My sister fell away a few years ago and has been living with her boyfriend, soon to be husband. She hasn't been living a life that is outlined in the Bible in any way shape or form. Should I withdraw myself from her completely, keep my distance but still talk to her, or act like nothing is wrong and carry on like normal?

Truly,
Worried and Confused Sibling

Dear Worried and Confused Sibling,

I suggest communicating your concerns and then having as normal a relationship with your sister as is possible under the circumstances.  Close relatives and loved ones falling away can be torturous on the rest of the family.  Your relationship isn't as clear cut as the rest of the brethren in this case.  The church is given strict orders to withdraw and not associate with a wayward brother or sister (1 Cor 5:13). However, the immediate family doesn't have the same "black and white" guidelines.  In fact, we see that they sometimes are commanded to do the opposite- as in the case of an unbelieving spouse (1 Cor 7:13).

There can be no doubt that your relationship has changed with your sister.  To deny the change would go against your conscience (which is wrong - 1 Tim 3:9).  I recommend a heartfelt prayerful letter addressing the issue.  Tell her how you feel about her choices, how much she matters to you, and that your concerns for her and her husband-to-be are out of love and that you only voice them because your relationship with her matters to you.  That kind of letter leaves the door open for further/discussion and interaction while also appeasing your conscience.  You will know that you have "done what you can" and don't have to worry about every family gathering, phone call, visit, etc. being seen as passive approval of her choices.

Is it in God’s Word to pray for people who have died?

Sincerely,
Funereal Friend

Dear Funereal Friend,

1 Jn 5:16 talks about not praying for a sin that leads to death, but that doesn’t really deal with dead people; it pertains to people who are purposefully turning their backs on the Lord.  We are told not to request that God forgive people who aren’t seeking to live faithfully.

Your question deals with people that are already dead, and that is an entirely different issue.  Heb 9:27 says that people die and then face the judgment.  There is no room for someone’s fate to be changed once they die.  If your goal through prayer is to make it so someone who already died can go to heaven instead of hell, that won’t work.

     I have a close friend that is married to a preacher.  She was recently fired from her job, and then soon after, her husband lost his preaching job.  She was collecting unemployment benefits while her husband was looking for a new preaching job, but she wasn't really looking for a new job herself.  Now they have moved to a new state where her husband found a preaching job at a smaller congregation.  She is still collecting unemployment.  She recently told me that she has no desire to look for a job as long as she is getting "paid" not to work.  I have questioned her about this, but she really doesn't feel bad about it at all.  I think it is completely wrong, and I am sure the new church family they are a part of would not agree with such an attitude, but I bet they don't have a clue.  What should I do?

Sincerely,
Frustrated Friend

Dear Frustrated Friend,

You’ve done all that you can and ought to do.  Good brethren are squarely divided on collecting unemployment benefits.  One side says something like, “If someone can’t find work, that is one thing, but if you are purposely not even trying to find work, then you are sinning because of the teachings found in 2 Thess 3:10 and 1 Tim 5:8.”  That argument sounds really great until you hear the opposing point of view (Pr 18:17).

Those on the other side, like your friend, often say something like, “They call it unemployment benefits for a reason.  My employer and I paid for me to have these benefits.  The fact that the government steps in to extend or increase those benefits doesn’t change the fact that they were part of my employment benefits… no different than health insurance if I got sick or L & I if I got hurt on the job.”

The principle is that both sides have a compelling argument, and in such cases, the best thing to do is to make your point and then leave each individual to work out the issue for themselves (Php 2:12).  Come to your own conclusion on the matter until you have confidence (Rom 14:5), but don’t despise those who feel differently, and hopefully, they will do the same (Rom 14:10-13).

I looked at a website of Holy Bible subjects about suicide/heaven and just got confused.  I know suicide is a sin.  My question is: if a person is saved and commits suicide, will they go to heaven?  My belief is being saved forgives our sins, but does suicide not let them into heaven?

Sincerely,
Not Sure

Dear Not Sure, 

People can lose their salvation. Heb 6:4-6 and Heb 10:26-27 outline that if someone rejects God’s Word (even after becoming a christian), they will go to hell just like any other unbeliever. And that is the key to the whole thing – is suicide an example of rejecting God’s Word and sinning willfully?

The Bible never specifically addresses suicide as being worse then another sin. Suicide certainly is condemned. Suicide is murder, self-murder, and is therefore very clearly a sin (Rev 21:8). The only difference between suicide and murdering someone else is that you don’t get a chance to repent after suicide. Suicide is a final decision and leaves no room for correction or for asking forgiveness. Therefore, in most cases, it would be fair to say that suicide will send you to hell. It is a willful act of disobedience against God without opportunity for repentance.

We here at AYP only hesitate to say, “All people who commit suicide go to hell,” because God never specifically makes that statement. The final judgment belongs to God (Heb 12:23), but we certainly wouldn’t want to face that judgment with our own blood on our hands.

     Is a person that just got saved supposed to treat friends that she has been around for 10 to 15 years badly?  I mean, is she supposed to stop conversing with unsaved people that she’s been friends with for a long time?

Sincerely,
Out In The Cold

Dear Out In The Cold,

A new Christian might have to put some distance between themselves and certain friends – a lot of it depends on the choices those friends are making.  It is sometimes hard for those outside of Christ to realize it, but becoming a Christian is a completely new life with new priorities and new direction.  Jesus compared it to being born again (Jhn 3:3).  When someone becomes a Christian, they make a commitment to God to repent of their sinful ways (Acts 3:19) and let their life be guided by Christ (Gal 2:20).  Any sort of drastic change in priorities of that magnitude will affect every corner of a person’s life, including their friendships.

1 Cor 15:33 says that bad company can corrupt us.  If someone becomes a Christian and still hangs out at the bar with their cussing drinking buddies, they aren’t likely to live that new life that Christ commanded.  It isn’t enough to say they will change; a new Christian needs to put themselves in an environment that will help them grow.  Sometimes, that means severing unhealthy friendships.

Having said that, becoming a Christian doesn’t mean all relationships have to end or that it is okay to be mean or unkind to people.  But if two people’s lives are going different places, it is natural for them to become distant.