I've been struggling with one particular sin, and I do my best to not indulge in it, but I keep slipping up. I'm asking for forgiveness almost every day for it (it might sound stupid, but I feel like if I don't ask for it and Jesus comes, I'm going to go to hell), and I ask God to help me be stronger, so I don't do it again, but I feel like I know I'm going to do it again, so I feel bad asking for forgiveness over and over. Should I not ask for forgiveness until I think I won’t do it anymore? Or should I keep asking for forgiveness?

Sincerely, Repeat Offender

Dear Repeat Offender,

There are two parts to your question:

1. How many times can I ask for forgiveness for the same sin?
2. How do I remove this sin from my life?

The answer to the first question is simple. You can ask for forgiveness an innumerable amount of times. Christ told Peter that we should forgive ‘seventy times seven’ (Matt 18:21-22). Paul was forgiven of his sins even after killing christians and actively persecuting the church (1 Tim 1:16). As often as we truly repent, God is ready to forgive (Lk 17:4). It is quite possible to truly repent of something and then find yourself doing that same thing not minutes later. It happens in arguments all the time! You say something mean, apologize, then find yourself upset again, and again use rash words. The repeating of the cycle is not necessarily an indication of false sorrow.

However, the second part of your question deals with stopping this cycle. God will forgive you for stumbling again into the same sin, but only if you are truly attempting to change your mind. Paul reminds us that we are to do everything we can to flee from the slavery to sin (Rom 6:1-2, Rom 6:12-13). Without knowing what sin you are caught up in, I can’t give specific advice, but I recommend getting help if it is as consuming as you say. Many sins can become addictions that are very hard to break. Here are some things to consider:

1. Are you trying to change all on your own? God says two are stronger than one (Eccl 4:9-10). In the case of sin like pornography, many people try and struggle through it alone without seeking help because of the shame involved in it becoming known. This rarely, if ever, works. Telling someone, even just one trusted friend, and using things like Covenant Eyes accountability software can make all the difference in such circumstances.
2. Are you putting yourself in compromising situations? People with drug and alcohol addictions are often tempted back into their old habits by drinking buddies or parties where drugs are made available. You may need to cut off certain people and habits from your life in order to escape that sort of sin. Remember, Christ said it would be better to remove even your own hand if it would free you from a sin (Matt 5:30).

Removing sin from our lives is a constant struggle. God is ready to forgive you ‘seventy times seven’ as you fight to defeat this sin, but you must look yourself in the mirror and make sure you are taking the steps necessary to change your life.

My girlfriend and I are considering moving out together this summer; we aren't engaged yet but have talked about it, and we strongly feel that God has put us together.  We have been going to church a lot lately and trying to keep our life straight; we have never had sex and have agreed not to until we are married, and since we wouldn't be having sex, would it be a sin to live together?

Sincerely, Home Hunting

Dear Home Hunting,

Moving in together would be a sin as well as a temptation toward further sin. No matter how pure our intentions might be, two people of the opposite sex living together looks bad. Even if you weren’t actually sleeping together, nobody would believe you. God tells us to abstain from every form of evil (1 Thess 5:22). The word ‘form’ in that verse literally means “shape or appearance”. Christians need to not only avoid sin - but avoid looking like they are sinning. A boyfriend and girlfriend living together (no matter how chaste) looks like a sinful relationship. The Bible also tells us to do the things which are ‘honorable in the sight of all men’ (Rom 12:17, 2 Cor 8:21). Consider what living together before marriage does to the honor of your girlfriend. God wants you to do what is in her best interest and uphold her reputation and honor.

Secondarily, the temptation to sleep together will certainly grow with living together. There is nothing abnormal about a man and a woman being strongly attracted to each other. God recognizes that young people naturally are inclined to burn with passion for the opposite sex (1 Cor 7:9). The key is to make sure you don’t put yourselves in a position that could compromise your integrity. We are to ‘flee fornication’ (1 Cor 6:18) and be wise as serpents in regard to righteousness (Matt 10:16). Don’t set yourselves up to sin.

