What does the Bible teach about who is supposed to care for their sick and elderly parents?  (Preferably verses from the New Testament).  I would like the Scriptures and an interpretation, please.

Sincerely,
Caregiver

Dear Caregiver,

The most applicable set of verses on the topic of caring for ageing parents are Matt 15:3-6 and 1 Tim 5:4.  In the book of Matthew, Jesus makes a direct correlation between the command to ‘honor your father and mother’ (Matt 15:4, Eph 6:2) and the act of spending money to care for their needs (Matt 15:5-6).  Part of honoring your parents (whether it be a joy or a burden) is caring for their physical needs.  In 1 Tim 5:4, Paul makes it clear that children should care for their needy parents.  In caring for our parents, we show piety and do something that is acceptable in God’s sight.

I feel like I am struggling to be the person God wants me to be; I ask Him for guidance and to help me make sure I’m going down the path He wants me to.  My future still seems so uncertain.  I’m watching my grandfather die slowly, and I’m struggling through a relationship with a girl I care a lot about but don’t know if we are right for each other.  I also have a fear for her faithfulness even though she, to my knowledge, has never done anything she shouldn’t have.  I don’t remember ever feeling so lost even though I think my relationship with God is as strong as ever.  Admittedly, I don’t go to church; I haven’t been for years.  I tell myself that what is important is my relationship with God.  I feel guilty for complaining about my life knowing that there are people out there who have it much worse than I do.  I’m healthy, fed; I mean, I have a pretty decent life.

In short - am I being selfish?  Why do I feel lost and not know the right thing to do?  How do you know what is best for you?  Would I be a better christian/person if I went to church?

I don’t expect you to answer this or reply, but guidance would be appreciated.

Sincerely,
Without A Compass

Dear Without A Compass,

Solomon once said that to fear God and keep His commandments is the whole of man (Eccl 12:13).  Right now, you aren’t feeling whole because you aren’t paying attention to all of His commandments.  The sum of God’s Word is truth (Ps 119:160).  We cannot find peace and salvation without embracing all of God’s teachings and humbly allowing the Master to guide our lives.  Heb 10:24-25 makes it clear that you cannot serve God without assembling with christians on a regular basis.  He also teaches that we must take the Lord’s Supper regularly (every Sunday – Acts 20:7) with other christians (1 Cor 11:20-26).  No man is an island; christians are meant to gather together with others who can help them through the trials of life (like watching your grandfather die) and the difficult decisions (like how to proceed with your girlfriend).  The church is made up of many individuals, and it is designed to build all of us up together in Christ (Eph 4:12-16).  You won’t be a whole person until you begin working with a church and attending services.

We caution you that it is important to find a church that will teach and instruct you only in the Scriptures.  Not all congregations are alike.  There are many religious groups that warp and pervert the Scriptures (1 Jhn 4:1) – and they will only make your situation worse.  If you would like help finding a faithful and Biblical congregation in your area, please feel free to e-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org, and we will do our best to put you in contact with a trustworthy congregation near you.

My 46-year-old sister has been caught up in a group of new age shamans.  She has taken all the classes and is now involved in some things they call “soul retrieval” and “journeying”.  Both delve into the spirit world.  She claims to talk to spirits and my deceased mother.  Whenever I see her, I get a very uneasy creepy feeling.  I am at the point where I can’t stand to be around her or look at her.  I want to be a good sister and christian, but I don't know what I should do.  She knows that I think what she is involved in is wrong and thinks it is funny.  She says she believes in God, but I feel what she is involved in is not right.  Not sure how to handle this anymore.  Any suggestions?  Thank you.

Sincerely,
My Soul Doesn’t Need Retrieving

Dear My Soul Doesn’t Need Retrieving,

If she thinks your religious differences are funny, religion is not something she is taking very seriously at this stage of her life.  Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father except through Me” (Jhn 14:6).  Jesus is an exclusive Savior; He leaves no room for other gods or forms of worship.  Your sister needs be only mildly interested in spiritual things to recognize the differences between the Bible and her occult practices.  The fact that she is amused by your discomfort makes it clear that she is not interested in discussing the topic with you.  Unfortunately, the only option you have is to back off and “not throw your pearls before swine” (Matt 7:6).  Maybe someday she will change her attitude and be more receptive to God’s Word.  Until then, be cordial but as distant as you need to be to feel that you are keeping “good company” (1 Cor 15:33).

I often say things that hurt the people I love; for example, I said to my sister today that she should have not planted a tree so close to another, and it hurt her feelings because she worked hard and was proud of her achievement.  She told me I was cynical just like our mother.  This, in turn, hurt me deeply.  I don't want to be cynical; I want to be edifying.  I work on it through Christ, but nothing seems to change.  I see the works of Christ in other areas of my life, but this root seems to be at the core of my being.  How can I have lasting healing from this?

Sincerely,
Glass Half Empty

Dear Glass Half Empty,

There is no miracle pill that will make you become better at interacting with people; kind words and a gentle tongue are skills acquired through practice and time.  Since you say that you’ve seen improvements in other areas of your life, you know that growth takes time – but eventually bears wonderful results.  Here are some things to consider as you try and improve your speech.

1. What we say comes from our hearts (Mk 7:18-23).  How you feel about people matters.  Spend time trying to think of life from the other person’s perspective.  Jesus was the master of compassion.  Even though He had nothing in common with the sinners He preached to, He still had a deep-seated love for them (Mk 2:16-17)… and it came across in how He spoke.
2. Sometimes the kindest thing you can say to someone is nothing at all.  If in doubt, keep your mouth shut.  Even a fool looks wise when he remains silent (Pr 17:28).  Nobody is offended by a kind, generous (and silent) smile.
3. Remember that words have power.  The old saying that “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is a lie.  The human tongue has the ability to set the world on fire (Jas 3:5-6).  Think before you speak; what you say makes a difference.
4. Remember that God is watching the words that we use.  He hears everything and is displeased when we use the same mouth to praise Him and to curse our brother (Jas 3:9-10).  Speak like He is listening.

We wish you the very best in your journey to improve your speech.  We all need to fight the good fight of controlling our tongues.

Does God punish people by making their loved ones sick because that person didn't want something to occur?

Sincerely,
Guilty Conscience

Dear Guilty Conscience,

We couldn’t say what God has or hasn’t done in a specific circumstance.  However, we can provide some general principles regarding life for you to consider.

1. We reap what we sow (Gal 6:7-8).  The choices we make have consequences in this life – and in the next.  What you do affects you and those around you that you come in contact with.  When you behave godly, certain things happen; when you behave sinfully, other things happen.  That is a universal principle of life.
2. God is always fair and just (Deu 32:4).  God doesn’t make bad decisions.  If (emphasis upon the ‘if’) God had a hand in causing someone you love to be sick… He has a reason.  God loves mankind and always seeks what is in our long-term best interests (Jhn 3:16).
3. Sometimes bad things simply happen because they happen.  Job suffered greatly and lost his children, but it wasn’t his fault.  Job hadn’t done anything wrong, nor had his kids.  It all happened because Satan wanted to do evil (Job 1:6).  As long as we live in this world of sin, there will be troubles.  Sometimes, there isn’t anyone at fault.
4. God causes all things to work together for good for those who love him (Rom 8:28).  No matter what has happened in the past, if we love God and turn to Him, He will make everything turn out for the positive.  We can’t tell you how, but in His great wisdom, He can turn even the worst of scenarios into a long-term benefit.

We here at AYP cannot imagine what heartache you must be going through if someone you dearly love is sick.  We wish you the very best during this trying time and will pray that all turns out well.