I'm taking care of my 93-year-old mother.  This morning she did not feel up to going to church.  I've had back surgery and often have to take medicine at night; I don't want to get behind the wheel.  We drive twenty miles to services.  Is it okay if we study together on Sunday and have the Lord’s Supper?

 

Sincerely,
Home Bound

Dear Home Bound,

The Scriptures are clear that we should not forsake the assembly of christians (Heb 10:24-25), but if you are unable to leave your house, you are unable to leave your house.  There are always individual cases with extenuating circumstances that don’t conform to the standard rule.  The average person is able to get out and attend services, but if you are sick, socked-in by a blizzard, in the military, etc. – then your situation isn’t average.  God only holds us accountable for what we are able to do (2 Cor 8:12).  If you are ready and prepared to attend services as normal, but health problems don’t permit you to fulfill the desires of your heart, God understands.  The key is that you aren’t making empty excuses or rationalizations to avoid going to services.  As long as your reason for missing is legitimate (and your case certainly sounds that way), you can in clear conscience know that you did your best.

By all means, stay home and care for your elderly mother.  When you can make it to services, do so… but don’t feel bad when your or her health prevents you.  There is no need to take the Lord’s Supper when you can’t attend services.  The Lord’s Supper is taken by the church when they assemble together (1 Cor 11:20-21).  It is an act of the group to partake together in unity, not individually (1 Cor 11:33).  Because you are unable to leave your home to be with the church, it is not a sin for you to not take the Lord’s Supper.

I am so confused; I heard you have to speak in tongues to be saved.  I have not spoken in tongues that I know of, and I know I have the Holy Spirit in me because I feel Him in my heart.  Why is it that some preachers say you must speak in tongues and some say you don't?  Here is a scripture I am confused about also – Mark16:17: “And these signs shall follow them that believe; in my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues.”  Is this telling me I am not saved since I have not spoken in tongues?

 

Sincerely,
Speechless

Dear Speechless,

You do not have to speak in tongues to be saved.  The Ethiopian eunuch didn’t speak in tongues, and he was saved (Acts 8:36-39).  The Philippian jailer didn’t speak in tongues, and he was saved (Acts 16:31-34).  Paul taught that only some had the gift of tongues (1 Cor 12:28-31).  Any preacher that teaches that you have to speak in tongues to be saved has missed some very basic Bible verses.  They have an agenda and are deserving of condemnation as false teachers who proclaim something other than the Gospel (Gal 1:8-9).

Furthermore, miraculous gifts are no longer present in the church.  They are no longer needed because we have the complete and perfect Word of God (1 Cor 13:8-10).  For further details on this, read “Speaking in Tongues”, “The Lost Art of Prophecy”, and “Spoken Like A True Friend”.

Mark 16:17 is not referring to all christians, but instead it is referring to the “signs that would accompany” Christianity.  As the gospel first spread, God used miracles to attest to the authenticity of the apostles’ claims that Jesus was the Son of God (Mk 16:20).  These signs and wonders were God’s way of supernaturally bearing witness to the preaching (Heb 2:2-4).  Miracles do not make you a christian; obedience to the will of God does (Rom 12:2).  Read “What Must I Do To Be Saved?” to understand, verse-by-verse, what it takes to become a christian.  Do not accept anything but the Scriptures.  Only God’s Word holds the answers to our salvation (Rom 1:16).

Sometimes I feel like asking for forgiveness is too easy.  When I think about all the sins I commit in a week, I feel awful and can't comprehend that if I just ask for them to be forgiven, they will be, and then I'm stuck with this feeling that I'm not really forgiven.  I do truly feel sorry for what I've done, but is it supposed to be this easy?

 

Sincerely,
Apology Accepted?

Dear Apology Accepted?,

Trusting in the Lord is hardest when He offers something more spectacular than we deserve.  Heaven is hard to visualize because it is so wonderful, and forgiveness is hard to appreciate because it is so gracious.  You must remember that God provides forgiveness as a gift (Rom 6:23); it has nothing to do with whether you deserve it.  God tells us that He is eager to forgive us (Ps 86:5).  Forgiveness is His gift to give, and He may give it as freely as He wishes.

God’s forgiveness can be compared to the forgiveness a parent offers their children (after all He is called our Father for a reason – Matt 5:45).  How often do young children make mistakes as they learn and grow?  No matter how often a child fails, parents are quick to forgive them as soon as they show sorrow.  God is no different (1 Jn 1:9).  Your Father loves you so much that He gave His very own Son (Jhn 3:16).  Sometimes God’s forgiveness seems too easy because God loves us with such ease.

My wife and I are struggling to make a difficult decision about our church.  Our pastor preached a series of messages about how the Lord speaks to us.  Each week, he talked about God's message to us through nature, literature, trials, situations, etc.  The particular week that has us concerned is the week he talked about how God speaks to us through movies and media.  At the end of the sermon, he showed a couple of clips from movies that had moved him in his life.  Schindler's List was one, and there were a few others.  My wife and I had never seen Schindler's List, so we rented it and were very disturbed by the fact that there was nudity in it.  (We braced ourselves for the horrific acts against the Jewish nation).  So, is there a place for a movie clip from a rated ‘R’ movie from the pulpit?  The movie clip was fitting for what the sermon dealt with, but if he'd seen the entire movie in order to see the final few minutes, he had to have known about the nudity.  I just don't think it's appropriate, no matter how moving the final scene is.  Please shed some light on this matter.  How do we approach our pastor?  We love our church and our family, but we feel so conflicted about this.  We don't want to leave, but we don't want to be attending a church that thinks being "culturally relevant" means showing rated ‘R’ movie clips.

