I am a saved person and believe that Jesus died for my sins, and now I am saved and love my Lord.  I have been married to my husband for five years, and his children have treated me with hatred and contempt.  My husband is a christian, can lay on hands, and speak in tongues.  But instead of stopping their bad behavior, he lets them continue, and he says their behavior is my fault.  I do not smile or have joy, only if I'm in church.  My question is: can I commit suicide and still go to heaven?  Just can't take much more days of crying and hurt.

Sincerely,
Not A Wicked Stepmother

Dear Not A Wicked Stepmother,

Suicide is murder, self-murder, and is therefore very clearly a sin (Rev 21:8).  The only difference between suicide and murdering someone else is that you don’t get a chance to repent after suicide.  Suicide is a final decision and leaves no room for correction or for asking forgiveness.  Therefore, in most cases, it would be fair to say that suicide will send you to hell.  It is a willful act of disobedience against God without opportunity for repentance.

The only reason we here at AYP hesitate to say, “All people who commit suicide go to hell,” is because God never specifically makes that statement.  The final judgment belongs to God (Heb 12:23), but we certainly wouldn’t want to face that judgment with our own blood on our hands.

There is always a way of escape from the temptation to sin (1 Cor 10:13).  There are other options, and there is help.  If you'd like someone in your area to help you through your struggle and the conflicting messages you are receiving, we would be happy find a faithful congregation in your area to help bring you comfort and truth.  Please don't give up hope.

The Lord does provide relief through His Word (Acts 20:32).  From what you have said about speaking in tongues, laying on of hands, etc. – we fear that you may not be getting the full picture of what the Lord’s will is for His church and family (1 Tim 3:15).  We know of many preachers across the country ready and willing to help people like yourself come to a more complete understanding of the Lord’s ways.  E-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org if you would like a preacher from your area to contact you.

I was watching a History Channel documentary about God vs. Satan, and my dad asked me if I believed in all of that stuff like the rapture.  I said, “Yes.”  He said it was a bunch of garbage and asked my mom what she thought.  She thought it was made up, too.  This really disappointed me to find out that my parents are not true believers and don't believe everything in the Bible.  I am very sad.  What is the right thing to do?  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Disappointed Kid

Dear Disappointed Kid,

We don’t believe in the rapture either… but we do believe in everything the Bible says.  To clear up the misunderstanding about the Rapture, we recommend you read “Premillenialism” and “Tripping Over Tribulations”… if you want even more in-depth study on the subject, listen to our series on the book of Revelation.

However, that particular issue sounds like more of a side issue than your real problem.  If we understand you correctly, you are wondering what to do to try and bring the truth of God’s Word to your parents.

It is never easy to touch the hearts of our relatives; even Jesus said that He received respect everywhere but his hometown and household (Mk 6:4).  All you can do is let your light shine (Matt 5:16), be prepared with answers when questions are asked (1 Pet 3:15), and be unafraid to stand firm by your morals.  Jesus made a great impact as a child by asking humble questions at opportune moments (Lk 2:46).  Honor your parents and never be rude or disrespectful (Eph 6:2), but a kindly asked question about why they believe what they do can challenge their current worldview.

A couple of years back, I started working for a company that was directed by my mom's husband.  That's not my father; they divorced when I was younger.  My mom left my dad because of an affair with this other guy, and I grew up with my dad but spent plenty of holidays with mom and her husband.  Naturally, I got a little fond of them and their kids, but when I was older, I became aware of how it hurt my dad that I would want to spend time with them when I had the choice.  He never blamed me but told me a little about what he felt on occasion when the conversation covered certain things significantly related.  Anyway, now I've been working in the company for a while, and although I've had pressure to leave to honour my dad, I never left and instead asked other people what they thought.  They all said they didn't think it was dishonourable.  But recently, again, I've had the feeling that it was breaking one of God's commandments, and I heard the story of a Welsh revivalist (Evan Roberts, I think) whose messages were very simple, and one of the four points was to 'get rid of grey areas'. This is CERTAINLY a grey area for me, and I'm not at all sure whether I'm breaking the commandment or not, but, I feel that probably I am, so even if I am not sure about breaking the commandment or not, I AM SURE this is a grey area!  So... my question is, do you know of any Bible texts that can clarify how I can know if grey areas should really be addressed?  If you have any idea about the commandment and what you think is happening here, that would be great, too… I know my salvation is at stake here; please help.

Sincerely,
The Good Kid

Dear The Good Kid,

The Bible specifically addresses gray areas in Rom 14.  There are two major factors to consider in areas of opinion:

1. If what you are doing causes other christians to fall away or stumble, then you must stop (Rom 14:13) – this is not very applicable to your situation because nobody is going to fall away because you work for your stepfather.
2. It can't be something that bothers your conscience.  Rom 14:23 says "But he that doubts is condemned if he eats, because he eats not of faith; and whatsoever is not of faith is sin."  Working for your stepfather's company isn't a sin, and isn't necessarily dishonoring your biological father... but if you feel that it is wrong and inappropriate, you should quit.

Obviously, it is the second factor that is going to be the most difficult for you.  Anyone that tells you that working for your stepfather is doctrinally wrong is feeding you a line.  However, you must examine yourself and consider what you feel comfortable with.  Life is difficult because it is impossible to get rid of all gray areas.  It takes self-examination and wisdom to wade through those choices and discern between good and evil (Heb 5:14).

I don't like the person that my sister has become.  I have a hard time being around her and would prefer not to see her.  The problem is that my mother lives with me, and she would really like to see my sister.  Should I speak up or just grin and bear it?

Sincerely,
Sour Sis

Dear Sour Sis,

There may be a time for you to confront your sister if you feel she is living a sinful lifestyle (Matt 18:15).  However, you haven’t given us specific enough information to determine whether you are talking about sin or merely a personality conflict.  Remember that you can always be kind and generous to people… regardless of how they behave.  Jesus commends us to that kind of loving behavior (Matt 5:38-42).  Love is doing what is in someone’s best interest – love is a choice.  You can even love your enemies (Lk 6:35)… if you can do that, you certainly can love your sister.

     My dad has narcissistic characteristics and arrogant traits.  My whole family has tried to help him over the years, but part of this disorder involves the inability to recognize the problem.  He is also a preacher, and I've heard people from the congregations he visits preaching meetings say that he comes across as arrogant.  I'm very saddened by this situation and don't know what to do to help him.  Please help.

Sincerely,
A Humiliated Child

Dear A Humiliated Child,

Sadly, there isn’t a lot that you can do to help with someone else’s pride issues.  There is a reason that Pr 16:18 says that pride and arrogance lead to destruction and falling down… when you won’t listen to others, you are bound to get yourself into trouble.  Eccl 7:8 says that the patient man wins out against the proud.  That is the best advice we can give you.  If your father is a godly man, eventually, the pride will be removed through the Lord’s discipline (Heb 12:6-7) – give it time.  Humility most often comes through the school of hard knocks.