I am in my fifties, and my parents both have failing health.  They do not appreciate that my husband and I are religious and have made family gatherings miserable over the years because of it.  My siblings say that since we are the "good ones" (financially stable, our children turned out well, we are healthy), we should take over Mom and Dad's care.  I've mentioned to my siblings that our parents probably wouldn't want to live with us.  My brother said that we HAD to take them in because the Bible says to "honor your parents".  Does this burden really fall to my husband and me just because we're the only christians?

 

Sincerely,
Overburdened

Dear Overburdened,

It is an unfortunate reality that many christians are left with responsibilities that others are unwilling to shoulder.  Children have the responsibility of caring for their parents in their old age (1 Tim 5:4).  Certainly that responsibility falls to all of the siblings, but if none of the others will shoulder the burden, you would still be bound to.  There are many trials that christians must endure as they seek to live godly lives, and it sounds like this will be one for you.

Some parents make it a joy to honor them; others weigh down their children with the duty.  Your parents don’t necessarily need to live with you, but you do need to honor them (Eph 6:2).  You will have to decide what is the best way to care for your parents without destroying the stability of your own immediate family.

My question is what happens when the answer you were expecting doesn't come to pass?  I know the heavenly Father is beyond time, but my circumstances and I are not, and time has run out.  I am in danger of losing my job, I won’t be able to attend school this semester...again, and I don't have any money to pay my rent.  I know there are people in far worse situations, but if God would put me in a position to help others, I would.  Why was life designed this way?  Why do we have to go through misery?  If a person makes up his/her mind to serve God and be on the side of righteousness, why should we have to continue to go through the heartache and evil of this world?  Everything has finally come to a head, and, like I said, I am in a state of despair.  I don't know how much longer I can endure this life.  I want to thank you for taking the time to set up a website like this for people who seek answers.  Thank you in advance, sir.

 

Sincerely,
Suffering Servant

Dear Suffering Servant,

If becoming a christian instantly removed all of life’s problems, everyone would obey the gospel for that reason alone.  Solomon said it best, “All this have I seen in my days of vanity: there is a righteous man that perishes in his righteousness, and there is a wicked man that prolongs his life in his evil-doing.”

(Eccl 7:15).  This life doesn’t always favor the godly.  Sometimes, the bad guy does finish first, yet Solomon also said that “it shall be well with them that fear God” (Eccl 8:12) and “it shall not be well with the wicked” (Eccl 8:13).

Many times people suffer for being christians; the apostle Paul said it was mandatory that christians go through trials (Acts 14:22).  In fact, Paul said that we should rejoice in tribulation because trials bring the best out of God’s people, making us stronger; trials strengthen our hope and trust in God (Rom 5:3-5).  Like the sun softens butter and hardens clay, trials soften humble hearts and harden selfish souls.  Christianity is about relinquishing control of our lives and trusting in the Lord (Pr 3:5).  Our hearts go out to you as you suffer through various trials of no small degree – suffering is never pleasant.  Yet, you can know that the Lord will care for His people (Ps 37:25), and there is much to learn from the trials this life brings (Heb 12:11).

When is the proper time to remove your wedding rings after your spouse dies?  I have been a widow for the past four years, and every time I feel that I should remove my rings, I feel like I am being unfaithful to my husband.  We were married for nineteen years before he died of cancer.

 

Sincerely,
Ring-Bearer

Dear Ring-Bearer,

You are not being unfaithful to your deceased husband by taking off your wedding rings.  Your love and adoration for him is impressive, especially in an era when divorce runs rampant.  If only more people took marriage as seriously as you.  Having said that, though your memories of him live on, you are no longer bound by your marriage contract.  When your husband died, you became free to remarry (1 Cor 7:39).  Jesus says that in heaven, we will neither be married nor given in marriage (Matt 22:30).  Your husband has moved on to await the Judgment (Heb 9:27), and you may – with clear conscience – start a new life.  You are not harming him nor are you defiling his memory by moving forward.

What are God's thoughts on cremation?  Not your thoughts, but God's.

 

Sincerely,
Ashes To Ashes

Dear Ashes To Ashes,

This is a question that we are often asked at AYP because it is so important to people that they properly handle their own (and their family’s) final wishes in a godly fashion.  Cremation is perfectly Biblical. Your body is a tent that is discarded at death (2 Cor 5:1-4).  At death, we leave this ‘tent’ of a body behind (2 Pet 1:14,) and your body will decay and return to dust (Gen 3:19).

We have at least one account of cremation occurring in the Old Testament.  Saul and his sons were cremated after they died in battle (1 Sam 31:12). The men that cremated Saul and his sons were later commended by David for their behavior (2 Sam 2:5). That same verse in 2 Samuel shows that David considered cremation a form of burial.

The Bible does not seem to place much focus on how someone is buried. God’s emphasis is upon how we live (Gal 2:20), not what is done with our body after we die.

I recently did a very strange thing; I lied to my family in order to go to a preacher's house with the rest of the congregation for an evening of fellowship and Bible study.  I felt that lying to my family (in this particular instance) was reasonable and acceptable because I was doing it to keep from hurting their feelings.  The situation, as I'm sure you can imagine, is much more complicated than I'm admitting now, but although my family is supportive of me learning about the Bible, they would (strongly) prefer I do so in my own denomination.  Was it a sin to lie to my parents in this capacity?

 

Sincerely,
Parental Pressure

Dear Parental Pressure,

The short answer is: yes.  It is a sin to lie to your parents.  Lying is always wrong (Col 3:9), and the heart of living by the Bible functions around the idea that our ethics are not dictated by the situation but by God’s unchanging word.  Lying is a creation of the devil (Jhn 8:44), and if we seek to worship God, we must do so in spirit and in truth (Jhn 4:24).

Having said that, we certainly can commiserate with you in the pressure that you have on you from outside sources.  Familial pressure is something that everyone faces from time to time.  Jesus made it clear that He would set families against each other (Lk 12:51-53).  If you follow the Bible, it will always set you at odds with certain people, even your own family.

God hates lying (Pr 6:16-17), but you don’t have to tell everyone everything about your life.  Even Jesus ignored his brothers’ request to know His comings and goings on occasion (Jhn 7:8-10).  Jesus never lied (Tit 1:2, Heb 4:15), but He did make it clear to His brothers that what He did or didn’t do was none of their business.

If you are lying to your parents to avoid telling them the truth about your devotion to Christ, then you need to make your stance clear (Matt 10:32), but if you are simply trying to study God’s Word to find the truth for yourself (and you believe the truth may very well exist outside of your family’s current religion) but simply don’t want artificial pressure on you while you do so… don’t feel obligated to tell your every move to others as you study to find the truth.