I have a deep sense of guilt every time I masturbate. I'm seventeen-years-old, and sometimes I just have the immense urge to masturbate.  I know it's bad under God's eyes, but I still seem to do it.  I feel extremely guilty afterwards because I know God is mad at me.  I ask for forgiveness, but I somehow feel God is mad at me.  Will He forgive me?  The temptation is strong... can you help me?

 

Sincerely,
Youthful Temptation

Dear Youthful Temptation,

We receive a great many questions regarding this subject, and after much thought, we have decided to give a rather lengthy answer to this question, hoping that it will not be necessary to deal with it continually in the future.  We here at AYP do not wish to fixate upon a private and sensitive topic week after week, but we understand that the issue of masturbation is a very real struggle for most young men, and it deserves a Bible answer.

Your question makes the assumption that masturbation is always sinful.  The truth is that the Bible never specifically addresses the topic.  When we search for a Bible answer, we must conclude that God has not spoken one word on this subject.  Having said that, we realize there are many religious teachings in the world today claiming it is either right or wrong.  Catholic doctrine teaches it is a sin one hundred percent of the time, but that is a man-made teaching – not something directly understood from the Bible.  On the other hand, many liberal religious groups teach that masturbation is a perfectly normal thing that should be practiced without any reservation.  Neither teaching is accurate.  We need to look at what the Bible says concerning the topic and accept its teachings and nothing else.  There are some other things (such as lust and guilt) that are closely related to this subject, so we will address them because there are specific Bible teachings on those subjects.

1. Lust is sinful.  Anything that involves lusting after a woman (that is not your spouse) is not allowed (Matt 5:28).  ‘Lust’ means to ‘look upon with strong passion or desire’.  Any action that involves a strong sexual desire for a specific person that is not your spouse is sinful.
2. Many, many God-fearing people have a sense of extreme guilt after the act of self-relief.  When someone’s conscience is upset, that is always sinful because it shows you are doing something you believe is wrong.  If we cannot do something in faith, then it is sin (Rom 14:23).  In essence, if you think it is wrong, then it is wrong… at least for you.  If you do what you believe is right, you will not have a guilty feeling in anything you do.  If you do not do what you believe is right, then you will always have a guilty feeling.  This holds true of everything in life.  This is why it is so important that we examine the Scriptures and be fully assured that what we are doing is right with God.  That means we must always study what God has said (not man) on every subject.
3. Pornography is often closely associated with masturbation and should always be avoided.  Pornography is sinful because it is designed around lusting after specific women (see point #1).  Pornography is also a highly addictive sin.  Many young lives have been horribly destroyed because of sexual addiction to pornographic images.  We cannot overstate the dangers of this type of addiction.  Thus, pornography must be avoided at all costs.
4. When young people are in that stage between childhood and marriage, there is a constant pull and temptation from the sexual realm.  There is no easy way around the desires created by the physiological reaction of a young man's body.  God understands that a young person’s body burns in passion (1 Cor 7:9).  It is said that in today’s culture and society, a young man is bombarded with things to stimulate him on an average of every ten seconds.  This is not an excuse, nor should it be used as an excuse, for immoral behavior – but it is a reality that every young man has to cope with.
5. Marriage is God’s vessel for the relief of sexual desires (1 Cor 7:1-5).  God understands the devil uses the sexual realm to tempt us away from a faithful life, and God created marriage as the solution to that temptation.  That is the long-term answer to this issue.  The problem we are dealing with is what someone should do to act faithfully through the short-term period of time between childhood and marriage.

This issue is not an easy one and there are no clear-cut answers.  The Bible provides many principles that surround this subject, and we have tried to outline them here… but ultimately, each person must faithfully consider these principles and behave themselves in a way that they believe is adhering to the teachings God lays out in His Scriptures.  We shouldn’t allow man-made religious laws to control our lives, whether they are overly conservative or overly liberal.

I'm having a hard time forgiving myself for a wrong choice I made.  What do I need to do?  I have asked God to forgive me, but I feel so guilty and unclean.

 

Sincerely,
Internal Struggle

Dear Internal Struggle,

Christians constantly struggle with forgiving themselves for sins even after God has already forgiven them (1 Jn 1:9).  Godly people are known for their sense of integrity and personal responsibility.  Like David, christians accept the blame for their sins and don’t shirk from taking the blame (2 Sam 12:13).  This can be a double-edged sword though.  It is a positive thing when we honestly examine ourselves and see our faults without excuse (1 Cor 11:27-31).  But there is a negative side to personal responsibility… “hyper-guilt”.