 

Sincerely,
Rated ‘P’ for Pure

Dear Rated ‘P’ for Pure,

There is some debate to be had over seeing a ‘R’ rated movie that is rated that way for violence… but nudity is an entirely different matter.  At the very least, christians should be very, very cautious about viewing anything rated ‘R’.  According to the MPAA, a ‘R’ rating on a movie is received for one (or a combination) of five things:

1. Adult themes and activities.  This is a generic listing, but it is fair to say that this content almost always involves subject matter that is inappropriate for anyone with morals.  ‘Adult themes’ is almost always synonymous with ‘sinful behavior’.
2. Hard language
3. Intense or persistent violence
4. Sexually-oriented nudity
5. Drug Abuse

When a christian looks at that list (and at least one of those things MUST be present to receive an ‘R’ rating), it should explain why ‘R’ rated movies can be such a bad thing.  Christians are to dwell upon things that are pure, wholesome, good, and holy – not worldly filth (Php 4:8).  When we dwell upon evil things, like what is found in ‘R’ rated movies, we set ourselves up for spiritual failure and death.  Jesus Christ wasn’t “culturally relevant” in the sense of being like others.  Jesus abhorred worldliness.  The Bible tells us to flee immorality and instead to live soberly and righteously in this present world (Tit 2:12).

The Lord’s church is supposed to uphold the truth (1 Tim 3:15).  It does sound like the congregation you are a part of no longer takes that seriously.  The Lord speaks to us through His Word, not Hollywood.  The Bible is how He reminds us how to live faithfully (2 Pet 3:1).  The Bible is how He teaches us how to avoid sin (1 Jn 2:1).  The Bible is how He shows us how to make our joy full (1 Jn 1:4).  Anything that the world around us shows can only point to God, so that we are without excuse (Rom 1:20).  Salvation and life can only be found in His Word (Rom 1:16).  If a congregation fails to put God’s Word on a platform far above the teachings of the world… then a faithful person must go elsewhere.  See our posts “Finding The Church” and “Preacher Interrogation” for more details on the subject.  We would also be happy to assist you in finding a faithful congregation in your area; simply e-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org.

My parents and I have a question about how to honor my deceased grandpas.  We would appreciate it if you could please help give us some guidance on this.

 

I was raised in a non-christian family in China.  One of my grandpa's ashes is kept in a Taoist temple where all the Taoist gods are worshiped.  My other grandpa has a picture at a Buddhist temple where the monks pray regularly.  My parents and I accepted Jesus Christ a few years ago, but our grandpas' ashes and picture are still at the temples.

We are unsure how to continue to show respect and honor my grandpas without violating God's commandments.  In America, it is typical that the deceased have a grave, and the loved ones go there to present flowers to honor the dead.  However, in my case, I cannot go to where my grandpa's ashes are to honor him without entering the Taoist temple full of idols and false gods.  What should I do?  Can I go, ignore the other gods, but just put flowers there for my grandpa?  Should I not go at all?

We cannot move his ashes elsewhere either because my grandma (who is still alive) and all my other relatives are still not christians.  In addition, the spot for his ashes at the temple cost a lot of money when they purchased it.  They are not going to agree to relocating my grandpa's ashes simply because of my belief and my mother's.  Both of my grandpas never heard the Gospel in their lives.  They died never knowing Jesus.  What shall we do now to honor them?  Thanks in advance for your guidance.

Sincerely,
Temple Trouble

Dear Temple Trouble,

Every culture and country has unique issues that it presents christians with, but there is nothing new under the sun (Eccl 1:9).  Your problem is with appearances.  You know that the Buddhist and Tao gods are nothing at all (1 Cor 8:4).  You know this, but everyone else doesn’t, and therefore, for the sake of their consciences, you must be careful how you act (1 Cor 8:10).  Here are some things to consider:

1. Do people assume if you go to a Taoist temple that you are going to worship their gods?  If so, you cannot go.  Leave flowers outside the temple or give them to relatives to deliver when they visit, but make it clear that you cannot be seen as an idolater.
2. There are some religious sites that don’t give the impression that all visitors are of that religion.  For example, take the Sistine Chapel – millions of people visit the site every year, and many of them are not Catholic at all.  Visiting there does not give the impression you are Catholic; it merely gives the impression that you wanted to see the Sistine Chapel and its art.  If this is the case with visiting these temples, you may be able to go without giving the impression that you are worshipping their idols.  Only you can make this decision.  It is a cultural issue, and you must decide how people would view your visit.
3. Can you in good conscience visit your grandfathers’ memorials?  If we cannot do something in good conscience, for us it is sin (Rom 14:23).  A bothered conscience is a sign that you believe you are doing the wrong thing, and even if that isn’t true – you have to abstain for conscience’s sake.
4. There are many ways to honor our deceased relatives other than visiting their graves.  Putting their photos on our walls, writing memorials, re-telling stories of their lives, etc. are all viable ways of showing how much they meant to you.  When someone dies, they are no longer concerned with the affairs of this world; anything you do to honor them is for the benefit of the living, not them.

After considering both your conscience and the influence you have upon others, prayerfully make a decision and stick to your guns.  In the end, you serve God and not man (Acts 5:29).