We have been attending the same church for seven or eight years.  We are not members but participate in all activities.  We contribute to the love offering, are called when we have prayer chains, and help provide food for a family if someone passes away.  We are included just like a church member, but when our grandson and father passed away, the church didn't provide us with a meal after the service as we do with everyone else.  We aren't members, but I don't think that is the problem because we have provided meals for the non-members that have lost family members.  We feel hurt that we have been overlooked twice.  We thought we were part of this church family; we provide services: i.e. our time to help with the grounds keeping, painting, planting, etc. out of our pocket to help our church out.  We don't ask for repayment or even tell what we do at times.  We do it to feel connected to the church.  Am I wrong in feeling like others have a problem with us, and should we find another church or stay and continue to worship God and do His will?

Sincerely,
Persona Non Grata

Dear Persona Non Grata,

You should definitely always do God’s will, but you will have to decide whether staying where you are is, in fact, fulfilling God’s commands.  What does God say that we should do when others hurt our feelings?   If you really feel offended by someone, you should go and talk to them and, if at all possible, reconcile (Matt 5:23-24).  What you are talking about doesn’t sound like a Bible doctrine disagreement, but a personal (though legitimate) frustration.

However, we have to admit we are confused by the fact that you are so dedicated to this church and yet are not a member… is there something unscriptural about how the church is behaving?  Are they somehow failing to match up with God’s criteria for what the church should be (See “Finding the Church” and “Preacher Interrogation” to look at some of those criteria)?  If your reason for not placing your membership with this church is a Bible reason – then you should leave and find a faithful church to be a part of.  If the reason isn’t Biblical, then you should place your membership there.  There are no examples of christians in the Bible that weren’t members of a local church.  Even the apostle Paul, with all of his traveling, was a member of the church in Antioch (Acts 11:25-26).  Find a faithful group and commit to serving God with them.

Is it possible to be a Christian and not spank your children?  Doesn't the Bible tell us that if we spare the rod, we hate our children?

 

Sincerely,
A-Rod

Dear A-Rod,

The verse you are referring to is Pr 13:24.  It is true that parents must discipline their children.  It is also true that the Bible has absolutely no problem whatsoever with spanking (Pr 22:15).  Spanking won’t kill your child, nor will it hurt their little psyches, no matter what today’s current psychological theorists might say (Pr 23:13).  So if you spank your children, you are making a perfectly sound Biblical choice.

However, your question didn’t deal with those who spank their kids; it dealt with those who don’t.  We wouldn’t use any of the previously cited verses to say that you must spank your child to discipline them.  Proverbs teaches general principles, not specific techniques.  If we use those verses for specific techniques, then we would have to say spanking with anything but a rod was unbiblical.  The principle of Proverbs is that children need discipline – sometimes firm discipline.  It is a parent’s job to train their child for the way that they should live (Pr 22:6).  Each individual parent must decide on the specific techniques needed to reach the goal of properly disciplining and training their children up in the Lord.

Is consuming herb, also called ‘marijuana’, a sin?  I refer to Gen 1 on the third day.

Sincerely,
Not Basil & Chives

Dear Not Basil & Chives,

Yes, consuming marijuana for “recreational” purposes is wrong.  Yes, God created every green herb on day three (Gen 1:11-13), but He didn’t create them to be used inappropriately.  God condemns drunkenness and insobriety (Rom 13:13, 1 Cor 6:10).  If any drug, including marijuana, is used to create a state of drunkenness – then, yes, it is a sin.

God created everything in this world for our good, and He created us for good works (Eph 2:10).  Abusing the plants and herbs that God has blessed this world with harms us and is a sin.  When we don’t treat our bodies with respect, we harm ourselves as well as displeasing God (1 Cor 6:19-20).  Glorify God in your body and stay free of the damaging effects of drugs.

I have a friend that is a christian, but the father of her child is not.  They no longer date, but she still cares for him.  He will not work or spend time with his child.  He does not give the child financial support.  He studied the Bible for a short time but lost interest because nothing changed in his life.  Apart from her own interests, she still wants to be with him for the child's sake.  He wants to control her and does not want her to date other guys.  He becomes very upset when she dates christian guys.  What does the Bible say about their relationship? And what advice can I give her according to the Bible?

Sincerely,
Aiding A Friend

Dear Aiding A Friend,

As we often say when we answer these types of questions – we here at AYP will avoid the details of the personal aspect of this question and deal primarily with the Bible one.  There is no quick and easy answer for the personal side that can be addressed through a website.  These kinds of problems take godly friends, faith, and time to sort out.

The emotional baggage involved with this situation is sticky, but the Bible facts are simple.  She is not married to this man and has ZERO responsibility to date/court/marry someone that meets his approval.  An ungodly man disliking godly choices is nothing new (Jhn 3:20).  Without dwelling upon the past choices that led her to having a child with a man she is not married to, it is fair to say that she will only find a good life for herself and her child if she makes better choices… godly choices (Gal 6:7-9).  She needs to begin sowing a better life for herself.  The only hope she has of finding a life that is good for herself (and for her child – Pr 22:6) is to begin to fear God and keep His commandments above all else (Ps 111:10).  Only when we prize God above all other relationships do we succeed in life.  Serving Christ often brings great strife into our lives, but ultimately it bears the fruit of long-term peace (Gal 5:22).  Even though it sets us at odds with those around us, including loved ones, we must press on and endure, so that we might be found worthy of Christ (Matt 10:34-38).  Christianity is about making Bible choices regardless of how hard they might seem.

How do we appropriately ask for God to intervene in the life of a sick child?  Should we ask for the child's sake, for His glory, or on the family's behalf?

Sincerely,
Worried Sick

Dear Worried Sick,

All three reasons are wonderful.  James gives an example of praying for the sick, purely because they are sick and want to feel better (Jas 5:14).  Elijah prayed for a child's life for the mother's sake (1 Kgs 17:20-21).  Paul prayed that Christians would be blessed so that God might be glorified (2 Thess 1:12).  We have examples of all three motivations for asking for God's help.  God states that human life has an intrinsic, precious value (Gen 9:6) The desire to preserve life is reason enough to ask for God's help.