The idea of living together before marriage is a modern one - not a Biblical one. Biblically speaking, if you aren’t ready to get married, you aren’t ready to live together. The deepest act of love you could show to your girlfriend would be to wait until you are ready for marriage.

What does the Bible say about two people sleeping in the same bed together if they aren't married but aren't having sex either?

Sincerely, Two In The Bed

Dear Two In The Bed,

If you are talking about two people of opposite gender who aren’t related to each other – you’ve got a problem. For the sake of brevity, I’m going to assume you aren’t talking about two brothers sharing a bed at Grandma’s house, or Great Aunt Bessie sharing a queen sized bed with Great Aunt Marge during a family reunion weekend. Everyone feels comfortable with those circumstances.

I’m guessing that you are asking whether or not two people who are of similar age and opposite gender can sleep (but not have intercourse) together. That situation isn’t honorable. God wants us to do that which is honorable in the sight of all men (Rom 12:17, 2 Cor 8:21). He also wants us to avoid all forms, which literally means ‘appearances’, of evil (1 Thess 5:22).

God tells us to treat young women as sisters and young men as brothers (1 Tim 5:1-2). Let me ask you...

1. Would you want a man sleeping in the same bed as your sister before they were married?
2. Would you advise your brother to sleep in the same bed as his girlfriend before they were married?
3. Would you want your son or daughter to sleep in the same bed with someone before they were married?

The advice we would give to our children and siblings is the same advice we should take ourselves. Flee immorality (1 Cor 6:18) and don’t put yourself in that situation.

Is using birth control a sin?

Sincerely, Pro-Life

Dear Pro-Life,

There are two ways that using birth control would be a sin.

1. It is a sin if it is a type of birth control that is ‘retroactive’, meaning that it forces your body to reject an already fertilized egg. God says that life begins in the womb after conception. God said that Samson was a life even while in the womb (Judg 13:7); the same is said of David (Ps 139:13). John the Baptist was even described as a ‘baby leaping within the womb’ (Lk 1:41). As the old saying goes, “If it isn’t a baby, you aren’t pregnant.” Mary was ‘with child’, not ‘with embryo’ (Matt 1:18). Carefully discuss with your doctor any birth control that you might use and make sure that it does not function by aborting a fertilized egg in the early stages of development. The only birth control acceptable to a christian is one that prevents fertilization.
2. The other reason you couldn’t use birth control is if your conscience bothers you. If you can’t do it in faith, then it is a sin (Rom 14:23). Many christians believe that they are thwarting God’s will by using birth control. Others are concerned that the birth control may accidently cause a miscarriage. If you or your spouse fall under this category of ‘conscientious objector’, then you must refrain from using birth control.

Having considered these factors, make a thoughtful, informed, and prayerful decision.

Titus 1:6 speaks of "the husband of one wife".

Can a divorced brother who is remarried be referred to as “the husband of one wife” and thus be ordained as a deacon?  His wife is also a divorcee.

Please help; I am confused!

Sincerely, Choosing Wisely

Dear Choosing Wisely,

He may be qualified; he may not – your congregation will need to properly judge whether he fulfills the requirements of Tit 1:6. The phrase ‘husband of one wife’ literally means a ‘one woman man’ in the Greek. He must be devoted exclusively and faithfully to his one wife. A man who is widowed and then remarried could still be properly described as a ‘one woman man’ because he was completely devoted to his first wife until her death, and now is fully devoted to his current wife.

The question you will have to wrestle with is if this divorced brother has shown the character trait of monogamous fidelity. Why did he get divorced? Was it for infidelity? Was he always faithful to her? Did she leave him, or did he leave her? How does he behave with his current wife? How long has he been married to his current wife? The answers to these questions will help you to assess whether he is a faithful ‘one woman man’.

You are right to be concerned about him serving as a deacon. Divorce is a red flag that should make us pause before appointing a man as a qualified deacon, but depending on the circumstances surrounding his divorce, he may still be qualified.