Can a pastor who is married to a divorced woman still lead the church of God?

Sincerely,
Protecting The Office

Dear Protecting The Office,

It depends.  For the sake of clarity, we will assume that the man is biblically and appropriately married to this woman (there are many details involved with marriage after a divorce that go far beyond the scope of this question) and that the man has always been a faithful husband.  The Scriptures require the elder to be a “one-woman-man” (1 Tim 3:2).  A congregation would have to make a decision whether or not the man was properly fulfilling that requirement.

Secondly, an elder’s wife must be “grave, not a slanderer, temperate, and faithful in all things” (1 Tim 3:11).  Depending on the circumstances surrounding the woman’s divorce and her current behavior and conduct, this divorced woman may or may not disqualify her husband from serving as a pastor.

Does the Bible support courtship?

Sincerely,
Looking For A Verdict

Dear Looking For A Verdict,

The dictionary defines ‘courtship’ as ‘a period during which a couple develop a romantic relationship, especially with a view to marriage’.  Using that definition, the Bible highly supports courtship.  All positive Biblical examples of men and women in romantic relationships include a view towards marriage.  God doesn’t intend for people to be romantically involved without also being maritally minded.  The entire book of Song of Solomon addresses the romantic relationships between men and women… and marriage is the long-term outlook.

There are many different views on what courtship should look like (and that is in the realm of opinion, not Biblical insight), but the general principle of viewing all romantic relationships as an attempt at finding your lifelong mate is definitely appropriate.  Unlike the prevalent worldview that teaches us to focus on the physical side of the opposite gender, the Bible teaches that we should seek to know the inner character of someone we would like to build a life with (1 Pet 3:3-4).  Men are to treat women as they would want their sisters treated, and women are to treat men as they would have their brothers treated (1 Tim 5:2).  Romantic relationships are designed to help us find that one person that we will “leave and cleave” with to start our own family (Eph 5:31).

I am in a relationship with a guy who has a child from a previous relationship. He was never married to this person.  He has asked God for forgiveness and sets a great christian example for his daughter.  My question is: is it okay for me to be in this relationship being that he had a child out of wedlock (although he has asked for forgiveness), or is this something that God frowns upon?

Sincerely,
Marriage Material?

Dear Marriage Material,

Yes, it was a sin for him to have a child outside of marriage (1 Thess 4:3-4).  Yes, a christian can be forgiven of that sin (1 Jn 1:9).  Yes, it is okay for you to date and, if you desire, eventually marry him.  Sin is a horrible thing, but if you couldn’t date people who have sin in their past… you couldn’t date anyone (Rom 3:23).

The key is to make sure that you, and he, are using the Bible as the guide to your life now.  God deeply loves every human being and rejoices over each sinner that repents and turns back to Him (Lk 15:7).

I'm twenty-seven-years-old, and I want to know what my responsibilities are to 'honor' and 'respect' my christian parents.  I'm a christian, too, but my parents still control nearly every aspect of my life - pulling out Bible verses for everything they think I'm doing wrong.  How do I live my own life and work on my relationship with God without feeling so pressured and controlled by my parents?  Or is my christian duty to always obey my parents as long as their teachings are 'Biblical'?

 

Sincerely,
Honor Bound

Dear Honor Bound,

You must always do what the Bible says – if you are living a way that is unscriptural and your parents are pointing that out, you should change.  However, it sounds like you are talking more about issues of opinion that you and your parents are disagreeing over.  This becomes a trickier issue.  The Bible does not require grown children to obey their parents, but it does require them to honor their parents (Lk 18:19-20)… there is a difference.  ‘Honor’ means ‘to place in a position of esteem’ or ‘to highly value’.  Grown children can highly value their parents without obeying everything they say.  Adult children honor their parents by valuing their advice (Job 12:12), respecting their age (1 Tim 5:1), caring for their parents in their old age (Mk 7:10-12), etc.

There is great debate over exactly what age parents begin to relinquish their authority over their children.  Some say eighteen; others say at marriage; still others say when you leave the house; suffice it to say, twenty-seven would typically be deemed an appropriate age to transition from childhood to adulthood.

The Bible says that Jesus said, "No one gets to the Father except through me", which I have been taught means if you don't believe God is the Father and Jesus is His Son, you don't/won't go to heaven.

My question is: does this mean that three quarters of the world's population (non-christians, Jews, Mormons, the Dalai Lama, etc.) who don't believe that Jesus is the Son of God aren't going to heaven?  It doesn't seem to me that the God I believe in would let this happen.

Sincerely,
Sympathy For The Masses

Dear Sympathy For The Masses,

The verse you are referring to is Jhn 14:6.  Here is a great example of a fork in the road for christians.  Will we take the Bible at face value and accept what God says, or will we ignore certain verses in order to mold God into an image that is more suitable for us?  You are absolutely right; there is no mistaking the implications of Jhn 14:6.  All that do not follow Christ will not be saved.  In fact, there are other verses that re-emphasize this message.  Jesus said that the way to salvation was narrow, and the way to destruction was wide (Matt 7:13).  He also says that many people will erroneously claim to have served God and will be turned away on the Judgment Day (Matt 7:22-23).

These verses do exclude large swaths of mankind from heaven.  However, if we believe the Bible to be God’s infallible Word (and we here at AYP do – read “Who Wrote The Bible” to see why we are so convinced), then we must accept that the same loving God who would send His own Son to die for our sins has a very good reason for being so picky about who goes to heaven.  Remember, God doesn’t condemn people to hell; it is our sinful choices that does that (Rom 6:23).  Jehovah offers us salvation through His Son, even though we deserve death (Jhn 3:16).