[This question is a follow-up to “Love For The Unrepentant”.]

     I can see how I got the concept of forgiveness confused, but there's one thing unanswered on a statement made by that brother.  How would forgiving the unrepentant person be considered superseding God?  Am I in the act of blasphemy when doing this?  Would I be breaking a command of God?  How will I know if the person really repented, or if they're only saying it without actually doing the works?  I need further understanding because this is what recently led me to question my faith and possibly consider departing from the church of Christ.

Sincerely,
Forgive Or Forget

Dear Forgive Or Forget,

If we forgive someone that is obviously unrepentant, then we are doing exactly what the brethren in 1 Cor 5 did that got them into so much trouble.  1 Cor 5 tells of a brother that had his father’s wife and was flaunting the sin.  The Corinthian brethren weren’t mourning or worked up over this sin; they just let it go (1 Cor 5:1-2).  Their willingness to cancel the sin without dealing with the sin got them into a lot of trouble with God!

However, we emphasize the words obviously unrepentant because there are many times when people do change their behavior, do feel sorry about what they’ve done, and yet, don’t specifically say, “I’m sorry”.  For example, a husband yells at his wife but then later comes back into the house with flowers.  Technically, he never apologized, but the gesture and behavior make it clear that he is repentant.

It is areas like this where we must be careful to give others the benefit of the doubt.  After all, love hopes all things (1 Cor 13:7).  Though there are times when we can turn a blind eye to sin and cause a lot of problems, it is also important that we not think the worst of people.  If someone apologizes, we should take their word for it unless actions clearly show otherwise.  Also, sometimes people’s actions show their repentance, and we should be ready to forgive even if we don’t receive the type of apology we might have hoped for.

     My husband was a preacher, but he left me for another woman and went to live with her.  He left me living in his parents’ home (which I could be asked to move from), got a good job in Tennessee (not preaching), and the woman has moved in with him. Why is everything working out for him?  He is doing well; I am still going to church.  I work, have to pay all my bills, and my car is acting up.  She got him a nice Jeep.  My legs are hurting; I have a rash but don’t have the money to go to a doctor, but he goes when needed!  My question is: why is everything going so well for him?  I am 64 years old and was left with nothing; I try to do what is right by people, but yet, everything is roses for him.  I just don’t understand.

Sincerely,
Left Behind

Dear Left Behind,

Your frustration is valid, and the psalmist, Asaph, had the same frustration.  In Psalm 73, Asaph talked about his animosity toward the success of the ungodly… he said it made him so mad that he almost fell away from God (Ps 73:2).  However, Asaph finally concluded that the ungodly were not blessed because their entire existence was slippery and dependent upon their physical prosperity (Ps 73:18).  Only God’s people have an eternal hope that gives us comfort regardless of how life goes here (Ps 73:27-28).

A life of wickedness is a slippery slope – one lie leads to another until all you have is a tangle of lies and deception (Ps 73:18).  The wicked man has no peace because he is totally dependent upon his own strength and wiles for success… every moment of life is lived upon a precipice (Ps 73:19).

Contrast that life to one of a righteous man.  God holds the hand of the righteous, so they will not despair (Ps 73:23), and God is a righteous man’s counselor and friend (Ps 73:24).  Ultimately, the righteous go to heaven, and the wicked spend eternity in hell (Ps 73:25).  Sometimes, it is maddeningly difficult to see wicked people “getting away” with sin, but God reminds us to consider their latter end.

     Does God see it as wrong or sinful for interracial couples (black/white) to be together, dating, or married?

Sincerely,
Color Blind

Dear Color Blind,

There is absolutely nothing wrong with interracial marriage.  We are all descendants of Adam and Eve (Gen 3:20), and, therefore, race is a moot point.  Secondly, in Christ, such things as race have no significance (Gal 3:27-28).  The only concern you should have when falling in love and marrying is whether or not they are “in the Lord”, i.e. a Christian (1 Cor 7:39).

