I have gay parents.  NO, I don't agree with it, but that’s not the point.

Both of them have recently gotten physically abusive.

I want to talk to someone about it, but I feel God is telling me to stay at my mom’s and not move to my dads.  The reason is that I have a better chance in college if I were to stay at my mom’s.

And even if I were to move to my dad’s, I would have to say goodbye to everything I know and love.

What should I do; how should I handle this situation?

Sincerely,
No Easy Choice

Dear No Easy Choice,

Choose what’s right, and the future will care for itself.  If we understand you correctly, the physically abusive parents are at your mother’s home.  Your father’s home does not have abuse and does not have the immorality issues.  So you have two choices:

1. Stay in an immoral home where you have to worry about your mental, emotionally, spiritual, AND physical safety because you believe that you might be able to go to college if you stay.
2. Move to an overall safer and more moral environment that would force you to leave your friends, neighborhood, comfort zone, etc.

The key is to never make decisions based off of the consequences.  Make decisions based off of what is right.  Bad company corrupts good morals (1 Cor 15:33).  You current situation is bad company.  If you stay, it will destroy you.  You do not know what moving will bring, but you know that staying will bring only corruption.  Trust the Lord and His Word to guide your life.  You can never know what is the best choice.  He does.  Have faith, and He will bless you in your new life.  Let the Lord be your hope and shield (Ps 119:114-116).

My wife and I raised two wonderful God-fearing children who both married christian spouses.  My son, after several years of marriage and three small children, began to "cheat" on his wife and lie to us.  She divorced him on grounds of adultery and the church withdrew fellowship as he was unrepentant.  This was very painful for his mother and me to endure, especially as our unbelieving families could not understand the church’s (and our) take on discipline of the ungodly.  My son now wants to "normalize" relations with me as his father (which I desire as well), but continues to live in sin and proclaim his hatred for Christianity.  I have seen many christian parents ignore the instruction to withdraw from the ungodly when it is their adult-child being disciplined.  My son does not want me to compromise my faith, but wants me to accept his lifestyle and renew our father-son relationship.  What should I do?

 

Sincerely,
Hurting Father

Dear Hurting Father,

It appears that you have answered your own question at the end of your letter. We will point that out later, but first we will give some Bible teachings that might help you make the right decision.  Your letter explains a very difficult dilemma that some Christians have to face because we are commanded to “withdraw from” (2 Thess 3:6, 1 Cor 5:1-13) and “have no company with” an ungodly christian.  We are to do this for the sinner’s own good, hoping it will bring shame on them and they will repent (2 Thess 3:14). This, then, is really a loving thing to do even though it is a hurtful and sorrowful act for all people involved.  As we look at the other side of the coin, we have teachings concerning family relationships that do not apply when you deal with a non-family member.  We are to care for our own family (1 Tim 5:8).  Children are to honor their parents (Eph 6:2, Matt 15:4).  These are relevant passages when a parent is dealing with a young, ungodly child.  However, the passages do not seem to apply to you since you are the parent and since your son is no longer dependent on your care.

Now, back to your own comments. Here are some things we notice in your personal analysis of the problem that we think are significant.  You say your son is not interested in repentance but continues to live in sin and proclaim his hatred for Christianity.  You said he only wants to "normalize" relations with you as his father.  In other words, there is no sorrow or repentance involved – which is the very purpose of any “withdrawal” action.

You also expressed your true feelings when you said, “I have seen many Christian parents ignore instruction to withdraw from the ungodly when it is their adult-child being disciplined.”  Your statement shows that you believe you did what was right; therefore it would involve a conscience problem if you decide to do exactly the opposite (Rom. 14:22-23).  If you violate your conscience, you know that you are sinning.  Your last sentence is also very revealing and shows there will be a conscience problem.  You said, “My son does not want me to compromise my faith but wants me to accept his lifestyle.”  First, this is an impossibility, and second, it shows that you would be compromising your faith if you did so.

This is a painful situation, and we here at AYP express our sympathy for you and pray that you will make the right decision as you consider the Scriptures and your conscience on this matter.

