I am twenty-eight years old, and I have a five-year-old son who has Down’s Syndrome.  He cannot talk, so he tries to talk by yelling loud.  Every time I go to a family get-together, I always have a problem.  When my little special child yells, I always hear my grandma talking to the person who she is sitting beside, and she is telling them how she cannot stand all that yelling.  She always says it where I can hear.  It hurts my feelings so bad that I go home and cry.  I never say anything to her about it because she is my grandma, and I do not want to be an angry person.  I am getting where I do not want to go to the family get-togethers because of it.  He does not mean to be bothering her.  He is just a ray of sunshine and happy!!  Could you tell me how to deal with this problem with my grandma in a way that you think God would have me handle it?  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Proud Mom

Dear Proud Mom,

There are several things that you can try, and it all depends on what you believe is the most appropriate tact to take with your grandmother.  No matter what, you should know that you are right about your child, and he is a blessing from God – nothing anybody says can change that fact.  Regardless of how others feel, he has done nothing wrong.  That being said, here are some verses to consider:

1. Rom 12:18 says that we should do everything we can to be at peace with others.  Turning the other cheek (Matt 5:39) is often the best policy when people are ignorantly hurtful.  If you can, just let it go… from what you have said, you have tried this, and it is simply too much of a burden to bear.  Kudos for trying; but in this case, for your personal peace, you need to do something more.
2. When we have a problem with another person, discretion is a key ingredient to a healthy resolution.  Pr 25:9 says that we should bring our disagreements to the person directly.  Directly confronting the “elephant in the room” is the scariest approach, but often the best.  Privately and kindly telling your grandmother that your feelings are hurt when she criticizes your son gives her the opportunity to choose the high road and to reach a resolution that improves your relationship.  Discretion shows love; bitterness is shown through public displays of frustration.  She has been public with her words; you should be private with yours.
3. Whatever you do, don’t let her words poison your heart.  Regardless of how she reacts to your honest appeal, make the decision now that you won’t let bitterness become rooted in your heart (Heb 12:15).  Decide ahead of time that you will raise your son according to God’s teachings, and let that buoy you up when criticized.

Can you tell me something about generational curses?  Aren’t they a special kind of curse and not for everybody?

Sincerely,
Checking The Family Tree

Dear Checking The Family Tree,

Children pay for the choices their parents make.  People pay for the sins of those who have gone before.  If your father was an axe murderer, it would affect you, your children, maybe even your grandchildren (Ex 34:7)… but eventually he would be forgotten, and the consequences of his behavior would dissipate.  That is what the generational curse is – that children must live with the repercussions of their parents’ choices.  Everyone has baggage and troubles that are brought on them by the generations that have gone before.

However, every person has the God-given gift of free will (Matt 7:13-14).  In spite of what the generations before have done, we all have the ability to work out our own salvation and change our lives (Php 2:12).  Our physical lives are often dictated and controlled (at least partially) by the choices of those around us, most notably our parents, but the state of our soul is our own responsibility.  Each of us must seek God (Col 3:1) and serve Him regardless of what previous generations have done.

How does adultery affect a family?

Sincerely,
Damage Control

Dear Damage Control,

Adultery is devastating to a family.  Adultery breaks the vows of marriage and destroys the trust that God intended for marriage (1 Cor 6:16).  It is debilitating to the emotional well-being of the spouse that has been cheated on.  God said that marriage is meant to be built upon love and respect (Eph 5:33) – adultery decimates both of those.

Children grow up too fast in a home broken by adultery.  Children are products of the environment their parents create for them (Eph 6:1-4).  If a marriage is hurting, so are the children that are supposed to be protected by that marriage.  A family can survive after adultery, but the damage is deep, and the healing takes time.

My cousin committed suicide.  She had a chronic illness and was in great physical pain.  She did not believe in God.  Did she go to heaven or hell when she died?

Sincerely,
Crushed Cousin

Dear Crushed Cousin,

God is the judge of the living and the dead (1 Pet 4:5)… we cannot make the judgment on whether your cousin will go to heaven or hell, but we can say that she did things opposite of what the Bible teaches.  We are told to place our faith in God, and our trust and obedience in Him saves us (Jhn 3:16, Mk 16:16).  Suicide certainly is condemned.  Suicide is murder, self-murder, and is therefore very clearly a sin (Rev 21:8).  The only difference between suicide and murdering someone else is that you don’t get a chance to repent after suicide.  Suicide is a final decision and leaves no room for correction or for asking forgiveness.  It is a willful act of disobedience against God without opportunity for repentance.  The final judgment belongs to God (Heb 12:23), but we certainly wouldn’t want to face that judgment with our own blood on our hands.  Our hearts go out to you as you mourn the loss of your cousin.

Hello.  I am sort of a "beginner" christian, raised in a non-believer society and family.  Now my father, who is an unbeliever, is in a dying process.  He has been unconscious for several days now, and the doctors keep giving him twelve hours more at a time to live.  He keeps hanging on to the surprise of his doctors who (in their words) have not seen anything like this before.  That said, I have been praying to God that He would not let him die until he reaches salvation, knowing that at the last point of his consciousness he was an unbeliever.  I guess my question would be if it is possible for him to accept Jesus and receive salvation while in the dying state of unconsciousness and how could I help facilitate this (other than through prayer).

Sincerely,
Hopeful Child

Dear Hopeful Child,

Our hearts go out to you during this difficult time; nothing is harder than feeling helpless to do anything, and there isn’t anything you can do for your father’s relationship with God.  It is impossible to become a christian without a conscious, mature, and aware mind.  Becoming a christian involves repentance (Acts 3:19); ‘repentance’ means ‘to change your mind’… something that simply can’t be done while you are unconscious.  It involves confession (Lk 12:8-9).  Both of these things require an active and mature mind.  All faith is built upon hearing and understanding the Scriptures (Rom 10:17).  As long as your father is in the state he is in… all you can do is accept that he is in the hands of a loving and wise God.