entire audio sermon series on grieving that he wrote when his wife died; that series can be found here.  Some of the major things most people need to do are:

1. Go ahead and cry your eyes out. Don’t be ashamed to express your pain by crying. (Ps 6:6-7)
2. If you have a friend who will listen, talk, talk, talk. Crying and talking are very therapeutic. Don’t hold it in! Cry and talk. (Eccl 4:10)
3. Cry out to God in prayer and listen to God as He speaks to you through His Bible, especially the book of Psalms (Phil 4:6; 1 Pet 5:6-7).
4. This next one sounds funny to someone who has not been through this experience, but those who have will know what I am saying. After a few months, you will realize that you don’t want to let go of your loved one. You don’t want them forgotten. You actually hope they might, in some way, come back. At this stage, you must accept the fact that they are gone. This is not easy, but it is a big step that is necessary to healing. (2 Sam 12:22-23)

When this acceptance actually comes into her life, she will begin the final period called ‘recovery’. It is at this time that hope will come back into her life, and she will find happiness again. She is going through a grieving process God built within us humans who are made in His image… so encourage her to not give up. Even Jesus Himself experienced this emotion (John 11:35).

This may be a dumb question, but why do we sin even if we know it’s wrong, and we hate even the thought of it?

Sincerely,
Selfishly Annoyed

Dear Selfishly Annoyed,

There is a constant struggle among our soul, our fleshly body, and our mind (Rom 7:14).  Sin is tempting to our physical bodies – even when we know that it damages our souls.  Sin has the power of instant gratification even though the long-term consequences are spiritual death (Rom 6:23).  Sin is alluring and enticing and plays upon our most basic physical desires (Jas 1:14).  Sin appeals to the eyes, flesh, and our pride (1 Jhn 2:16).  The devil knows all of our fundamental physical desires and exploits them to get us to do things that have major spiritual consequences.  He is tricky (Eph 6:11) and fools us unless we guard ourselves against his lies (Jhn 8:44).

I have studied in school about elderly people getting a “do not resuscitate” order for when they are past their limit and do not want to be kept alive by a machine.  I can fully see why someone would have one of these, seeing as how modern medicine values length of life and not so much quality.  I have even considered getting one of these when I get into the later years of life.  But I'm not sure if this would be considered scripturally sound.  I understand that God will take us when our time comes, and that it is all in His hands.  Yet, at what point is enough enough?  When I can no longer feed myself, so a feeding tube is inserted?  Or when I’m being kept alive by life support, but I have little to no brain function and can’t do anything but lie there waiting?  I would love to know where you stand on this.

Sincerely,
Preparing For My Funeral

Dear Preparing For My Funeral,

The act of purposefully taking your own life is definitely wrong, but refusing to prolong a terminal illness is a much murkier area.  There is no doubt that suicide is sinful (read “Victim Was The Assailant” for further details), but when someone doesn’t accept surgery, chemotherapy, life-support, etc. – that isn’t suicide.  ‘Do not resuscitate’ orders, living wills, and other such decisions are a matter of wisdom and conscience.

God very clearly teaches that we should be people who value life.  It isn’t our right to presumptuously choose the moment of our death (Eccl 8:8).  Just because we are suffering isn’t necessarily a reason to stop fighting for life.  Suffering can be a very important part of our life here (Eccl 7:14).  The general rule should be to seek to preserve life – even our consciences tell us this.  It is called the “survival instinct”.

On the other hand, there comes a point when continuing to poke, prod, and prolong the life of a body that is obviously dying can offend our conscience as well.  This is where wisdom comes in.  God tells us to ask Him for wisdom (Jas 1:5) and to make conscientious decisions (1 Tim 3:9).  There is no magic answer to your question – only principles to follow in a very difficult time.

My sister-in-law and brother-in-law lost their daughter to a terminal illness she was born with.  She lived many years longer than doctors advised she would.  My sister-in-law has always tried to be there for me over the years, but I have not tried to have a relationship with her other than when necessary.  I have never been there for her.  Her daughter's death has hit me like a ton of bricks and has made me realize that I am not the person I should be.  I should have tried to understand their circumstances; I should have allowed us to become great friends.  I want to write her and tell her that I am sorry that I have never been there for her and how brave I think her husband and her are.  Should I tell her how I feel?  Should I just move forward and be a better person to her now and in the future?  Or am I being selfish, and this is not about me, and this is my punishment?  Thank you for any help you can give me.

Sincerely,
Regretful

Dear Regretful,

As the old saying goes, “honesty is always the best policy”.  The Bible says it in different words: “know the truth and the truth shall set you free” (Jhn 8:32).  Truth always frees us and, in the long run, it always makes things better.  God tells us to treat others as we would have them treat us (Matt 7:12).  If you were in your sister-in-law’s shoes and received a letter explaining all the regrets you just mentioned, sorrow you feel for their loss, and bravery they have shown – how would you feel?  Only you know the specifics of your relationship with your sister-in-law and what is the best way to treat her, but if you consider her feelings above your own, you are likely to make a good decision.  Whatever you do should be about them and not about you – only when we place others before ourselves do we make healthy decisions (Php 2:3).