Should you co-sign for your adult children to purchase a car?  Or illegally rent a car in your name for them to drive?

Signed,
Loan Agent

Dear Loan Agent,

You should never co-sign for anybody, and you should never do anything illegal.  God tells us to obey the laws of the land (Rom 13:1-4).  If you commit fraud in renting a car for your child, you are sinning.

Co-signing is similarly wrong.  Co-signing is the act of agreeing to take responsibility for paying the debts of someone else.  In essence, the bank has said that your child is too high of a risk to loan money to.  When you co-sign for them, you are saying that you are taking the risk that the bank is unwilling to.  God says that this is a very bad idea (Pr 17:18).  He also promises that you will suffer for it (Pr 11:15).  If you have co-signed for something, God tells you to do whatever it takes to get out of that situation (Pr 6:1-5).  Eventually, your children will be able to purchase that vehicle on their own.  It is a good thing for them to bear the burden of working for things on their own (Lam 3:27).  As it’s been said, “It builds character.”  Of course, you also always have the option of simply giving them the money if you feel they need it so badly.

The Bible tells us many times that God loves us.  So my question is: how could a God that loves us so much condemn anyone to eternal suffering in hell?  I believe that the vast majority of the world would say, "no" if you asked them if they are a christian.  By what the Bible tells us, that would mean that most people will go to hell.  It is very difficult for me to believe in a loving, caring God under those circumstances.  The parable of the sheep and goats is an even further discouragement.  Please help me out.

Sincerely,
That Fire Is Hot

Dear That Fire Is Hot,

God doesn’t condemn us to hell; He offers to save us from ourselves.  When God designed mankind, He made us in His image (Gen 1:26).  One result of that design is that all humans have eternal souls.  That is a positive thing.  God intended for Adam & Eve to never die and to always enjoy the blessings of fellowship with God in the garden (Gen 2:8).  Eden was a perfect situation, and it was our sin that destroyed that perfection.  Mankind sinned, and that sin causes us to die (Rom 6:23).  God gives us the freedom to choose to live or choose to sin; the fact that we all choose to sin is not His fault (Rom 5:12).  Heaven is a perfect place, and if God allowed sinful people into heaven, it would cease to be perfect.  Our actions and choices have condemned us.

God, however, wishes to save us from ourselves.  He sent His only begotten Son to die for our sins (Jhn 3:16).  He provided us with the Bible, which shows us the path to receive salvation (Rom 10:17, Rom 1:16).  We should not blame God for those who go to hell any more than we should blame a doctor when his patient refuses to take their medication.  It is true that many people will go to hell (Matt 7:13), but God doesn’t desire that any should perish (Ezek 18:23).  God sent us a Savior in Jesus Christ, even though we didn’t deserve it (1 Jn 4:14).

I have a friend, and he bounces back and forth with his spiritual beliefs.  At the present time, this person is intimate with his cousin.  I could explain the story, but the relevance I am looking for is Biblical.  Where in the scriptures does it talk about intimacy with cousins, family members, and so forth as wrong?  We grow up as kids being taught that it is wrong.  My friend thinks since he is not breaking any laws and they’re not having children, it is okay.  I know his motives are all wrong; it is all about the pleasure and selfish desires.  Please provide guidance and suggestions on how to approach this matter.  I am one who cares, but I also realize I am powerless.  What others do with their lives does not affect me… is it my business?

Sincerely,
My Family Tree Forks

Dear My Family Tree Forks,

In the New Testament, there is only one place that addresses the issue of fornication with family members.  1 Cor 5:1 mentions a man who had taken his father’s wife.  This verse wouldn’t condemn marrying a first cousin.  In fact, there aren’t any verses that would condemn that choice.  It may be socially unacceptable in America in this age (fifty years ago in America it was a fairly common practice), but it is not a sin.  The only intra-family relationships that are ever condemned in the Bible are relations among immediate family members (Lev 18:6-18).  The ordinance reaches as far as aunts and uncles, but it does not extend all the way to cousins.

However, this seems to be the least of your friend’s problems.  From what you have told us, he is committing fornication.  That is a sin no matter who is involved (1 Cor 6:18).  However, if your friend doesn’t care what the Bible says on that topic (and you have indicated that he doesn’t), you will be wasting your breath.  Don’t throw your pearls before swine (Matt 7:6).  Sadly, there is nothing you can do if he doesn’t want your help.

I had a falling out with a childhood friend after decades of friendship.  I had been a support to this friend through a painful divorce, financial issues, and helping him find his way. In the end, this friendship turned out to be destructive.  I finally stood up for myself and told him that I just couldn't do this anymore. What I didn't expect was a profane and a rather violent verbal response. I was shocked!  Since this time, I have prayed to God for healing and understanding. I have come a long way in this process, but I have a question. You see, I've reached out to this person in forgiveness ... peace ... and attempted to understand where he is coming from.  I feel God wants us to live in PEACE and FORGIVENESS, so that is what I've tried to do.  My question is: what would God have us do when we reach out in peace and forgiveness, and it is only met with hostility and more anger?  I would like to know what it is that God expects of us when things like this happens in our lives.  I have forgiven him for the hatefulness and unkind words (even though he didn't ask for forgiveness)... but do I continue to seek out peace or let it go and just let God work on it?  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Mending Fences

Dear Mending Fences,

You do what you can, and then you let it go.  God says that “as much as it depends on you, be at peace with all men” (Rom 12:18).  You must do everything that you can to mend the wounds of your friendship, and then leave the rest to God.  “As much as depends on you” means that not everything does depend on you.  All relationships with other human beings are two-way streets.  If you have tried sincerely, honestly, and completely to do your part to make things work… you’ve done your part.

I live with my boyfriend whom I have known for five years; I moved in with him eight months ago.  Everything was good and happy the first few months.  Now he stops taking me out and goes places alone.  He sits on his computer and IMs a girl he is planning to go see… but told me at first it was a guy.  He is paying for weekend airfare to Texas from Florida, but can’t take me to dinner.  I love him but don’t know what I should do.  Can you help me get him off the computer and away from a weekend fling and back to our happiness?  It's really all I'm asking for.

Sincerely,
The Way It Was

Dear The Way It Was,

You aren’t happy because you aren’t feeding the needs of your soul.  Human beings are physical creatures as well as spiritual creatures.  The physical part of us wants to fulfill whatever desires we have at the moment – the need for companionship, sexual desires, hunger, anger release, etc.  The problem is that if we live like we are only physical creatures, we destroy our lives.  We aren’t only flesh and blood – humans are made in the image of God (Gen 1:27).  We have souls, and when we make choices that are sinful, we harm ourselves.  It is only when we depart from evil that we preserve our souls (Pr 16:17).

God intends for a man and a woman to live together only when they are married (Heb 13:4).  Living with your boyfriend erodes the relationship instead of bolstering it.  Living with your boyfriend is sinful, and it is no surprise that you are having problems because of it.  Living with your boyfriend was a fleshly decision, not a spiritual one.  Only in marriage will God bless you with happiness.  Since your boyfriend hasn’t committed to be your husband, it stands to reason that he isn’t committed to you.

You need to move out.  You are sinning (1 Cor 6:18).  Only when you begin to live your life by God’s standard will you feed the needs of your soul and be truly happy.  Jesus said that He is life (Jhn 14:6).  Only by following Jesus’ teachings found in the Bible will you find true happiness and eternal life.  Flee from immorality and begin to live by God’s standards.  Feel free to write us back at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist, and we will be happy to teach you how to start a new and happy life in Christ.