I am a christian and was attending services this past Sunday when the man leading the Lord's Supper referred to the cross as a "very ugly thing." I understand why it would be "ugly" to us; it represents our sin which separates us from God, but it also represents Christ's death which reunites us with God. So why then do Christians tend to refrain from wearing jewelry in the shape of crosses, etc? I understand that it would be wrong to worship a piece of jewelry (like Catholics with their rosaries), but wouldn't it be fine to wear a reminder of His sacrifice? Or even have a cross (not a crucifix) in the church building?

Sincerely, Cross About The Whole Subject

Dear Cross About The Whole Subject,

The problem with crosses as jewelry is that God tells us how He wants us to remember the death of Christ – through the weekly observance of the Lord’s Supper (1 Cor 11:25). Furthermore, christians are supposed to be known by their character, not their clothes (1 Pet 3:3-4). WWJD bracelets, crosses, religious bumper stickers, etc. are often used as a substitute for actually living a faithful life.

Having said all that, wearing a cross isn’t inherently wrong. The Scriptures don’t condemn that kind of clothing, but they strongly caution us against the attitudes that are often portrayed and involved with such outward adornment. Ultimately, the jewelry is unnecessary. The apostles and first century christians certainly didn’t need such ‘holy hardware’ to remember who they were. They found the cross a scary, inhuman, and terrifying way to die. I sometimes wonder… if Christ had died in an electric chair, would we all be wearing golden electric chair charms around our necks and putting giant electric chairs on top of our church buildings? For me, that analogy keeps the issue in proper perspective.

I am a christian woman whose husband left in January.  At that time, we were not living as christians.  Since then, I have committed to the Lord.  My husband was gone for four months and started an affair and lived with another woman.  He asked me to reconcile and forgive him, and he has repented to God.  He is in church now.  Do I still have a biblical right for a divorce because I am having great difficulty in this marriage now, or am I obligated because of his repentance?

Sincerely, Heart Sick

Dear Heart Sick,

Divorce is always a horrible thing, but yes – you have a right to divorce him because of his adultery. The Bible is clear that God hates divorce (Mal 2:16). God intends for a man and a woman to remain together for a lifetime (Mk 10:7-9). However, God has made provision for a situation soiled by adultery. In the case of adultery, a husband or wife has the right to divorce their spouse (Matt 19:9). It is a painful decision to make, but yes, you do have the option. You will have to prayerfully weigh whether or not to use it.

My pastor preaches that we are predestined (Eph 1:5). If this is true, then what is the point of serving God? For example, there is a Heaven and a Hell. God knows all of us; our goods, our bads, our evil intents, and our godly works. He knows our hearts, our minds, and our souls.  The Bible says that God knows each hair on our head. So why try to win a race that God has chosen for us to win or lose, knowing that no matter how hard we try, we are not going to get the prize?

What do I mean? I have four kids, three girls and one boy. I have my kids run a foot race. My youngest daughter wins the race, but my son comes in last. I announce that the loser gets the prize. I have another race; my son comes in first. This time, I announce that the prize is given to the first place winner. I have a third race, and my son comes in third; I announce that the prize goes to the third place winner. After a while, the others catch on to the scheme that no matter what place they come in, it was predetermined and predestined for my son to win.

My wife is abusive, and my pastor tells me that I should "go through it for God" and that Jesus took it so "who am I to not go through it?”.

I am an inch away from giving up on religion all together. Am I missing something?

Sincerely, Deciding My Own Destiny

Dear Deciding My Own Destiny,

Yes, you are missing something – the Truth. Your pastor is wrong. The doctrine of ‘specific predestination’ is a man-made idea. If God specifically chooses certain people to be saved, then Jesus didn’t really die for everyone… but the Bible says He did (Jhn 3:16-17). It also means that God punishes people for things they have no control over… but the Bible says you have a choice (Josh 24:15). It also would mean that God doesn’t want everyone to be saved… but the Bible says He does (Ezek 18:23).

