I'm a christian woman in my late twenties, and I am unmarried.  In high school and college, I always seemed to be dumped by guys who went after the less moral girls.  Now, I'm wondering if my piousness was worth it.

Sincerely, Staring Down Thirty

Dear Staring Down Thirty,

Better to be single and going to heaven than married to an idiot who only was interested in you for your licentiousness. The reality of your situation is unfortunate. We live in an age where people are attracted to low moral standards in women. This means that good, faithful, pure women (such as yourself) get overlooked by much of the male population. Understandably, that same group of men is of an amazingly low quality, but that doesn’t remove the sting of rejection. Solomon said that he had seen people suffer for doing the right thing and prosper for doing the wrong thing (Eccl 7:15), but he’d choose morality anyway (Eccl 12:13). You have felt the bitter edge of religious suffering, but many treasures are stored in heaven for your faithfulness (Matt 6:20).

It is often difficult to be content in our circumstances when we wish they were different, and yet that is what God says we should do (Php 4:11). At thirty, your life is far from over! You have a reputation for righteousness, and that will serve you well (Pr 22:1). Pray about it, continue to serve God, put His will first, and you never know what tomorrow may bring (Matt 6:33-34). God promises that He will work all things together for good in your life (Rom 8:28).

Is addiction a sin?

Sincerely, Habitually Curious

It really depends on what the addiction is. Some addictions are good; some addictions are bad. The dictionary gives two basic definitions for the word ‘addicted’:

1. physically and mentally dependent on a particular substance, and unable to stop taking it without adverse effects (i.e. she became addicted to alcohol and diet pills.)
2. enthusiastically devoted to a particular thing or activity (i.e. he’s addicted to computers.)

Normally, we think of addiction in terms of the first definition. Addiction to drugs, alcohol, etc. is always wrong. God says drunkenness or insobriety is always a sin (Rom 13:13).

Using the second definition, we can have both good and bad addictions. I can be ‘enthusiastically devoted’ to reading my Bible, or I could be ‘enthusiastically devoted’ to stealing watches. Here are some examples of good addictions:

1. Praying (1 Thess 5:17).
2. Being hospitable (Rom 12:13).
3. Attending church services (Heb 10:25).
4. Teaching others (Acts 17:2)

There are many positive addictions. The addictions to beware of are the outright sinful ones and the ones that distract us from serving God (2 Tim 2:4). Video games, work, socializing, and other such things are not overtly wrong, but if they distract us from the ultimate purpose of our lives (getting to heaven), then they become wrong. Our lives will be devoted to something – the key is to pick the right things to be addicted to.

Does God have a plan for me?  How can I know what it is, and how can I follow my calling?

Sincerely, Searching For Purpose

Dear Searching For Purpose,

Yes, God does have a plan for you. Your job isn’t to find it... but to prepare for whatever that calling might be. God seems to continuously be preparing people for specific times and jobs. Joseph was brought to Egypt to save his family (Gen 45:4-7). Esther was raised up to save Israel from Haman (Esther 4:14). Paul was chosen to preach to the Gentiles (Acts 9:15). All of these people had one thing in common – preparation.

Joseph, Esther, and Paul were only useful to God since they had been improving themselves in the years preceding. Paul emphasized this with his protégé, Timothy, in his final letters to him (2 Tim 2:20-21). Spend your life becoming a vessel prepared for every good work because you never know what good work you will be called to do. Chances are that you will be surprised by the twists and turns your life takes, but a prepared christian who knows their Bible and has fashioned their character after that Word will be ready for whatever tasks lay ahead.

So you kind of went over this in your answer to the "Can I Lose My Salvation" question… but I was wondering about my own salvation. I fall into that other extreme where I feel like if I'm not perfect, I'm not saved. I've been praying for more trust in God and studying my Bible a lot more (which has been extremely helpful). However, I still feel even though I think that I will be saved (flaws and all) that I could be doing better. I fear that if I don't constantly keep this in mind and push myself to do better, I will be lost. I guess my question is this: is this a proper attitude, or do I need to work on my trust in God still when it comes to my salvation?  People always say you should be assured of your salvation, but how do you know if you are on the brink of being lost?  I guess I just wish there were definite parameters.

Sincerely, Confident, I think...

Dear Confident,

Your struggle is a normal one and is an issue of maturity over time. All christians begin their new lives with the fear of hell and God’s punishment (Pr 1:7)… this is a healthy thing. The church was encouraged to fear God, and they grew when they did (Acts 5:11, Acts 9:31). So fear isn’t a negative thing; it keeps us safe and spurs us to submit to God. But even though fear is the beginning of wisdom, it isn’t the end of it.

John states that fear begins to diminish as our relationship with God becomes more and more built upon love (1 John 4:18)… our love for Him and a growing appreciation of His love for us.

Yes, you must constantly push yourself to improve and grow (Heb 6:1-6). Remember, growing as a christian can become a joy and a pleasure (Matt 11:29). All parent/child relationships have an aspect of fear to them, but ultimately love is seen as the prevailing element in a healthy family dynamic. God is our father (Rom 8:15), and we are his children (1 John 3:1).

It takes maturity and time to appreciate the love of God. The greatest gift man has ever received was the sacrifice of God’s own Son (Jhn 3:16). It should not be any surprise that it takes time, study, and wisdom to appreciate how much God really wants you to spend eternity with Him. Don’t worry; even if you can’t decide whether you are going to heaven or not – it isn’t your decision anyway! Follow God’s commands to the best of your ability, and over time the confidence of your heart will grow, your confidence in your salvation will increase, and you will have more and more peace regarding your eternal home (1 John 3:18-20).

When we are told to confess our sins; what all does that entail? Does that just mean confessing to God in prayer, or do I need to be making an effort to tell other christians of all my struggles?

Sincerely, Tongue Tied

We must confess all of our sins to God (1 John 1:9) and be prepared to get help with our faults from other christians (Jas 5:16). When James talks about confessing sins to each other, he is talking in the context of prayer. His point is that when someone prays for you as you struggle with sin, that prayer will make an immense difference. He is not stating that you have to announce every single sin you have ever committed to each and every christian you meet.

There are definitely times to tell another person about your sin.

1. If you have sinned against them, you must admit it and ask for forgiveness (Lk 17:3-4).
2. If you believe the knowledge of your previous sin will help them (1 Tim 1:15-16).
3. If you are struggling with a sin and need help (Jas 5:16, Eccl 4:9).
4. If it would be deceptive to not reveal the sin (1 Jhn 1:8).

All of those situations constitute an appropriate time to confess your sins to another person. God doesn’t call us to parade our past sins before all we meet, but there is a time to own up to our faults before both man and God.