     Why is it that the body is divided over whether or not one should forgive someone even if they don't repent?  I shared an article entitled "No Remorse", and a brother's response was that "Jesus never commanded us to forgive others who aren't willing to repent. Stop telling people they should. Stop making yourself better than God." I even showed him Romans 12:14-21 as well as Luke 6:27-36. His response was that:

 "Nothing in that passage is about forgiveness and does not negate what Jesus said in Luke.  That was your passage, remember, but now you don't like it so much, do you, because it contradicts what you are trying to prove.  But it still says, ‘if they repent’.  You are confused on several levels: repentance, forgiveness, vengeance, and doing good all are different concepts… and should not be confused with each other!"

Is there anything I'm missing?  Am I wrong?  Is this a possible "letter of the law" thought on his part?  Help!  I need understanding!

Sincerely,
Forgive or Forget

Dear Forgive Or Forget,

Your friend is correct (although perhaps a bit rough in his delivery), and there are a couple of concepts you are getting confused with each other.  Forgiveness means that you no longer hold someone accountable for what they have done – you cancel the debt.  God is willing to do that for anyone, but He only does it for those who repent and return to Him (Acts 8:22).  We must do the same.  The teaching of Lk 17:3 states that we must forgive when someone repents.

However, even if someone doesn’t repent, we must still do good to them, and we must still show them love.  The Bible specifically says that in the verses you mentioned.  This, too, is exactly like what God does here on Earth.  God causes the rain to fall on both the righteous and the unrighteous (Matt 5:45).  God gives rain to the crops of evil farmers, too!

Furthermore, God warns us that we are not allowed to take revenge for the times when people mistreat us (Rom 12:19).  Vengeance is God’s job, not ours.  Just because someone isn’t repentant, that doesn’t give us the right to seek to cause them harm or take justice into our own hands.

So, to sum up, when a Christian is confronted with an unrepentant person, we aren’t expected to cancel the debt, but we are expected to treat them with love and respect and not to seek revenge.

A great example of this can be found in 1 Cor 5:1.  The apostle Paul rebuked the church at Corinth because there was a member in that congregation that was committing fornication with his father’s wife – definitely a sin.  The man knew it was wrong, accepted that it was wrong, and still continued to live that lifestyle… he was unrepentant.  Paul said the church needed to rebuke him and withdraw from him (1 Cor 5:13).  However, Paul also said that church discipline should be out of love (2 Thess 3:15) and that it should be done out of a desire to help, not to harm.  The church at Corinth did exactly that, and eventually, the man came back and repented.  When he did that, Paul commanded them to embrace him and forgive (2 Cor 2:6-8).  Kindness, love, and a vengeance-free attitude were shown at all times, but forgiveness was only shown when repentance occurred.

     I am so hurt right now and confused.  I don’t know what to do; all my husband wants to do is yell and cuss at me for the least little thing; he gets angry easily and then tries to come up and love and wonders why I am not talking.  It is hard to love on someone who is always angry, yelling, and cussing.  I have talked to him about it, and he will do good for awhile; then it is the same all over again.  I love God.  I pray; I try to be patient, but it is hard.  What do I do?

Sincerely,
Feeling Raw

Dear Feeling Raw,

Our hearts really and truly go out to you – you are obviously “unequally yoked” in spiritual matters (2 Cor 6:14).  There is no simple answer in this case, but there are some principles that you should consider.  It is a very difficult road to be married when it isn’t the fairy tale that people expect.  So what is the answer?

God says that your greatest tool of influence on your husband is your godly behavior.  1 Pet 3:1-2 says that the most effective influence a wife can have is her behavior.  It isn’t the words that you say that will have the most impact; it is the godly life you live.  When your choices show that you put God first and that your fear and respect of the Lord is the guiding light of your life, it will influence your husband.

Being faithful in a difficult marriage is hard, and our hearts go out to you in your struggle.  You are doing the right thing, and how you feel is totally normal.  Just remember, all things can work together for God if we trust in the Lord (Rom 8:28).  You mentioned that your husband has tried to change in the past.  That is a wonderful thing because it means that he wants to be better.  That is hope for the future.