My mom is going through depression; she was just in a breakup with her boyfriend.  She wants a life, but she thinks by just praying, God will help her.  I told her He can if He wants, but God wants to see her do it on her own, and He's not going to help her if she's not going to do the footwork to get her life back.  Question is, was I wrong in telling her that? Because I need to get her back to being the mother and woman she was.

Sincerely,
Worried Child

Dear Worried Child,

God will bless your mother when she chooses to search after righteousness.  God says that He draws near to us when we draw near to Him (1 Jn 1:6-7).  Christ said that all who seek God should “ask, seek, and knock” if they want to receive God’s help (Matt 7:7).  God freely offers the gift of salvation to all mankind (Rom 6:23), but we have to want it and ask for it.  Jesus told all His disciples to take up their crosses and follow after Him (Matt 16:24).  We cannot live ungodly lives and expect God to bless us in those choices (Rom 6:1-2).  You are absolutely correct in telling your mother that God has expectations.

I was reading the book of Leviticus the other day when I realized that in the list of prohibited marriages, first cousins weren't included.  My question is then: is marrying your cousin a sin?  And if no, then why are most of us Christians appalled at such an act?

Sincerely,
Just Say No

Dear Just Say No,

It isn’t a sin to marry your first cousin.  In fact, it hasn’t even been culturally taboo for very long.  Even two or three generations ago, it was much more common to marry a first cousin.  Today, it is an odd thing to see a first cousin marriage, but it isn’t wrong.  We would even be hesitant to make the statement that, “most of us christians are appalled…” because we aren’t sure that statement is accurate.  Cultures change all the time, and this is a cultural issue, not a Biblical one.

A few people in my family (my aunt, her daughter, and my grandmother) were upset with my parents and decided to not invite them to the family Thanksgiving dinner where we draw names for Christmas, and they excluded my parents from the holidays that year.  My parents were really hurt because I joined in with what they did.  I told my mom I did nothing wrong; it wasn't my party; I did nothing wrong, but she said if I participate in something I know is not right, then I am also guilty of that wrongdoing.  Is she right?

Sincerely,
Innocent Bystander

Dear Innocent Bystander,

It sounds like your extended family is involved in a knock-down, drag-out fight… and you have chosen sides.  Your mother is right; when you participate in something, you are complicit.  Judas didn’t actually crucify Christ, but he led the mob right to Him (Lk 22:47-48).  We don’t know any of the details of your family situation (and don’t particularly need to), but what you did was choose sides.  Which side is right and which side is wrong isn’t the point – you aligned yourself with your extended family.

The Proverbs teach that getting in the middle of a battle that isn’t yours is like grabbing the ears of a dog… never a good idea (Pr 26:17).  You make it clear in your letter to us that this isn’t your fight.  If that is the case, stay completely out of it.  God calls us to seek and pursue peace (1 Pet 3:11).  We recommend you do exactly that.

I am an adult child, 21-years-old and still live at home while in school.  Do I still have to obey my parents and the rules of their home?  Why can't I do as I please?  I'm 21-years-old; aren't I old enough to make my own rules?

Sincerely,
All Grow’d Up

Dear All Grow’d Up,

You are definitely old enough to make your own rules – go ahead and move out; embrace your freedom!  Though it is natural for parents to provide more independence to their children as they age, total self-rule will only come when you leave your parents’ home and become self-sufficient.  It is akin to the statement about marriage: when a couple “leaves and cleaves”, they are their own family unit (Matt 19:5).  Though you aren’t pursuing marriage, the same principle applies.  Leave the house and start your own home if you want to dictate your own rules.  You have a responsibility to honor your parents for the gift of free rent, food, etc. – not to mention the gift of life they gave you (Lk 18:20).

The transition from child to adulthood is always a strain upon the parent/child relationship.  The Scriptures promise that if you are careful with how you treat your parents in this transitional time, you will be blessed (Eph 6:2-3).

How do I help my family to forgive me when they see the way I used to be?  They think I’m just using God, but I’m not.  I asked Jesus to come into my life and forgive me of my sins.

Sincerely,
A Different Me

Dear A Different Me,

Forgiveness comes easier to God than it does to humans (Ps 86:5).  Family members have an especially hard time accepting change in their relatives.  Jesus said it best when He told His hometown and relatives that, “a prophet is not without honor, save in his own country, and among his own kin, and in his own house” (Mk 6:4).  It will always take longer for relatives to let go of old wounds and heal.  As the old saying goes: time heals all wounds.

Continue to take the steps to serve God.  We recommend you read through various articles in the Salvation Category (especially articles like “What Must I Do To Be Saved”).  Hopefully, these will help you as you move forward.  Let your light shine (Matt 5:16), and over time, your family will see the differences and come to accept the new you.