Hi.  I am single, and I am addicted to watching porn videos.  I was wondering if you had any tips for me.  I have tried to stop, but then I don’t know how to act, want to eat, or do anything.  What should I do?

Sincerely,
Addicted

Dear Addicted,

We are told that a powerful tool in defeating sin is confessing our sins to one another (Jas 5:16).  Sin likes to be kept secret (Jhn 3:20), and bringing it to light by making it public goes a long way in defeating habitual sin.  A very popular way of getting this sort of accountability is by using accountability software that forwards your browsing history to a friend or trusted individual.  Companies like x3watch and CovenantEyes make accountability software, and many struggling pornography addicts have found it to make a huge difference.  If you want to defeat sin, you must expose it.  Confess your sin to others, and you will begin to see change.  It is time to get serious about removing this sin.  You know you are serious about defeating sin when you are willing to expose it at all costs.  That is the single most effective advice we could give you.  Some other details to consider:

1. Bad company corrupts good morals (1 Cor 15:33).  Stop spending time around others who are okay with this behavior and remove all illicit materials from your home.  Throwing away the pornography is a good first step to saving yourself from it (Matt 5:29)
2. Don’t give up.  A righteous man falls, but he keeps getting back up (Pr 24:16).  A failure doesn’t become permanent until you let it.  Keep trying.
3. Get help from others.  Trying to do things alone, especially when we’ve failed before, is just too hard.  We are stronger when we enlist the help of friends and family (Eccl 4:9-12).
4. Replace the bad habit with a good habit.  It isn’t enough to simply stop something; that void must be filled with something else that is positive (Lk 11:24-26).
5. Pray.  God blesses us when we turn to Him (Jas 5:16) and ask for forgiveness and help (Jas 1:5).

Now is your chance to start a new life free from this addictive slavery to pornography.  We would be happy to help you find a congregation in your area that can help you through this struggle and prepare you for a better and complete life in Christ.  E-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org if we can be of service.

I have been dating a Jewish man, and one of our relationship issues is our belief in faith; I have been raised a christian, and saved as one, I am currently thinking of converting to Judaism for faith, but I will not denounce Jesus as my Savior.  What advice would you give someone in my situation?  I love this Jewish man, but I love Jesus and God as well; can there ever be a happy medium where two faiths can live in harmony?

Sincerely,
Hoping For A Hebrew Husband

Dear Hoping For A Hebrew Husband,

‘Inter-faith’ marriages have disastrous results, an awful track record, and God warns against them. The Bible’s most notorious example of this is Solomon. Solomon’s idolatrous wives turned the heart of the wisest man on the planet away from God (1 Kgs 11:4). If Solomon in all of his wisdom couldn’t resist the pull of a false religion, we should consider ourselves just as vulnerable. There is too much at stake. If your heart is turned away from God, your soul will be eternally destroyed (Heb 3:12).  Our caution would be that you must get on the same page religiously before proceeding any further in your relationship.  Jesus says that He is “the way, the truth, and the life, and no one comes to the Father except through Him” (Jhn 14:6).  Judaism simply won’t save your soul – plain and simple.  Jews are still waiting for the Messiah and they don’t accept the saving blood of Christ.

1. No matter how much you love each other, there are only four possible outcomes for a marriage to your Jewish boyfriend, and only one of them is good:
2. He eventually converts and obeys the gospel, becomes a christian, and is saved (GOOD).
3. You eventually convert and obey the Judaism, and you are both lost (BAD).
4. You both make compromises in your beliefs, and you no longer fully serve the Lord (BAD).
5. You both eventually renounce both of your belief systems, and are both lost (BAD).

The only positive outcome is the first one, and that isn’t any more likely to happen after you are married than before. Either he will eventually convert, or he won’t – getting married won’t increase the odds.

God warns against being ‘unequally yoked’ to someone with different values than you (2 Cor 6:14-16). Once you get married, you are ‘yoked’ to that person with a lifetime agreement. A godly marriage is designed around unity (Gen 2:24). If you aren’t unified on your core belief system, then everything else will be affected. Where will your children go to church? How much money will you contribute to Judaism vs. God’s church? What happens when he wants to put up teach Jewish customs to your family? These are just a few of the thousands of day-to-day problems you will run into. God tells us that a christian should marry someone ‘in the Lord’ (1 Cor 7:39). If he really does love the Lord as much as he loves you, his honesty and humility will guide him to accept the truth. If not, you are both better off knowing before entering into a heartbreaking marriage.

