My parents and I have a question about how to honor my deceased grandpas.  We would appreciate it if you could please help give us some guidance on this.

 

I was raised in a non-christian family in China.  One of my grandpa's ashes is kept in a Taoist temple where all the Taoist gods are worshiped.  My other grandpa has a picture at a Buddhist temple where the monks pray regularly.  My parents and I accepted Jesus Christ a few years ago, but our grandpas' ashes and picture are still at the temples.

We are unsure how to continue to show respect and honor my grandpas without violating God's commandments.  In America, it is typical that the deceased have a grave, and the loved ones go there to present flowers to honor the dead.  However, in my case, I cannot go to where my grandpa's ashes are to honor him without entering the Taoist temple full of idols and false gods.  What should I do?  Can I go, ignore the other gods, but just put flowers there for my grandpa?  Should I not go at all?

We cannot move his ashes elsewhere either because my grandma (who is still alive) and all my other relatives are still not christians.  In addition, the spot for his ashes at the temple cost a lot of money when they purchased it.  They are not going to agree to relocating my grandpa's ashes simply because of my belief and my mother's.  Both of my grandpas never heard the Gospel in their lives.  They died never knowing Jesus.  What shall we do now to honor them?  Thanks in advance for your guidance.

Sincerely,
Temple Trouble

Dear Temple Trouble,

Every culture and country has unique issues that it presents christians with, but there is nothing new under the sun (Eccl 1:9).  Your problem is with appearances.  You know that the Buddhist and Tao gods are nothing at all (1 Cor 8:4).  You know this, but everyone else doesn’t, and therefore, for the sake of their consciences, you must be careful how you act (1 Cor 8:10).  Here are some things to consider:

1. Do people assume if you go to a Taoist temple that you are going to worship their gods?  If so, you cannot go.  Leave flowers outside the temple or give them to relatives to deliver when they visit, but make it clear that you cannot be seen as an idolater.
2. There are some religious sites that don’t give the impression that all visitors are of that religion.  For example, take the Sistine Chapel – millions of people visit the site every year, and many of them are not Catholic at all.  Visiting there does not give the impression you are Catholic; it merely gives the impression that you wanted to see the Sistine Chapel and its art.  If this is the case with visiting these temples, you may be able to go without giving the impression that you are worshipping their idols.  Only you can make this decision.  It is a cultural issue, and you must decide how people would view your visit.
3. Can you in good conscience visit your grandfathers’ memorials?  If we cannot do something in good conscience, for us it is sin (Rom 14:23).  A bothered conscience is a sign that you believe you are doing the wrong thing, and even if that isn’t true – you have to abstain for conscience’s sake.
4. There are many ways to honor our deceased relatives other than visiting their graves.  Putting their photos on our walls, writing memorials, re-telling stories of their lives, etc. are all viable ways of showing how much they meant to you.  When someone dies, they are no longer concerned with the affairs of this world; anything you do to honor them is for the benefit of the living, not them.

After considering both your conscience and the influence you have upon others, prayerfully make a decision and stick to your guns.  In the end, you serve God and not man (Acts 5:29).

I got baptized nine years ago at some church where my boyfriend was going.  A couple days ago, someone pointed out to me that I wasn't baptized for the forgiveness of my sins.  I just got baptized again.  I haven't really told anyone yet.  I feel kinda dumb for not knowing all those years and thinking that I was going to heaven.  Am I lying by not saying something?

 

Sincerely,
Back To The Beginning

Dear Back To The Beginning,

The willingness to change when confronted with the truth is the mark of an intelligent and honest person.  You have nothing to be ashamed of.  You aren’t required to tell everyone you meet, but don’t avoid the subject.  The fact that you are concerned that you are lying is a sign that your conscience is bothering you.  If there are people that you specifically avoid the subject with, and it is bothering your conscience, then you may need to go out of your way to tell them.  It is very important that christians always try and keep a clean conscience (Acts 24:16).

On top of that, you have nothing to be ashamed of; being baptized is a joyous event and an opportunity to let your light shine (Matt 5:16).  You are a christian now.  Christians have a responsibility to confess Christ to the rest of mankind (Matt 10:32-33).  Let those around you know how happy you are.

I am a christian, but there is one thing I've always been confused about. Hundreds of times throughout the Bible (Old and New Testaments) we are told to "fear the Lord" (Some examples are Deu 10:20, Ps 2:11, Ps 112:1, and Eccl 3:14), but then in certain passages it says that if God lives in you, there is no fear (like 1 Jn 4:18).  This seems to be terribly contradictory and confusing.  Can you explain it to me, please?

