What is the role of elders?  Can women be elders?  Why or why not?

Sincerely,
Quality Control

Dear Quality Control,

Elders are the superintendents of a local congregation, and they are always men.The word elder is one title to describe the leaders of a local church. Other titles include 'overseer/bishop' (depending on translation – 1 Tim 3:1) and 'pastor' (Eph 4:11). The title of the job explains their role. They have the oversight of God’s people. That oversight only extends to one congregation (1 Pet 5:2), the local congregation that they are among. Each congregation has elders appointed in it (Acts 14:23).

Elders must meet strict requirements before they are appointed. Those qualifications can be found in 1 Tim 3:1-7 and Titus 1:5-9. Elders are always referred to by the pronouns 'he' and 'him' – thus making them men. Also, one of the qualifications is that they be 'a husband of one wife' (Titus 1:6) which makes it pretty clear we are talking about men. Elders also never serve alone.  All the churches in the Bible had multiple elders. Elders serve an important role of protecting, leading, and guiding the direction of a congregation. They will give an account for every christian in their congregation (Heb 13:17). A congregation should never take lightly the responsibility of appointing only completely qualified elders.

Will God forgive you if you use His name as a swear word?

Sincerely,
Watching My Tongue

Dear Watching My Tongue,

God is ready and willing to forgive us (Ps 86:5) of all sin, including foul language, if we are truly sorrowful, repentant (2 Cor 7:10), and committed to change (Matt 3:8).  Having said that, let’s talk a little bit about why using God’s name as a curse word is such a horrible thing.

All cursing is corrupt speech, but using the Lord’s name in vain is corrupt speech and blasphemy.  Eph 4:29 tells us to avoid all corrupt speech.  We need to avoid any and all language that sounds filthy or derogatory – this would include all swear words.  However, using the Lord’s name in vain is corrupt and irreverent.  God tells us to revere Him (Heb 12:28).  All sin will equally send you to hell (Rom 6:23), but there is an attitude of disrespect behind using the Lord’s name in vain that is especially troublesome.  The word ‘blasphemy’ means ‘to speak evil of’.  When we use God’s name as a cuss word or exclamatory term, we demote Him in our minds from the lofty position He deserves.  All our speech needs to be both clean and reverent, so that God’s name is spoken well of amongst His people (1 Tim 6:1).

My question is: are there limitations on telling a lie?  My wife and I have been separated for nineteen months.  My wife is in a relationship presently and seems to be happy even though we are not divorced.  I pay child support for our daughter.  She has asked me to refinance my home and lower the house payment in order for her to make the house payments.  In order to do this, the mortgage company requires that I live there... which will not happen.  If I refinance and answer the question correctly, I will be lying and committing fraud.  Yet, if I don’t, they will lose the house because they are not able to make the mortgage payment.  I want to do the right thing according to God’s Word.

Sincerely,
From The Outside Looking In

Dear From The Outside Looking In,

Lying is never right.  God tells us to be plain and honest people – let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ be ‘no’ (Matt 5:37).  Doing the right thing is hardest when it costs us something… but that is part of taking up our cross and following Christ (Matt 16:24).  Be honest with your wife (who should not be in a relationship with another man… but that is a separate issue), and make it clear that you cannot refinance a home you aren’t living in – that is the law.  Who knows, it may make room for you to have a conversation about reconciliation (1 Cor 7:10-11).

(This question is a follow-up to “The Last Straw”)

I read your answer to my question. Yes, he did put himself in bad company which put him in the position to do the things he did.  He sees his mistakes by befriending these people and wants to become friends with the Lord.  I believe people can put themselves in situations for which they later have to suffer the consequences... and the consequences of this are a loss of trust and respect from me that he will have to show and earn back.  I also think that God can take anything from a person if they allow Him in their heart, and I feel that he wants this to happen.  It says in the Bible that good things can come of evil; could it be that the evil that was done was meant for not only him but me to become better friends with God?  I mean, we all make mistakes, and none of us are perfect, but does this mean we should throw people away for a wrong doing?  Before we became engaged, we seemed to have the same values, but somewhere around these bad people, he got lost in it.  People lose sight of God and lose their relationship with Him, but these same people can find their way back, right?

Yes, he would have to show me he can be trusted and prove that he would do right, and this will take time.  I, myself, am a recovering addict, and for eighteen years now, with God’s help, I have never looked back.  Shouldn’t I at the least allow him the chance to prove he can be strong enough to allow God to help him do the same for him?  Sometimes people only learn and grow through mistakes.  Thank you very much for giving me some Scriptures to help me.  I sometimes have a hard time finding my answers, but I pray, and that is how I ended up finding this website.

Sincerely,
Down With Drugs

Dear Down With Drugs,

There is nothing wrong with giving your fiancée a second chance as long as you realize the risk and the need to be careful before entering into marriage.  We do all make mistakes, and God constantly gives us second chances (Matt 18:21-22)… as long as you are aware that marriage isn’t a relationship that should begin until trust has been restored (remember, you know you can trust someone when their lifestyle has shown the fruits of change – Matt 7:16-20).  It is an admirable quality that you desire to help him and give him opportunity to start over.  It may very well be your kindness that helps him stay clean (Jas 5:20)… as long as you never forget that change is ultimately up to him (Php 2:12).

My fiancée is a recovering addict; he had been clean for a long time.  He used money to take care of responsibilities and also stole for the two weeks he went back to his addiction.  He moved back to his mother's house and has been gone a month.  He is asking to come home, and I am not sure of what to do.  I am trying to forgive him, but does forgiving him mean continuing letting him be a part of my life, or does forgiving him mean to just let it go as well as him?

Sincerely,
Down With Drugs

Dear Down With Drugs,

Forgiveness is not the same as trust.  We can forgive someone without trusting them.  You must also consider the fact that God tells us to avoid bad company because it will corrupt us (1 Cor 15:33).  Also, God doesn't want people to get married to someone who doesn't have the same values or standards because they will become unequally yoked to them (2 Cor 6:14).  Thirdly, it is important to remember that sometimes the loving thing to do for someone is to let them suffer the consequences of their choices.  It would be wrong for you to seek vengeance (Rom 12:19), but there is nothing wrong with letting people realize that their bad choices have consequences... such as a loss of trust, and in this case, the destruction of your engagement.

One final thing, we may have misunderstood you when you said he is "asking to come home", but if that means that he is wanting to live with you before you are married... that is always wrong and should be avoided as well (1 Cor 6:18).