I am twenty-eight years old, and I have a five-year-old son who has Down’s Syndrome.  He cannot talk, so he tries to talk by yelling loud.  Every time I go to a family get-together, I always have a problem.  When my little special child yells, I always hear my grandma talking to the person who she is sitting beside, and she is telling them how she cannot stand all that yelling.  She always says it where I can hear.  It hurts my feelings so bad that I go home and cry.  I never say anything to her about it because she is my grandma, and I do not want to be an angry person.  I am getting where I do not want to go to the family get-togethers because of it.  He does not mean to be bothering her.  He is just a ray of sunshine and happy!!  Could you tell me how to deal with this problem with my grandma in a way that you think God would have me handle it?  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Proud Mom

Dear Proud Mom,

There are several things that you can try, and it all depends on what you believe is the most appropriate tact to take with your grandmother.  No matter what, you should know that you are right about your child, and he is a blessing from God – nothing anybody says can change that fact.  Regardless of how others feel, he has done nothing wrong.  That being said, here are some verses to consider:

1. Rom 12:18 says that we should do everything we can to be at peace with others.  Turning the other cheek (Matt 5:39) is often the best policy when people are ignorantly hurtful.  If you can, just let it go… from what you have said, you have tried this, and it is simply too much of a burden to bear.  Kudos for trying; but in this case, for your personal peace, you need to do something more.
2. When we have a problem with another person, discretion is a key ingredient to a healthy resolution.  Pr 25:9 says that we should bring our disagreements to the person directly.  Directly confronting the “elephant in the room” is the scariest approach, but often the best.  Privately and kindly telling your grandmother that your feelings are hurt when she criticizes your son gives her the opportunity to choose the high road and to reach a resolution that improves your relationship.  Discretion shows love; bitterness is shown through public displays of frustration.  She has been public with her words; you should be private with yours.
3. Whatever you do, don’t let her words poison your heart.  Regardless of how she reacts to your honest appeal, make the decision now that you won’t let bitterness become rooted in your heart (Heb 12:15).  Decide ahead of time that you will raise your son according to God’s teachings, and let that buoy you up when criticized.

My boyfriend is a non-believer.  I attempt to get him to see that Christ is the only way, and he doesn't listen.  Does God want me to stay with him, or am I wasting my time?

Sincerely,
Good News Girlfriend

Dear Good News Girlfriend,

God says that we should never be “unequally yoked” (2 Cor 6:14).  Our relationship with God needs to be the central focus of our life (Matt 22:37-38).  Marriage, which is the potential end result of your romantic relationship, is the most intimate union this side of heaven (Eph 5:31).  Marriage to someone that doesn’t have the same values as you is compared to two oxen being yoked to the same wagon with each oxen pulling the cart in a different direction – it will never work!  Solomon is the great example of this.  Solomon was the wisest man on the earth (1 Kgs 4:30-34).  Yet, even with all his wisdom, Solomon’s idol-worshipping wives tore his heart away from serving God (1 Kgs 11:4).  If it can happen to Solomon, it can happen to anyone.

Our religious views dictate how we live our lives.  One’s belief in God (or lack of belief) effects their ethics, how they manage finances, how they raise children, how they treat their spouse, how much effort they will put into marriage (and when they will feel justified in getting a divorce), and a plethora of other aspects in life.  In short, your religious views guide the very essence of who you are.
God designed christians to only marry other people who are “in the Lord” (1 Cor 7:39).  You will make your vows before God, and he will merely make his vows before man.  We could never, ever recommend that a christian marry an unbeliever… it would simply set you up for heartache and failure.  If your boyfriend is not willing to discuss and listen to spiritual things – it is probably time to throw this fish back; there are plenty of others in the sea.

My boyfriend is a non-believer.  I attempt to get him to see that Christ is the only way, and he doesn't listen.  Does God want me to stay with him, or am I wasting my time?

Sincerely,
Good News Girlfriend

Dear Good News Girlfriend,

God says that we should never be “unequally yoked” (2 Cor 6:14).  Our relationship with God needs to be the central focus of our life (Matt 22:37-38).  Marriage, which is the potential end result of your romantic relationship, is the most intimate union this side of heaven (Eph 5:31).  Marriage to someone that doesn’t have the same values as you is compared to two oxen being yoked to the same wagon with each oxen pulling the cart in a different direction – it will never work!  Solomon is the great example of this.  Solomon was the wisest man on the earth (1 Kgs 4:30-34).  Yet, even with all his wisdom, Solomon’s idol-worshipping wives tore his heart away from serving God (1 Kgs 11:4).  If it can happen to Solomon, it can happen to anyone.

Our religious views dictate how we live our lives.  One’s belief in God (or lack of belief) effects their ethics, how they manage finances, how they raise children, how they treat their spouse, how much effort they will put into marriage (and when they will feel justified in getting a divorce), and a plethora of other aspects in life.  In short, your religious views guide the very essence of who you are.
God designed christians to only marry other people who are “in the Lord” (1 Cor 7:39).  You will make your vows before God, and he will merely make his vows before man.  We could never, ever recommend that a christian marry an unbeliever… it would simply set you up for heartache and failure.  If your boyfriend is not willing to discuss and listen to spiritual things – it is probably time to throw this fish back; there are plenty of others in the sea.