When christians carry guilt for their sins long after God has forgiven them, they inhibit themselves from rejoicing.  Christians should rejoice that they are saved from their sins (Php 4:4).  It is hard for us to comprehend, but when God forgives us, He no longer remembers our sins (Heb 8:12).  Let go of your guilt, not because you weren’t wrong, but because it is to the glory of God that you let go and rejoice (1 Jn 2:12).  When we rejoice and accept God’s forgiveness and the comfort it brings, we bring glory to His name and honor Him for the gift that He has given us.

Where does it say that drugs are bad?  God made all the plants, right?

 

Sincerely,
Weed-eater

Dear Weed-eater,

Plants (and drugs made from plants) are wonderful things if used as God intended – medicinally.  Anything that removes the clarity of someone’s mind or makes them drunk is sinful if used recreationally (1 Cor 5:11).  Christians are to be sober-minded, so that we can properly learn, grow, and serve the Lord (1 Thess 5:6).  The devil loves an addled brain, and the moment we stop thinking clearly, he is ready to pounce (1 Pet 5:8).  Furthermore, the body is a temple and should be treated as God intended – not destroyed with drugs (1 Cor 6:19).  Drugs destroy your body and mind.  You were bought with a price; glorify God in your body (1 Cor 6:20).

I understand the Bible stands opposed to abortion.  However, does that same stance apply to egg or sperm donation or receiving a donation of that sort?  Adoption is always an answer to infertility, but could this be one as well, or it is changing God's natural order too much?

 

Sincerely,
In-Vitro Inquirer

Dear In-Vitro Inquirer,

The sanctity of life must be observed at all times because all new life is made after the image of God (Gen. 1:26).  It is not the in-vitro fertilization that is wrong.  The wrong is in any purpose of man that does not treat a new life as a person in God’s own image.  Technology is constantly changing, and technological advances are not inherently bad… as long as they are used in a way that respects God’s laws.  God gave mankind dominion over the world to subdue it and use it in whatever way we see fit (Gen 1:28).  Automobiles, computers, cell phones, the internet, nuclear power, etc. are all wonderful things if used in a godly way… and potentially horrible things if used immorally.  Medical advances are no different.

A husband and wife seeking infertility treatment so that they may bear children is a perfectly appropriate use of the technological advancement that we now have.  Where we see things going wrong is when fertility treatments, in-vitro fertilization, “test tube babies”, etc. are used to further things like homosexual couples having children, organ farming (where they grow babies to dissect them for stem cells or body parts), cloning/human testing, and other malicious and immoral behavior.  Oftentimes, clinics will fertilize multiple eggs and then destroy the ones that are not used – this is no different than abortion.  Ultimately, artificial fertilization procedures must be undertaken with extreme caution and regard for the lives that will be created.  These lives are children and deserve the future, homes, parents, and opportunities that God intended for all children to have.

Medical science has gotten itself into a lot of trouble because mankind does not value human life the way God does.  Every child – even as early as the moment of fertilization – should be treated with the utmost care and devotion.  Children are to be cherished.  Technology does not cause sin; sin is caused when people use technology in an immoral way.

I am twenty-years-old and have been trying to live a christian life for three years now.  It just seems like I can never get it right.  When I get rid of one ungodly habit, another rears its head.  I realize I have so many that I can't even find the strength to tackle them.  I have prayed and committed these things to Christ, and I know He's gonna come through.  My question is: how do I deal with constantly disappointing God?  I feel like I embarrass the kingdom whenever I behave a certain way (very argumentative, keeping malice, fornicating), and I hate that I hurt the God that came through for me when I was down in the pit.  Please pray for me as well. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Missing The Mark

Dear Missing The Mark,

Your struggle is the struggle of every christian.  As we seek to live godly lives, we are constantly confronted with our inadequacies.  It is a good thing that you are honest with yourself and with God about your faults; if you weren’t, you would deceive yourself, and the truth would not be in you (1 Jhn 1:8).  On the other hand, if we confess our sins, He is faithful and willing to forgive us (1 Jhn 1:9).

Ironically, only honestly imperfect people will be saved.  If you told us that you had stopped failing and no longer sinned, then you would be a liar, and God’s Word would have no place in your life (1 Jhn 1:10).

Christianity is not about being perfect – but about not giving up attempting to be perfect.  A faithful person is one that hears, learns, and attempts to apply God’s Word (Rom 10:17).  You will constantly fail in that struggle, but godly people pick themselves back up again and keep trying (Pr 24:16).  In essence, the victory of Christianity exists in never saying, “I quit!” or permanently returning to an ungodly life.  Continue to give your one hundred percent to repenting of the sin in your life – but understand that as long as you keep fighting – God keeps forgiving.