I feel I have lost faith in humanity.  Now, at the age of twenty-three, after going through some extremely challenging times and feeling deeply wounded, I find myself not developing relationships with others.  However, I have a strong relationship with God and have strong spiritual conviction.

In my past, I have never been able to trust men, and I fear returning to church because I know it’s set up in a patriarchal structure.  I feel like if I go back to the church, then I will have to be inferior to men and God, and I cannot accept that fate as I am a strong, loving woman and feel that gender should have no role in my relationship with God.  How can I restore my faith in humanity when I have suffered and endured so much and am continuously disappointed by the acts of others?

Sincerely,
Jaded

Dear Jaded,

Before you give up on mankind, remember something – God hasn’t given up on us.  Until God destroys this world with fiery judgment at the Second Coming, there is hope for people (2 Pet 3:7-9).  Even though many people are ungodly and uncaring (after all, the gate to destruction is wide – Matt 7:13), not everyone is that way.

Any religious groups that treat women as inferior aren’t reading their Bibles.  The Bible clearly states that women are equal heirs of life with men (1 Pet 3:7).  Men and women are different, but different doesn’t mean one is better than the other.  The Bible is the only great religious document to treat women with such esteem.  Two books of the Bible are named after women (Ruth and Esther).  An entire chapter of Proverbs is dedicated to the worth and wonder of godly women (Proverbs 31).  While the Koran, Dharma, and Veda all treat women as inferior… the Bible protects your rights and esteems your value.

It is impossible to serve God and not interact with people.  People are what Christ came to this earth for (Matt 28:18-20).  Christians are warned against forsaking the church and failing to gain and offer the encouragement that can be found in church services (Heb 10:24-25).  Christianity isn’t meant to be pursued alone… God put us on this earth together.  We can help you find a faithful church in your area.  We admit that many churches aren’t faithful and aren’t trustworthy, but just because false teachers have let you down, that doesn’t mean you stop looking.  Searching for a Bible-fearing congregation is part of what hungering and thirsting for righteousness is all about (Matt 5:6).  Maybe, just maybe, all your struggles have been leading up to this moment when you could find us, and we could help you find people who love the Lord as much as you do.  You never know until you try.  Our e-mail is askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org, and we are happy to help.

I was just curious.  What exactly does the Bible mean when it speaks of confessing our sins to one another?  When is it proper to confess to one another the sins we have committed?  When is it improper or excessive (if it can be so)?  When is it that this needs to be done?

Sincerely,
Confessionally Concerned

Dear Confessionally Concerned,

We must confess all of our sins to God (1 John 1:9) and be prepared to get help with our faults from other christians (Jas 5:16). When James talks about confessing sins to each other, he is talking in the context of prayer. His point is that when someone prays for you as you struggle with sin, that prayer will make an immense difference. He is not stating that you have to announce every single sin you have ever committed to each and every christian you meet.

There are definitely times to tell another person about your sin.

1. If you have sinned against them, you must admit it and ask for forgiveness (Lk 17:3-4).
2. If you believe the knowledge of your previous sin will help them (1 Tim 1:15-16).
3. If you are struggling with a sin and need help (Jas 5:16, Eccl 4:9).
4. If it would be deceptive to not reveal the sin (1 Jhn 1:8).

All of those situations constitute an appropriate time to confess your sins to another person. God doesn’t call us to parade our past sins before all we meet, but there is a time to own up to our faults before both man and God.

My fiancée looks at porn, and I tell him that it's wrong in the Lord's eyes.  When I say that, he thinks I'm getting weird on him and says that it's not like he can ever meet these girls.  How can I tell him that it's still wrong?

Sincerely,
Appalled

Dear Appalled,

Your fiancée has a major problem with sexual sin.  God tells us to flee fornication (1 Cor 6:18) and that it is wrong for a man to lust after a woman (Matt 5:28).  His major sexual problem will very quickly become your major problem if you marry him while he still holds these views.  We cannot stress enough that you should think very carefully about marrying someone who will not cherish you as his one and only (Eph 5:33, 1 Cor 7:2).

Will God forgive adultery because I have committed adultery (and I am really ashamed, and I don't know what to do)?

Sincerely,
Ashamed

Dear Ashamed,

Yes, you can be forgiven, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences for your actions.  Paul said that he was chief amongst sinners, and yet, Christ forgave him (1 Tim 1:15-16).  Forgiveness is available when we confess our sins to Christ (1 Jn 1:9) and repent of them (Acts 3:19).  ‘Repentance’ means to ‘change your mind’… literally to make a change in how you think and act.  If you haven’t already stopped the adulterous relationship, you need to – now.  You also need to come clean about it; honesty and truth are a foundational concept in Christianity (Jhn 8:32).  Deception destroys; open truth illuminates (Jhn 3:19-20).  You have dug a big hole for yourself and your marriage… it is time to get to work filling that hole back in.

Of course, all of this is moot if you aren’t a christian yet.  To see what the Bible says it takes to become a christian, read “What Must I Do To Be Saved?”.  It is obvious you want God’s forgiveness, and the Bible is the only book that can tell you how to get it.

My husband and I have been together now for five years.  He has always believed that he makes all the decisions for the household, and it is that way because he is the man.  He believes that even if I disagree with a decision that he is making, my job is to support him (even if it against what Christ intends) and be good with it.  I want to be the woman that God created me to be, but I have a real hard time keeping my mouth shut when he makes really dumb decisions about things that I know are going to mean disaster for not only our marriage, but for our children, too.  Even when I make a stand and say to him that what he is doing is a bad idea for the family and is wrong in Christ's eyes, he gets mad and tells me to shut up and that I should just stand beside him no matter what.  What Scriptures can I look up to find the strength to keep quiet and be good with his decisions no matter what?

Sincerely,
Frustrated And Struggling

Dear Frustrated And Struggling,

You should always obey Christ before your husband.  Every thought and behavior should be mastered and made to obey Christ (2 Cor 10:5).  If your husband desires for you to do something that is wrong… you have every right to stand up to him and say, “No.”  Christ knew that the gospel would be divisive at times (Matt 10:34-36).  Ultimately, we must choose Christ above all others (Matt 10:37).

You are right to obey your husband (1 Pet 3:1), but he is also bound to show you love and gentleness (1 Pet 3:7).  A godly marriage is built upon both spouses choosing to serve the Lord first – and then each other.  Show strength to yield when the issue isn’t a moral one, but show strength to stand firm when it is a matter of Bible truth.