I will get straight to the point with this; I was sexually abused as a child; there were many personal consequences to me as a result of this, but it has mostly made it very difficult for me growing up to trust others, especially men.  I understand that nothing like this is the will of God but that it is the consequence of sin.  What I don't understand is how God expects me to deal with this, make some good come from this, and be able to have a well-adjusted and functioning relationship.  For a long time, I felt it was unfair that I had to grow up without having the chance to really be a child, now though, I am just trying to make the best of my past and move on with my life.  Is there any advice you could give me?  …Because sometimes it's really difficult for me to deal with this, and to be honest, I feel lost about how to deal with and overcome these challenges because it feels like there is nothing good I can make out of it.

Sincerely,
Grew Up Too Fast

Dear Grew Up Too Fast,

Your question is a legitimate one that deserves a good and truthful Bible answer.  The problem is, if we could provide a one-paragraph answer that would overcome your lifelong struggle, you would have already found that answer.  There are some struggles that are so deep that they can’t be unburdened quickly.  God says that the heart knows its own sorrow (Pr 14:10) and that it is easier to destroy than it is to rebuild (Eccl 9:18).  There is no shame in seeking counseling and finding a healthy listening ear to unburden your woes upon (we would be happy to help you locate a Bible-based counselor in your area).  Time and effort are the only truly effective tools for coping with such devastating pain as being abused as a child.

The only other thing that we would say is that it has been our experience that people who have been through great trials are the ones that are the most capable of helping others.  Trials seem to have a way of increasing our capacity to empathize and pull alongside others.  The Bible shows this to be true in numerous circumstances.  Jeremiah’s suffering at the hands of Israel, Daniel in the lion’s den, Ruth’s early widowhood, and countless other stories of bereaved and burdened Bible heroes tell us that adversity can create magnificent humans.  It may very well be that you will be one of the most effective people at helping others because you suffered so much at such an early age.  We are so very sorry for your pain and pray that you will be able to overcome.

My cousin committed suicide.  She had a chronic illness and was in great physical pain.  She did not believe in God.  Did she go to heaven or hell when she died?

Sincerely,
Crushed Cousin

Dear Crushed Cousin,

God is the judge of the living and the dead (1 Pet 4:5)… we cannot make the judgment on whether your cousin will go to heaven or hell, but we can say that she did things opposite of what the Bible teaches.  We are told to place our faith in God, and our trust and obedience in Him saves us (Jhn 3:16, Mk 16:16).  Suicide certainly is condemned.  Suicide is murder, self-murder, and is therefore very clearly a sin (Rev 21:8).  The only difference between suicide and murdering someone else is that you don’t get a chance to repent after suicide.  Suicide is a final decision and leaves no room for correction or for asking forgiveness.  It is a willful act of disobedience against God without opportunity for repentance.  The final judgment belongs to God (Heb 12:23), but we certainly wouldn’t want to face that judgment with our own blood on our hands.  Our hearts go out to you as you mourn the loss of your cousin.

This is the hardest thing I have ever admitted.  I am a christian, and have been raised in a christian household, but I have been dealing with a sin that I’m scared could ruin my relationship with God.  I have watched pornography for a long time.  I have prayed for forgiveness many times and for strength, but I always fall back into this extremely painful sin.  I want to stop and be forgiven but I’m afraid I’ll fall again since it has happened many times.  I’m so scared God will not forgive me, but I truly am sorry.  I know the Bible says God will always forgive, but I keep doing this terrible sin.  I hate what I have become, and I’m very scared.  I guess I’m just asking for some advice and begging for you to help.  Please pray for me.

Sincerely,
Ashamed

Dear Ashamed,

This sin is deeply entrenched in your life, and you need permanent repentance.  We are told that a powerful tool in defeating sin is confessing our sins to one another (Jas 5:16).  Sin likes to be kept secret (Jhn 3:20), and bringing it to light by making it public goes a long way in defeating habitual sin.  A very popular way of getting this sort of accountability is by using accountability software that forwards your browsing history to a friend or trusted individual.  Companies like CovenantEyes make accountability software, and many struggling pornography addicts have found it to make a huge difference.  If you want to defeat sin, you must expose it.  Confess your sin to others, and you will begin to see change.  It is time to get serious about removing this sin.  You know you are serious about defeating sin when you are willing to expose it at all costs.

My question is about fantasy life.  Ever since I was a young child, I remember living in a fantasy world.  It made me feel better knowing that this world I was living in was controlled by me.  This has continued into adulthood now.  It seems that what I look forward to are my nights when I will get to visit my fantasy world again.  I guess what I want to know is: is this a bad thing?  If it is, what should I do to break this habit?  Are there references in the Bible about this?

Sincerely,
Dreamer

Dear Dreamer,

God wants us to live in the world and trust Him… not avoid this life.  If God desired for christians to completely remove themselves from the influences and difficulties of this world, He would have commanded us to.  Instead, we see that He wants us to live amongst mankind as shining lights (Matt 5:16-17), and we are specifically told to remain amongst our fellow man (1 Cor 5:10).  You mentioned that your reason for living in a fantasy world was to find control.  The Bible tells us that we should give up control (1 Pet 5:6).  Let God be your refuge and fortress in life (Ps 91:2).

It is very easy to slip into the habit of finding refuge from life in television, video games, internet, books, excessive sleep, etc. – but ultimately, all we are doing is running away from reality.  That isn’t healthy.  It is time to grab your Bible and start facing this life head on.

Is smoking weed a sin; if not, why?  If so, why?  Where does it say either case in the Bible?

Sincerely,
The Burning Dandelion

Dear The Burning Dandelion,

Plants (and drugs made from plants) are wonderful things if used as God intended – medicinally.  Anything that removes the clarity of someone’s mind or makes them drunk is sinful if used recreationally (1 Cor 5:11).  Christians are to be sober-minded, so that we can properly learn, grow, and serve the Lord (1 Thess 5:6).  The devil loves an addled brain, and the moment we stop thinking clearly, he is ready to pounce (1 Pet 5:8).  Furthermore, the body is a temple and should be treated as God intended – not destroyed with drugs (1 Cor 6:19).  Drugs destroy your body and mind.  You were bought with a price; glorify God in your body (1 Cor 6:20).