I am in a debate with my girlfriend about whether or not it is okay if we live together before we are married.  From a biblical standpoint, what is your take on that situation?  Am I in the wrong for wanting to before we are married?  I am curious for your interpretation and advice on it from a biblical standpoint.

 

Thanks.

Sincerely,
First Or Last Month’s Rent

First Or Last Month’s Rent,

We receive this question almost every day, and it would be very easy for us to refer you to previous posts like "Living Together" and call it good, but we here at AYP believe that this question is posed so often because of a deeper problem than people just not knowing what to do about sex, marriage, and living arrangements.

The reason people don’t get married – but instead (outside of marriage) have sex, live together, have children together, and eventually destroy their lives – is because we spend our lives making up the rules as we go.  We live our lives by the “what-makes-me-feel-good-right-now” philosophy.  We have no real standard to live by other than what we feel at the moment.  Like Pilate, we ask, “What is truth?” (Jhn 18:38) because we don’t know where to find the right answers to life.  How can we know what is the right thing to do?  Only the Creator can give us a rulebook for life that allows us to comfortably say, “I’m making the right choice.”  Jesus is the truth, the way, and the life (Jhn 14:6).  All the answers to life are found in His Scriptures (2 Pet 1:3).  If we want our relationships, our families, our careers, and our lives to work, we have to use the manual.  Ask for the Bible and nothing else.  We here at AYP would be happy to help you begin that journey by showing you what God has to say about getting your life right with Him.  E-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org.  And if you didn’t see it coming, getting your life right with Christ will involve not living together before you are married.

Sometimes I feel like asking for forgiveness is too easy.  When I think about all the sins I commit in a week, I feel awful and can't comprehend that if I just ask for them to be forgiven, they will be, and then I'm stuck with this feeling that I'm not really forgiven.  I do truly feel sorry for what I've done, but is it supposed to be this easy?

 

Sincerely,
Apology Accepted?

Dear Apology Accepted?,

Trusting in the Lord is hardest when He offers something more spectacular than we deserve.  Heaven is hard to visualize because it is so wonderful, and forgiveness is hard to appreciate because it is so gracious.  You must remember that God provides forgiveness as a gift (Rom 6:23); it has nothing to do with whether you deserve it.  God tells us that He is eager to forgive us (Ps 86:5).  Forgiveness is His gift to give, and He may give it as freely as He wishes.

God’s forgiveness can be compared to the forgiveness a parent offers their children (after all He is called our Father for a reason – Matt 5:45).  How often do young children make mistakes as they learn and grow?  No matter how often a child fails, parents are quick to forgive them as soon as they show sorrow.  God is no different (1 Jn 1:9).  Your Father loves you so much that He gave His very own Son (Jhn 3:16).  Sometimes God’s forgiveness seems too easy because God loves us with such ease.

About two years ago, life started to get bad.  I was told to read Job.  I was devoted to God, thought He was real, but this, to me, is cruel.  I never thought the God of the Bible could hurt one of His own.  If what I am going through is a Job thing… why?  Why do we humans have to go through such bad things?

 

Sincerely,
Horribly Hurting

Dear Horribly Hurting,

The book of Job does answer your question, but you have to understand the point of the book to get the lesson.  God never hurt Job; the devil did (Job 2:7).  Job suffered because the devil accused God of protecting Job too much.  He accused Job of serving God, not out of love, but out of a desire for blessings (Job 1:9-11).  The devil was wrong, though; Job didn’t renounce God even when he was suffering (Job 1:22).  Job’s life testifies that serving God is about more than just being blessed; it is about love.

When christians remain faithful to God throughout immense trials, they prove to the world that Christianity is not a club or a Sunday activity – being a christian is a way of life.  When people take up their crosses and follow Christ, the world sees that we are serious (Matt 16:24).  When we suffer for doing right, we have nothing to be ashamed of; we are glorifying God (1 Pet 4:15).  It is through many trials that we enter God’s kingdom (Acts 14:22).  We here at AYP don’t know exactly what it is that you are suffering through, but if you suffer as a christian, know that you are not suffering in vain (1 Pet 3:17-18).  In this life, you may get bad things – but no matter what, in the next life, you shall be comforted (Lk 16:25).