I am married, and my husband and I fight so much that we don’t have any feelings for each other any more.  He doesn't believe in God, and we have a child together; our relationship is nothing but mental abuse, and I know it’s not healthy for any of us to be in this situation, and there is another man that’s in my life, and I feel that we could be happy together.  I'm only twenty, and I know that life’s too short to live this way, and I want my son to treat women better than what my husband does, and I know if I stay with him, my son won’t have a chance.  I don’t’ know what to do.  Please help!

Sincerely,
Wife In Despair

Dear Wife In Despair,

You have some biblical options, but getting involved in an adulterous relationship isn’t one of them!  If you want to be pleasing to God and protect your soul, you must cut off the beginnings of this illicit relationship.  There are ways to make life better for your son, but this isn’t one of them.

Scripturally, there are several things you can do.  You can separate from your husband (1 Cor 7:10-11).  You can also (and should) get counseling with or without your husband (Pr 11:14).  The only scriptural reason for divorce is adultery (Matt 19:9), and from what you have stated, that hasn’t happened.

If you are really concerned for your son’s well-being, then simply separate from your husband with a desire to reconcile if possible.  Your son’s well-being isn’t dependent upon you dating other men… in fact, he will benefit from knowing that you aren’t giving up on his dad – but simply trying to do what is best.

Why are some people who go to church stuck up?  They think they are better than everyone.

Sincerely,
Sick Of Being Looked Down On

Dear Sick Of Being Looked Down On,

You might as well ask why some people who go to work are stuck up, or some people who go to school are stuck up, or the park, or the zoo, etc.  In short, there are always going to be arrogant people in every area of life.  Arrogant people are not exclusive to religion, nor should we allow those few who make bad decisions to vilify the whole.

Just because you’ve been to a bad mechanic doesn’t mean you stop driving cars.  Just because you’ve had bad experiences with religious people doesn’t mean you should stop trying to find the truth (Matt 7:7-9).  There are congregations full of faithful, humble, Bible-loving people.  We are sorry for your frustration and the negative experiences you have had.  We would be happy to point you in the direction of a faithful congregation in your area that really does emulate the humility found in God’s Word.  If you would like help finding a faithful church in your area (not all churches are faithful), e-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org.

My question regards generational curses.  My mother and father recently divorced.  I have now learned that my mother continues to have relationships with married men.  I somehow feel like her choices in her life will somehow curse me in relationships.  I have recently broken up with a man I thought I would have a future with.  Is this just the enemy trying to defeat me?  Thanks!

Sincerely,
Distressed Daughter

Dear Distressed Daughter,

Children pay for the choices their parents make… but not in the way you are concerned about.  People pay for the sins of those who have gone before.  If your father was an axe murderer, it would affect you, your children, maybe even your grandchildren (Ex 34:7)… but eventually he would be forgotten, and the consequences of his behavior would dissipate.  That is what the generational curse is – that children must live with the repercussions of their parents’ choices.  You are dealing with that right now.

Divorce affects children in horrific and lasting ways.  One of the repercussions is that you begin to doubt whether or not you are capable of having a lasting and faithful marriage.  The doubt and fear you have is a pain you endure because of your mother’s choices… but you don’t have to recreate home.  Every person has the God-given gift of free will (Matt 7:13-14).  God wants every marriage to be happy, faithful, and for a lifetime (Eph 5:31-33).  In spite of your parents’ choices, you can choose a godly spouse and live a godly marriage.  Your parents’ decisions cannot deny you the right to live faithfully and have a fully successful future.  In fact, make it a point to be the person who changes your family tree.

Is it wrong for someone to order a mail-order bride from Russia?

Sincerely,
Groomsman

Dear Groomsman,

There is nothing sinful with an arranged marriage… but we would seriously caution against the lack of wisdom involved in marrying someone without knowing their values.  Marriage is a lifetime commitment (1 Cor 7:39).  Granted, we have very little experience with mail-order nuptials, but it is our suspicion that such arrangements rarely are built upon the foundation of faith in Christ.  Will your bride be a christian?  Will she take your vows as seriously as you must?  What are your motives behind an arranged marriage?  What are hers?  All of these are questions that you should ask yourself.  Marriage is one of the first things God ever ordained (Gen 2:24)… and aside from becoming a christian is the most important decision you will ever make.  It isn’t to be taken lightly.

Recently, given all the major events that have been happening here in the U.S., I have gotten a sense that hate and intolerance are swirling up around all of us and that a lot of us who are christians are not seeing it.  I know what the Bible says about some of these issues, but the way that some of these issues are handled just makes me very sad, and I wonder if God would agree with how they are handled.  I hope I'm making sense; I'm just very, very conflicted and frankly becoming very disillusioned with the speed in which this hate is building.  I feel that just because a person is of a different orientation, a foreigner, or has different religious views, it doesn't give us the right to treat them like they are not humans.  Like I said, I know what the Bible says about these matters, but I guess my question is: does it make me a bad person to be a christian and feel opposed to wanting to condemn these people?

Sincerely,
Peace Pusher

Dear Peace Pusher,

The idea of religious tolerance is a new age concept, not a biblical one.  Jesus had zero tolerance for false religion (Matt 23:15).  Jesus taught that there is only one way to heaven – Him (Jhn 14:6).  Those who don’t serve God already stand condemned by the Scriptures (Jhn 3:18).

Christians should always be careful with the language and attitude they take towards others (1 Pet 2:12).  Christians should never be mean or evil with their speech.  Our words should always be seasoned with grace (Col 4:6).  However, being kind doesn’t mean tolerating false religion, homosexuality, abortion, etc.  It is possible to avoid hate and also draw a line in the sand… Jesus did.