 

Sincerely,
Panic Attack

Dear Panic Attack,

The word ‘fear’ is used in two senses throughout the Bible.  ‘Fear’ is sometimes used to mean ‘terror and dread’.  This can easily be seen in the verses like Heb 13:6 and Acts 16:29.  This is the way we use the word ‘fear’ in our modern speech.  However, there is a second distinctly different meaning for ‘fear’.  ‘Fear’ can also refer to ‘respect and reverence’.  When God tells a woman to fear her husband – that means to respect him (Eph 5:33).  It wouldn’t make sense for God to command a wife to be terrified or to dread her husband.  This is also what is meant when God commands servants to fear their masters (1 Pet 2:18).

When God tells us to fear Him, He means that we should revere and honor Him above all others (1 Pet 2:17).  We should never forget that God is in control and mightier than us; those who forget to respect and revere God will be condemned (Rom 3:16-18).

However, when we turn to God and devote ourselves in love to Him, we no longer need to fear Him as our enemy.  When we love God and draw near to Him, He draws near to us (Jas 4:8).  We can now approach God as our Father (Rom 8:15).  As we perfect our love for God, we need no longer tremble in terror (which is one type of fear) because our respect and reverence (another type of fear) for our Heavenly Father has allowed us to boldly approach Him without fear of judgment (1 Jn 4:16-18).

Sometimes when women have gotten together, there has been the comment of, “If my husband commits adultery, I don't want to know.”  My question is: what does God think about this?  If the husband has asked God to forgive him, does he have the right to keep that kind of secret from his spouse, or does he still have the responsibility to make it right as far as he has made it wrong?  Would it still be a deception?

 

Sincerely,
Give Me The Truth

Dear Give Me The Truth,

The Bible never says what sins we must confess to man and what sins we can keep between ourselves and God.  If the wife directly asks whether or not adultery has been committed, the husband would certainly have to answer truthfully (1 Jn 1:10).  However, if the question isn’t directly asked, the water gets a little murkier as to what must be done.

The Bible answer to this question is simply: it depends.  The Bible certainly tells us there are times that we should confess our sins one to another (Jas 5:16).  It also teaches that a marriage is supposed to be the most intimate relationship that we have in this life (Eph 5:31).  On top of that, when adultery is committed, divorce is permissible (Matt 5:32).  It would seem appropriate to let the injured spouse know that they have that option available to them when they had been wronged so grievously.  These three concepts would lean towards telling the spouse when adultery has been committed… and in 99% of the cases, that would be the right thing to do.

The problem is that the Bible never says the spouse must always be informed, and therefore, we here at AYP can’t say that either.  However, it is fair to say that the old adage “honesty is the best policy” is still a good principle to live by (Jhn 8:32).

Hi, I'm loving your website right now; thanks for sharing this great site with us!

 

I have a question in regards to speaking in tongues.  A co-worker of mine (who states she is a christian) and I have many talks about biblical topics.  She told me the other day that she has spoken in tongues before.  She also said that she was filled with the Holy Spirit prior to her baptism.  She believes that since she is filled with the Holy Spirit, she is able to speak in tongues.  I know this ability was for the apostles and we do not have this gift today... but how do I go about teaching her this from the New Testament?  I know we all have gifts, but I want to show her this is not a gift that we are bestowed with today.  Help please!

Sincerely,
English Please

Dear English Please,

The easiest way to handle someone who says they have spoken in tongues is to simply ask, “Oh, what tongue did you speak in?”  Invariably, they will be tongue-tied because they will have no clue what you are talking about.  At this point, you can begin to explain that the Bible says speaking in tongues was a miraculous ability that allowed someone to speak in REAL languages that they had never learned (Acts 2:7-11).  The charismatic and Pentecostal churches teach that speaking in tongues is a “hidden” or “secret” language that can only be understood by the angelic beings unless an interpreter is present.  That is hogwash.

The whole purpose of speaking in tongues was to allow the gospel to be spread rapidly.  The gift of speaking in tongues was only useful if it allowed someone to teach another person God’s prophetic word (1 Cor 14:6-9).  Unless your friend was miraculously able to speak another real language that allowed her to teach a real person the gospel – then she will have to realize what she did wasn’t from God.  Then you can begin to teach her that miracles no longer happen (miracles being defined as things that break the natural laws of this world), and they are no longer needed because we have the complete Word of God.  See the posts, “I Dreamed A Dream” and “Three Cheers For Miracles!” for further details on how to explain this concept to your friend.