My question regards generational curses.  My mother and father recently divorced.  I have now learned that my mother continues to have relationships with married men.  I somehow feel like her choices in her life will somehow curse me in relationships.  I have recently broken up with a man I thought I would have a future with.  Is this just the enemy trying to defeat me?  Thanks!

Sincerely,
Distressed Daughter

Dear Distressed Daughter,

Children pay for the choices their parents make… but not in the way you are concerned about.  People pay for the sins of those who have gone before.  If your father was an axe murderer, it would affect you, your children, maybe even your grandchildren (Ex 34:7)… but eventually he would be forgotten, and the consequences of his behavior would dissipate.  That is what the generational curse is – that children must live with the repercussions of their parents’ choices.  You are dealing with that right now.

Divorce affects children in horrific and lasting ways.  One of the repercussions is that you begin to doubt whether or not you are capable of having a lasting and faithful marriage.  The doubt and fear you have is a pain you endure because of your mother’s choices… but you don’t have to recreate home.  Every person has the God-given gift of free will (Matt 7:13-14).  God wants every marriage to be happy, faithful, and for a lifetime (Eph 5:31-33).  In spite of your parents’ choices, you can choose a godly spouse and live a godly marriage.  Your parents’ decisions cannot deny you the right to live faithfully and have a fully successful future.  In fact, make it a point to be the person who changes your family tree.

I have a question.  I was thinking about getting into modeling because my friend is into it, and she is trying to get me to.  She wants me to be a ring card girl with her, but my family said that it is a sin to show off my body like that and to be around that kind of environment.

Sincerely,
Looking For Career Advice

Dear Looking For Career Advice,

Your family is right.  The women that “prance” around boxing rings with the cards that indicate what round of the match it is are only there for one reason – to feed the lust of the flesh (1 Jn 2:16).  Dressing immodestly is a sin (1 Tim 2:9).  Furthermore, being around people that promote provocative sinful attitudes will corrupt you (1 Cor 15:33).  We are affected by those we are around, and our friendships and work environment either build us up or tear us down.  Listen to your family; they have your best interests in mind.

I grew up in a Catholic home.  I was raised mostly by my paternal aunt and my uncle (her husband).  I did grow up with my birth mother from ages 10-15.  I became rebellious with my birthmother and left home with my boyfriend (at the time) because of his constant verbal and physical abuse.  I gave birth to my first daughter at seventeen.  During this time, my birthmother found Jesus and was converted.  She forgave me, and she and I have never been closer.  I was also converted into Christianity, and I have successfully grown in the Lord.  However, when I left my abusive relationship, I didn't return to my mother's house.  I went back to my aunt’s house with my daughter.  I have remarried, and my husband and I have two more girls.  We live at my aunt’s house.  They like us living here, and we are happy, thanks to the Lord.  We are extremely blessed.

I love my aunt and uncle who have tirelessly helped us in so many ways.  They appreciate the new attitude and our family's fruits as christians, but they try to avoid us when we try to share the good food of the gospel with them.

My question is as follows: what should we do?  I feel like they are good people, but they are better Catholics; they worship all kinds of "saints" and speak of the Virgin Mary more than our Lord Jesus.  They never read their Bibles, and they misunderstand a lot of "scriptures" (the few that the priest reads at their church).  A lot of things they believe in are not right.  I know this is wrong, but what do we do??

Sincerely,
Nice Niece

Dear Nice Niece,

The greatest impact you can make is to live your life and let Christ’s Word speak through your actions.  People have to want Christ to come into their lives for the gospel to take root (Rev 3:14).  We cannot force anyone to change; Christianity is a voluntary religion.  The first century church was marked by its kindhearted and godly reputation… and it affected those around them (Acts 5:13-14).  Family is traditionally the most difficult evangelism project – even Jesus admitted that His hometown was the least likely to listen to Him (Mk 6:4).  Don’t shy away from spiritual conversations with your aunt and uncle, but don’t force them either.  Live authentically, and they will notice and consider.  Jesus said that letting our lights shine brings glory to God (Matt 5:16).

I have a question about "honor your father and your mother".  Some parents seem to use this as a weapon when kids are not listening to their parents or misbehaving.  I seem to get different meanings of what this really means.  I do thank you for your time.  God bless!

Sincerely,
Ain’t Misbehavin’

Dear Ain’t Misbehavin’,

Children are told to honor their father and mother at all ages (Eph 6:2-3). The word ‘honor’ means ‘to esteem highly’.  Parents deserve respect and kind treatment from their offspring.  As parents reach old age, children show honor by caring for their parents’ needs (Matt 15:4-6).  Until independent adulthood, honoring your parents is shown through respectful obedience (Eph 6:1).  No Scripture should ever be wielded “as a weapon”, but regardless of how the verse is used, that is what it means.

I grew up in a "christian" home - one where we went to church on Sundays, and my mother often quoted the Bible and listened exclusively to religious music – while simultaneously hideously abusing me on both an emotional and physical level.  Now that I am an adult, married, and expecting my first child, my husband recently asked my mother to leave our home after a surprise visit and asked her not to come back – mainly because she continues the emotional abuse to this day.  After every episode of it, she will call me the next day as if nothing happened, offering no apology or even acknowledgment of her behavior, but carrying on a regular conversation.  While I have forgiven her, I no longer want her in my life, and though I pray for her happiness, health, and well-being, I cannot bear to live with the emotional abuse and the constant (4-5 times per week) phone calls at all hours.  I have politely told her many times that we need to address the issue of her behavior which sends her into another abusive episode followed by complete denial that anything happened.  I want to be Christ-like.  I forgive every time, but does that mean I have to look at another perhaps forty years of this?  What would Jesus do?  Am I wrong to cut her out of my life?  I do not want my son, due in July, to grow up around this influence, and this cycle of abusive outbursts followed by denial and disengagement has been happening for years.

Sincerely,
Breaking The Cycle

Dear Breaking The Cycle,

Showing forgiveness is not the same as trusting someone.  You have every right to set boundaries in your life if someone is corrupting you with their bad company (1 Cor 15:33).  If you have respectfully tried to show your mother the boundaries (and it sounds like you have), there comes a time when you must put your immediate family before your extended family.  You have a responsibility to your mother, but you have a greater responsibility to your husband and child (Matt 19:5).  It is unfortunate that you are in this situation, but Christ even said that sometimes christian morality will divide families (Matt 10:34-35).  We cannot tell you exactly what lines to draw (that is a matter of wisdom, not doctrine), but you are perfectly scriptural in setting some degree of moral boundary.