If I have been struggling with a sinful life, how do I un-harden my heart?

Sincerely,
Trying

Dear Trying,

God says that the only way to “un-harden” a heart is to start really listening and acting on what He says.  A hardened heart is stubborn (Deu 2:30) and proud (Dan 5:20).  A hard heart is another way of saying that someone won’t listen to good advice and won’t do what others tell them.  God gives good advice; it is up to us to listen and act.  Sometimes, we need to take a good long look in the mirror and ask ourselves, “What does God say I should be doing (attending services, avoiding bad company, making better life choices, etc.)?”  Then we need to go out and do it.  Faithful people hear and act (Jas 1:22).  Start doing, and you start changing.

I am struggling with a very tough sin; I keep falling, but I refuse to give up the good fight.  Sometimes, I feel like I’m a terrible evil person for falling into this sinful life.  I guess what I’m asking is for any tips, advice, and verses to help me defeat this sin.  I’m too embarrassed and extremely scared to admit this sin to others; any advice to help me… just between me and God?  Please pray for me. Thank you.  The answers and verses have helped me many times, especially when you say never give up!

Sincerely,
Mums The Word

Dear Mums The Word,

Our hearts go out to you in this battle – good job not giving up!  We want to help you, and we will pray for you.  Unfortunately, helping you probably means telling you something you don’t want to hear.  It is almost always uncomfortable, humiliating, scary, or costly to admit a sin – but that is exactly why it is often the right thing to do.  God tells us that we should be ready to do whatever it takes to remove sin from our lives (Matt 5:29).  Many times, the right thing to do is also the hardest thing to do.  Confessing our sins isn’t easy (or everyone would do it), but it is one of the purest cures God gives us for a life stuck in sin (Jas 5:16).  God knows that we aren’t meant to handle life’s trials and temptations alone – and the devil knows it, too.  Sin hates the light because it scatters darkness (Jhn 3:19-20).  If you are afraid to admit your sin to others, it is probably exactly what you need to do.

Hi.  I am single, and I am addicted to watching porn videos.  I was wondering if you had any tips for me.  I have tried to stop, but then I don’t know how to act, want to eat, or do anything.  What should I do?

Sincerely,
Addicted

Dear Addicted,

We are told that a powerful tool in defeating sin is confessing our sins to one another (Jas 5:16).  Sin likes to be kept secret (Jhn 3:20), and bringing it to light by making it public goes a long way in defeating habitual sin.  A very popular way of getting this sort of accountability is by using accountability software that forwards your browsing history to a friend or trusted individual.  Companies like x3watch and CovenantEyes make accountability software, and many struggling pornography addicts have found it to make a huge difference.  If you want to defeat sin, you must expose it.  Confess your sin to others, and you will begin to see change.  It is time to get serious about removing this sin.  You know you are serious about defeating sin when you are willing to expose it at all costs.  That is the single most effective advice we could give you.  Some other details to consider:

1. Bad company corrupts good morals (1 Cor 15:33).  Stop spending time around others who are okay with this behavior and remove all illicit materials from your home.  Throwing away the pornography is a good first step to saving yourself from it (Matt 5:29)
2. Don’t give up.  A righteous man falls, but he keeps getting back up (Pr 24:16).  A failure doesn’t become permanent until you let it.  Keep trying.
3. Get help from others.  Trying to do things alone, especially when we’ve failed before, is just too hard.  We are stronger when we enlist the help of friends and family (Eccl 4:9-12).
4. Replace the bad habit with a good habit.  It isn’t enough to simply stop something; that void must be filled with something else that is positive (Lk 11:24-26).
5. Pray.  God blesses us when we turn to Him (Jas 5:16) and ask for forgiveness and help (Jas 1:5).

Now is your chance to start a new life free from this addictive slavery to pornography.  We would be happy to help you find a congregation in your area that can help you through this struggle and prepare you for a better and complete life in Christ.  E-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org if we can be of service.

How exactly do you stop a reoccurring sin… if you can’t tell anybody?

Sincerely,
Mum’s The Word

Dear Mum’s The Word,

We can’t fathom a single circumstance when you “can’t” tell anybody about a sin you are struggling with.  We can think of many situations when it would be uncomfortable, humiliating, or costly to admit a sin – but never any situation that it is impossible.  God tells us that we should be ready to do whatever it takes to remove sin from our lives (Matt 5:29).  Many times, the right thing to do is also the hardest thing to do.  Confessing our sins isn’t easy (or everyone would do it), but it is one of the purest cures God gives us for a life stuck in sin (Jas 5:16).  God knows that we aren’t meant to handle life’s trials and temptations alone – and the devil knows it, too.  Sin hates the light because it scatters darkness (Jhn 3:19-20).  If you are afraid to admit your sin to others, it is probably exactly what you need to do.

I have a friend that says he is a true born-again christian, but he has been having a lot of problems in his life and has thought about taking his own life.  His question was if you were to take your own life, even if he is really saved, if he was to do something like that, he wanted to know if he would go to hell.  I told him I didn’t think so; I think once you are saved under Jesus’ blood, you’re always saved no matter what.  Is there any verse in the Bible that talks about that?  If so, could you give that to me, so that I can talk to my friend?  Thank you so much.

Sincerely,
Friend To The Hurting

Dear Friend To The Hurting,

People can lose their salvation. Heb 6:4-6 and Heb 10:26-27 outline that if someone rejects God’s Word (even after becoming a christian), they will go to hell just like any other unbeliever. And that is the key to the whole thing – is suicide an example of rejecting God’s Word and sinning willfully?

Suicide certainly is condemned. Suicide is murder, self-murder, and is therefore very clearly a sin (Rev 21:8). The only difference between suicide and murdering someone else is that you don’t get a chance to repent after suicide. Suicide is a final decision and leaves no room for correction or for asking forgiveness. Therefore, in most cases, it would be fair to say that suicide will send you to hell. It is a willful act of disobedience against God without opportunity for repentance.

We here at AYP only hesitate to say, “All people who commit suicide go to hell,” because God never specifically makes that statement. The final judgment belongs to God (Heb 12:23), but we certainly wouldn’t want to face that judgment with our own blood on our hands.