My boyfriend and I have been together for five and a half years.  Since graduating college, we have been working and getting ready to apply to graduate school.  We plan to get married but agree that the right time may not be for another four years.  Is it possible to have a secret Christian marriage now and a "real" wedding for family and friends when we are financially prepared?  Saving sex for marriage is very important to us, even though we are (and have been for some time) sexually ready.  Thank you for your advice.

Sincerely,
Bride-To-Be

Dear Bride-To-Be,

Secrecy is never a good idea… but especially when that secret will affect your marriage, your family, your reputation, tempt you to sin, and degrade your influence as christians – a secret marriage would do all of those things.  Have you considered:

1. There is really no Biblical precedent for being “married before God” and not married before the law and family.  Christians are supposed to obey the laws of the land (Rom 13:1-3).
2. You would be putting yourselves in a position where you look like you are living together (or sleeping together) without being married.  This means that you are sending the wrong message to mankind.  Christians are supposed to shine as lights in the world (Matt 5:16) and live a “good manner of life in Christ” that they may put to shame those who revile the name of Christ (1 Pet 3:16).
3. You are setting yourselves up to be deceptive.  When you file for taxes, are you going to say you aren’t married?  If great aunt Elma asks when you were married… what will you say?  There are lots of problems with this arrangement.
4. What will you tell your children down the road?  Will you lie to them about when you were married?  Will you tell them the whole story, and would you feel comfortable with them doing the same when they get to that stage of life?

All of these are potential pitfalls to a secret marriage arrangement.  The truth sets us free (Jhn 8:32), and deception ensnares us.  However, we would offer you an alternative.  God specifically teaches that it is better to marry than to burn (1 Cor 7:9).  There is nothing dishonorable with marrying when you are poor.  Keep the ceremony simple and small, be honest about your financial situation, and make it clear that you would rather be poor and married than wait to begin your life together.  It is obvious that you are committed to each other (five and a half years!), so there isn’t an issue of this being a snap decision.  After all, you can always have a lavish renewal of vows ceremony at your five-year anniversary.

Why is it that I’m a very good people-person, and I had friends, but I’m only twenty-seven and a mom and a wife, and I have no friends.  I see so many other married moms with close friends; why is life not letting me have friends?  All the friends I had have betrayed me in some sinful ways, so I stay away, and some just came in my life, and when they find new friends, I’m just a memory to them.  This problem is hurting my heart and soul so bad; I feel like I’m worthless (not as a mom and wife, but as a person to friends); have I missed something?  Or am I not getting something?  Please help.

Sincerely,
A Broken Wing

Dear A Broken Wing,

We can’t tell you exactly why you have no friends, but we can promise that you will be blessed because you removed yourself from sinful relationships.  God tells us that bad company corrupts good morals (1 Cor 15:33).  You made it clear that you’ve separated yourself from those who are bad company, and anytime that we heed God’s warnings, greater blessings are eventually on their way.

Being a wife and a mother is one of the most honorable and godly things that you can do with your life (read the story of the worthy woman in Proverbs 31).  The more you strive to be a friend to others and an example of love in your family, the more joy you will find.  The greatest blessing of friendship is in the giving (Acts 20:35, Pr 17:17).  Speak kindly, show purity of heart, and God promises that friendships will eventually bloom (Pr 22:11).  Life rarely takes the turns we expect, but, in the end, God causes all things to work together for good (Rom 8:28).

Who is the Holy Spirit?

Sincerely,
Not Good With Faces

Dear Not Good With Faces,

The Holy Spirit is deity.  He was there at the creation of the world (Gen 1:2).  Acts 5:3-4 makes it clear that the Holy Spirit is synonymous with God.  The Holy Spirit is as close to God as your spirit is to you (1 Cor 2:10-11).  The Holy Spirit is part of the Godhead – alongside with Jesus and the Father (Matt 3:16-17).

Is Jesus real?

Sincerely,
McCoy

Dear McCoy,

Absolutely!  Jesus is real, and the Bible accounts of Him are also real.  There are historical accounts of Jesus by an ancient writer named Josephus that attest to Jesus’ existence.  Archaeological evidence of the church dates back to the first century… within a couple generations of when Jesus lived.  This archaeological data is very important because it confirms that the message of Christ spread during a time in history when people could confirm His empty tomb, His miracles, and His hometown history.  In short, if Jesus was a fake, the people of that time period would have stopped a false legend from spreading… but the opposite was true.  Jesus’ church and message spread because the story was true and couldn’t be refuted.  For more information on this topic, we highly recommend the book A Case For Christ by Lee Strobel.

Where is it in the Bible that God says the only time you should have intercourse is to make babies and no other time... or is that true?

Sincerely,
Kids In Mind

Dear Kids In Mind,

Sexual relations within marriage are not only for procreation; they are also a blessing from God.  Pr 5:18-19 talks about rejoicing in marital intimacy and being intoxicated with the love of your spouse.  1 Cor 7:2-4 points out that marital relations are intended to keep both spouses from fornication because they will find joy in each other instead of in adultery.