It is true that God predestined something before He created the universe. He predestined how people would be saved – in Christ (Eph 1:5). God planned, before He made anything, that all of mankind would be saved in Christ (Jhn 14:6). God chose how you would be saved; you must choose whether you will accept His salvation. The doctrine of predestination is a man-made lie that robs people of their hope, their freewill service to God, and the truth. If God decided specifically who was going to be saved before He ever created the world, then what is the point of Him commanding us to follow His Word (Jhn 15:14)? He commands us to follow because He wants us to choose to follow.

I’m very sorry to hear of your marital problems. Without knowing the specifics, I cannot give you any particular advice, but I can say that I wouldn’t trust advice from a religious leader who teaches false doctrine. Don’t give up on religion; give up on false religion. For an overview of what to look for in a faithful church, see this previous post.

Feel free to e-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org if you would like help finding a faithful congregation in your area.

When a person loses their spouse or child to death, how does that remaining person keep from becoming like Jacob in the book of Genesis when he lost his son Joseph, and he mourned so hard he "let his grey hair down to Sheol"?

Sincerely, Deep In Sorrow

Dear Deep In Sorrow,

This is a great question… which is why thousands of books have been written

on the subject of grief. The statement you referred to is made by Jacob immediately upon hearing of his son's death and when he contemplates the loss of a second son (Gen 37:35, Gen 42:38). That emotion is a normal one. When one learns of the death of a spouse or child, their first reaction is so painful and the grief is so deep that they feel they will never have another happy moment on this earth. Jacob's first reaction was normal in this respect. Jacob later received the good news that his son was alive, so he didn't have to go to his grave in pain.

But your question is about us today. How do we handle grief, so that we will be able to recover and find happiness again? This process of handling grief is called "Healing Grief." It means we go through the grieving process in the right way, so we can heal. This is where those thousands of books come in, and I suggest you read many of them if you are in this condition. Some of the major things most people need to do are:

1) Go ahead and cry your eyes out. Don't be ashamed to express your pain by crying. (Ps 6:6-7)

2) If you have a friend who will listen, talk, talk, talk. Crying and talking are very therapeutic. Don't hold it in! Cry and talk. (Eccl 4:10)

3) Cry out to God in prayer and listen to God as He speaks to you through His Bible, especially the book of Psalms (Phil 4:6; 1 Pet 5:6-7). 4) This next one sounds funny to someone who has not been through this experience, but those who have will know what I am saying. After a few months, you will realize that you don't want to let go of your loved one. You don't want them forgotten. You actually hope they might, in some way, come back. At this stage, you must accept the fact that they are gone. This is not easy, but it is a big step that is necessary to healing. (2 Sam 12:22-23)

When this acceptance actually comes into your life, you will begin the final period called ‘recovery’. It is at this time that hope will come back into your life, and you will find happiness again. You are going through a grieving process God built within us humans who are made in His image… so don’t give up. Even Jesus Himself experienced this emotion (John 11:35).

I was reading a question to a priest, and I asked him why we call him ‘father’ when it specifically says not to in the Bible (Matt 23:8). His response was that it is for the same reason a child calls their parent ‘father’; they are the natural father and the priest is the spiritual father. While I believe calling a priest ‘father’ is wrong, why is it okay to call our birth parent ‘father’?

Sincerely, Paternal Nomenclature

Dear Paternal Nomenclature,

Calling a priest ‘father’ is wrong because, as the priest said, it is referring to ‘father’ in a spiritual sense. That is what Christ is condemning in Matt 23:8-10. Christ is rebuking people who elevate themselves above others within the church. Catholic priests place themselves in a position of spiritual superiority and authority above others. That is wrong and exactly what Christ told His disciples never to do.

On the other hand, the term ‘father’ is perfectly fine when used to refer to a physical parent. The Bible itself uses the word ‘father’ almost 1,000 times, and the vast majority of those times refer to fleshly parents. Gen 2:24, Gen 9:22, Lev 20:9, Pr 17:25, Mk 10:29, Lk 11:11 are just a few examples. Our fathers are a blessing from God given to us for a time to guide and discipline us (Heb 12:9-10). They are worthy of honor and the title ‘father’ (Eph 6:2).