I've been married for over a decade and born again for that long also, but there is a sinful problem in my life.  I haven't physically slept with anyone, but I struggle with flirting, porn, and putting myself in compromising situations.  I talked to many people (pastors, friends, etc., even my wife).  I still haven't overcome it yet.  I exhausted these talks with my wife; it's starting to bring her down, so now, I keep it to myself.  Is there any hope of freedom for me, or am I stuck this way for life?  If you can help me, write back, please.

Sincerely,
Enslaved

Dear Enslaved,

The Bible makes several statements about sexual sins and how to avoid them:

1. Flee fornication (1 Cor 6:18).  Keeping yourself out of compromising situations is a logistical decision.  Put accountability software like Covenant Eyes on your computer and only use it in a public area.  Stay away from social situations and places that are a temptation.  In short, don’t put yourself somewhere where you can make a bad decision.
2. Replace bad habits with good ones (Lk 11:24-26).  Make a decision to court and flirt with your wife.  Find joy in the wife of your youth (Pr 5:18).  Make it your personal campaign to rekindle the joy and happiness of your marriage.  Take all of that wasted energy and apply it to a godly romance.  Your current choices are destroying your wife and marriage… this will do the exact opposite.

These two habits are stressed over and over again in the Scriptures.  The last thing that we would recommend is what you are already doing.  By using this site and talking to others, you are surrounding yourself with good counsel (Pr 15:22).

I started going to church at three years old, and I’m a christian (as far as I know), but my question is: how do christians live?  I came from dancing, drinking, etc., but now I am trying to live like a christian, but I don't know how.

Sincerely,
Starting Fresh

Dear Starting Fresh,

Christianity is about living by faith and knowing that God will reward us for seeking Him (Heb 11:6).  Our first act of faith is to become a christian; since it sounds like you aren’t completely sure that you are one, we recommend you read our post “What Must I Do To Be Saved?”.

After becoming a christian, you must begin to grow and practice what the Bible says (1 Pet 2:2).  A large part of that growing process is becoming an active member in a faithful congregation that can teach and encourage you (Heb 10:24-25).  Not every church is doing what God says, and it is important that you search for a congregation that is faithfully preaching and teaching the Bible.  We have an article entitled “Finding A Church” that can help you search for a congregation.  We would also be happy to help you find a congregation in your area.  If you would like our help, e-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org, and we will try to put you in contact with a congregation nearby.

I am a saved person and believe that Jesus died for my sins, and now I am saved and love my Lord.  I have been married to my husband for five years, and his children have treated me with hatred and contempt.  My husband is a christian, can lay on hands, and speak in tongues.  But instead of stopping their bad behavior, he lets them continue, and he says their behavior is my fault.  I do not smile or have joy, only if I'm in church.  My question is: can I commit suicide and still go to heaven?  Just can't take much more days of crying and hurt.

Sincerely,
Not A Wicked Stepmother

Dear Not A Wicked Stepmother,

Suicide is murder, self-murder, and is therefore very clearly a sin (Rev 21:8).  The only difference between suicide and murdering someone else is that you don’t get a chance to repent after suicide.  Suicide is a final decision and leaves no room for correction or for asking forgiveness.  Therefore, in most cases, it would be fair to say that suicide will send you to hell.  It is a willful act of disobedience against God without opportunity for repentance.

The only reason we here at AYP hesitate to say, “All people who commit suicide go to hell,” is because God never specifically makes that statement.  The final judgment belongs to God (Heb 12:23), but we certainly wouldn’t want to face that judgment with our own blood on our hands.

There is always a way of escape from the temptation to sin (1 Cor 10:13).  There are other options, and there is help.  If you'd like someone in your area to help you through your struggle and the conflicting messages you are receiving, we would be happy find a faithful congregation in your area to help bring you comfort and truth.  Please don't give up hope.

The Lord does provide relief through His Word (Acts 20:32).  From what you have said about speaking in tongues, laying on of hands, etc. – we fear that you may not be getting the full picture of what the Lord’s will is for His church and family (1 Tim 3:15).  We know of many preachers across the country ready and willing to help people like yourself come to a more complete understanding of the Lord’s ways.  E-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org if you would like a preacher from your area to contact you.

Two years ago, I was divorced from an abusive marriage.  I have been dating a christian man for about a year and a half.  I'm forty-six; he is fifty-three.  About six months, into our relationship we became intimate.  We have been having sex now for about a year.  We are very committed to each other (not sure about marriage).  He introduced me to a wonderful church, and I have become "spirit filled".  Jesus is my Lord and Savior.  Recently, I went through a class called "Freedom in Christ".  I had to ask forgiveness for my sexual immorality and pledge to myself and Christ that I will remain pure until marriage.  My boyfriend is in Alaska for two months; when he returns, how do I approach this?  What if he wants to end our relationship?  I had no problem jumping into the sack with him before he left, and now when he comes back, I don’t know how to approach this with him.  Please help.

Sincerely,
Fresh Start

Dear Fresh Start,

If in doubt, be honest.  You’ve made a decision to put Christ first in your life and are hoping that your boyfriend will respect that.  If he does, then you know what kind of man he is and can move forward in a moral courtship.  If he doesn’t respect that, he isn’t the kind of man the Lord would want you to be yoked to (2 Cor 6:14).  The truth has a freeing effect upon our lives (Jhn 8:32).  Be honest, be forthright, and be firm.  No matter what happens – fleeing sexual immorality is the right decision (1 Cor 6:18).  May you continue your journey to serve the Lord and seek truth (Eph 4:15); we applaud you for taking this very important step.

Should a Christian do everything possible to maintain life during a health crisis, or accept physical wasting as a blessing and prepare to meet God?

Sincerely,
The Tough Choices

Dear The Tough Choices,

The act of purposefully taking your own life is definitely wrong, but refusing to prolong a terminal illness is a much murkier area.  There is no doubt that suicide is sinful (read “Victim Was The Assailant” for further details), but when someone doesn’t accept surgery, chemotherapy, life-support, etc. – that isn’t suicide.  ‘Do not resuscitate’ orders, living wills, and other such decisions are a matter of wisdom and conscience.

God very clearly teaches that we should be people who value life.  It isn’t our right to presumptuously choose the moment of our death (Eccl 8:8).  Just because we are suffering isn’t necessarily a reason to stop fighting for life.  Suffering can be a very important part of our life here (Eccl 7:14).  The general rule should be to seek to preserve life – even our consciences tell us this.  It is called the “survival instinct”.

On the other hand, there comes a point when continuing to poke, prod, and prolong the life of a body that is obviously dying can offend our conscience as well.  This is where wisdom comes in.  God tells us to ask Him for wisdom (Jas 1:5) and to make conscientious decisions (1 Tim 3:9).  There is no magic answer to your question – only principles to follow in a very difficult time.