I long to have children, and I feel like it is my call in life to be a mother, but my husband does not want kids.  He is very adamant about not having children, EVER!  This is not what we had planned and certainly not something that I agree with.  How lonely would it be when we are older and our families are gone and we have no kids of our own to visit with and talk to.  What do I do?  I have tried prayer and talking to him.  I don't know if I can deal with never having children.  Any advice?

Sincerely,
Baby Mama

Dear Baby Mama,

The longing of the female soul for children is as old as the world.  Ever since Eve became the mother of all living, women have wanted children (Gen 3:20).  Leah used children as the benchmark of whether she was a successful wife (Gen 29:32).  God also says that he opened Leah’s womb as a comfort and blessing to her (Gen 29:31).

Rachel was bereaved that she could not have children, and she, like you, fought with her husband over that issue (Gen 30:2).  Women unable to have children (for whatever reason) are very often vexed by a deep emotional burden.  In fact, childbearing is so entrenched in the psyche and feminine culture that women sometimes measure one another by their children; Peninnah often provoked Hannah because she had no children (1 Sam 1:6).

In fact, Hannah is an excellent example of how to deal with the sorrow of not having children.  Hannah never stopped loving her husband and maintaining a godly relationship with him (1 Sam 1:4-5).  Elkanah, her husband, didn’t understand why children were so important to Hannah, and it is likely your husband doesn’t either (1 Sam 1:7-8).  Hannah prayed constantly for God to find a way for her to have children; she prayed in her sorrow, and she prayed in hope (1 Sam 1:10).

Trust in the Lord, be a godly wife, continue to pray, and study the Scriptures with your husband on this topic, but ultimately you must learn to be content in whatever state you are in (Php 4:11).  May the Lord bless you in your difficult struggle.

Two of my children left home to live with their father that has not been in their lives all their lives (my son is seventeen and daughter thirteen).  They feel like I have to many rules, and he has none.  Their father is not saved and does not go to church.  I know this will be a big mistake.  I want my children home, but like God, I want to choose the right thing.  What do I need to study and pray about to have them to see the light and come home before it is too late, or should I just let it be?  Help!

Sincerely,
The Unpopular Parent

Dear The Unpopular Parent,

Of course you want your children home, but forcing them to come home won’t work either.  Hammering them with Bible verses probably isn’t going to be your best option.  Since they have the option of choosing where they live, and since they are old enough to make the decision on their own… their lives are in their own hands to a certain degree.  You have been a light in their life (Php 2:15), and you have tried to train them up in a way that is pleasing to God (Pr 22:6).  Now they will have to decide who they want to become.

At some point, everyone has to work out their own salvation (Php 2:12).  Your children, for better or worse, are now entering that stage of life.  Continue to be a loving, godly example to them and let your influence work.  Your children are already greatly blessed with an advantage because their mother is a christian (Pr 20:7).  You have done your best to provide them with the tools to succeed, and now it is their turn to ask and seek for themselves (Matt 7:7).

Continue to pray (1 Thess 5:7), continue to teach them when possible (Deu 11:19), and then be still and know that the future is in the Lord’s hands (Ps 46:10).

How do you handle a spouse who finds it easier to demonize you rather than to turn to GOD, keep His commandments, and serve GOD?

Sincerely,
NO Longer Disrespected

Dear NO Longer Disrespected,

Christianity isn’t about handling others; it is about handling ourselves.  We cannot control the behavior of others; we can only control ourselves.  In a marriage, each spouse has a separate command.

If you are the husband, your command is to “love your wife” (Eph 5:28).  A husband is to love his wife as his own body regardless of whether she is being respectful and kind.  A husband’s love is not dependent upon a wife’s respect.  Biblical love (best described in 1 Cor 13:4-8) is a choice, not a feeling.  A loving husband chooses to do that which is in the best interest of his wife.  He is to seek to love his wife as Christ does the church (Eph 5:25).  A husband’s love is sacrificial; it is a gift he chooses to give unconditionally.

A wife is to respect her husband (Eph 5:24).  She shows him respect even if he doesn’t deserve that respect.  She chooses to let him lead the household regardless of whether he is good at it.  As long as his decisions do not force her to disobey God (Acts 5:29), she follows him.  She treats him as a man and honors him as head of the household even when he acts petty and small.  Her respect is unconditional.

Each spouse has their own job.  You cannot force the other spouse to behave one way or another, but you can gain them by your behavior (1 Pet 3:1).  We waste our energy when we try and control the actions of others.  You can only have success when you begin to mold your own soul.

I am having a baby, but I am not married to her father.  My father said that this will be his child, not ours, if we don't get married.  He's a christian.  But is this in the Bible somewhere?!  If not, what can I say to him?

Sincerely,
Mad Mama

Dear Mad Mama,

There is a great deal involved in your situation, but you have only asked us to handle one piece of your difficult puzzle.  For the sake of clarity, we will only deal with the specific question of whether or not the baby belongs to you or your parent.

The baby does belong to both you and its father.  If for no other reason then the laws of the land stipulate that the biological parents, unless deemed legally unfit, have rightful guardianship over the child.  The Bible says to obey the laws of the land (1 Pet 2:13).  There is no Scripture that would provide a grandparent with the authority to take a child from the parent.  Having said that, there are quite likely some extraneous details that are involved in your situation that you are not making us aware of.  Anytime children are born outside of marriage there are thousands of issues involved because of the traumatic circumstances surrounding that child’s birth.  The Bible issue is clear; it is your baby… and your responsibility to do whatever is necessary to give that child a godly rearing (Pr 22:6).

I am a christian and so is my boyfriend of seventeen months, and the question I have is: when you’re in a relationship, do you have relationships with the opposite sex?  I say absolutely not, but my boyfriend feels there is nothing wrong with talking to a girl on the phone.  Why would one want to or have the need to speak to the opposite sex on the phone?  I am baffled by this; am I being a bad christian by not allowing this?  It appears that I don’t trust him, but I feel that talking on the phone with a friend could turn into more if allowed.  Your thoughts on this…

Sincerely,
On The Other Line

Dear On The Other Line,

If you are so concerned that a phone conversation will result in your boyfriend leaving you, you’ve got bigger problems than the phone.  The Bible points out that we will always have interactions with people of the opposite gender.  The key is to make sure those interactions are done in a way that is holy and blameless.  Paul told Timothy (who as a preacher would have had many interactions with women he was not married to) to treat “older women as mothers and younger women as sisters, with all purity” (1 Tim 5:2).

Christians should interact with all people, male and female, in a way that is above reproach (1 Tim 6:14).  Living above reproach means that you are careful to act in a way that shows integrity and avoids all appearances of evil (1 Thess 5:22).  We must always be careful to act with propriety towards the opposite gender as we interact with those in the world and our brothers and sisters in Christ.