I understand the limited responsibility of the local church in regard to benevolence.  My concern is this: our preacher has been presenting lessons about how we should be helping out the poor and that the Bible commands it.  The problem is:

1. I'm not exactly rich; in fact, I'm barely making ends meet.  But now I'm feeling sort of guilty after these sermons.
2. If I try to help the needy, how do I do it?  I mean, do I go out and try to find a poor person or give to the guy standing on the corner with a "Please Help Me Feed My Kids" sign?

I am a single woman with no retirement plan, no medical insurance, and a job that is "on call" and lucky if I get in a 32-hour work week.  I know our idea of poverty in this country doesn't come close to real poverty faced in other nations, but I'm feeling pretty strapped right now.  How do I fulfill my Christian responsibility to help the needy like our preacher says we should?

Sincerely,
Times Are Tight

Dear Times Are Tight,

In order to fulfill the command to help the poor, we must have both means and opportunity.  2 Cor 8:12 tells us that God only holds us accountable for what we are physically able to do.  You can’t give millions of dollars to charity if you don’t have millions of dollars to give!  So take comfort; God doesn’t expect you to give beyond your capabilities.

In fact, the story of the widow and the mites in Lk 21:1-4 makes it clear that amount isn’t important to God, but effort is.  As opportunities arise in your life to help those who are in need (needs can be physical, financial, emotional, etc.) – fulfill them.  After all, Jesus said that even a cup of cold water counts when it comes to helping His service (Matt 10:42).

    What is the biblically appropriate thing for a Christian to do if they should commit a crime?  Shouldn't they turn themselves in and "do the time"?  Should they ever plead innocent and try to get off if they are truly guilty?

Sincerely,
Nothing But The Truth

Dear Nothing But The Truth,

One of the most basic teachings of the Bible is that lying is wrong (Col 3:9).  It is better to suffer than to be a liar (Pr 19:22).  Christians should love the truth… and loving the truth includes speaking the truth (Eph 4:15).  If a Christian has committed a crime, they must own that sin and own the consequences as well.

     What is considered a sin if you are not married?

Sincerely,
Not Married

Dear Not Married,

There is a difference between romantic acts and sexual acts… and sexual acts are for marriage only.  There is a line between a gentle kiss of affection and a lustful kiss of sexual appetite.  Until marriage, it is important to avoid lustful situations altogether.  Paul told Timothy to “flee youthful lusts” (2 Tim 2:22), and 1 Thess 4:5 warns against the “passions of lust”.  The godly thing to do is to not defile the beauty of the marriage bed (Heb 13:4) by jumping into lustful activities before “‘til death do us part”.  There is much disagreement over where to draw the line when still dating, but the principle is that lust should be restrained so that godly affection might grow.

     Hello, I just really need some major advice if you could, please.  My family (mom, dad, sister, brother and I) is always fighting.  It's beginning to take a huge toll on all of us, and it's becoming all we do.  I don't want us to be that way, but I don't know what to do to stop it.  I pray that everyone will start being happier with everyone, that everyone will stop fighting and just get along and enjoy our time together.  My parents fight a lot, and I'm just worried that it's going to tear this family apart.  Do you know anything I can do or say to stop this?

I feel like I'm about to have a mental breakdown.  I really do.  Everything is just getting to me, and I have no friends at all (I know God and Jesus Christ love me, but I mean, like, people around me).  Everyone just thinks of me as a loser or something.  I want to be needed and to be someone's best friend.  I know this all probably sounds crazy or just a rant, but I just needed to talk to someone that would personally read and answer me.  I'm trying to make friends.  I'm just afraid that I'm supposed to be alone and friendless all my life.  Please help any way possible; a prayer for my family and I would be greatly appreciated!  Thank you for taking the time to read this, and again, I'm sorry.  God bless.

Sincerely,
Hurting

Dear Hurting,

First of all, you are in our prayers.  Fighting within a family is so painful for a child; at least one of our AYP writers knows that first hand.  Perhaps the most painful part is the feeling of helplessness that the children are left with.  There isn’t anything you can say to fix it, and that is what hurts.  We wish we could tell you that there is an easy solution, and if you step in and get involved, it will change everything, but that isn’t true.  Sometimes, getting involved can make things worse.  Pr 26:17 says that getting in the middle of someone else’s disagreement is like grabbing a dog’s ears.  You’ll get bitten every time.  Just because you feel you have the solution and see the situation clearer than your parents doesn’t mean that they would be receptive to hearing it.  The most likely scenario is that you would add fuel to an already burning fire.

Another thing to consider is that your advice isn’t likely to be accepted by either parent because you are their child.  Jesus said that a prophet has respect except amongst his own family and in his own house (Mk 6:4).  Time has not made you equals with your parents, and you aren’t in a position to help them – it just isn’t the way life works.  This doesn’t mean you are wrong or that you are seeing things incorrectly – it just means they won’t listen because you are the child, and they are the parents.  Whether or not you are correct is irrelevant.

But all of this doesn’t mean there isn’t anything you can do.  Jesus’ preaching didn’t affect His family, but His lifestyle did.  Multiple times in the Bible it says that Mary saw Jesus’ behavior and “treasured these things in her heart” (Lk 2:19, Lk 2:51).  Jesus’ example made a lasting impact upon His family.  When you see your parents fighting, calmly walk away.  If they ask why – tell them it hurts you.  When you have a chance to show respect to your father and love to your mother, do it.  As parents, we can tell you that mothers and fathers notice these acts of selflessness and maturity in our children more than they ever know.  Many parents have become better people because of the example of their children.  You can’t preach to them, but you can live a sermon every day.  And most of all, remember that regardless of what your parent’s marriage looks like, it isn’t your fault, and it isn’t your burden.  You are only responsible for you, and someday, if you get married, you can apply the lessons you are learning now to change your family tree, so your children don’t need to feel the way you are feeling now.

[This question is in response to “Feminine Ways”]

How do you view Deborah in the Bible?  How do you explain why God mentions her at all?  She judged both men and women in Israel.  I'm not convinced that God will be boxed in to whom He can use at any given time.  God Bless.

Sincerely,
Thinking Outside the Box

Dear Thinking Outside the Box,

The only rules God is “boxed in” by are His own.  The Bible is full of women that taught and shared God’s wisdom… Deborah is just one example of them.  Miriam, Moses and Aaron’s sister, was a prophetess (Ex 15:20), and so were Philip’s four daughters (Acts 21:8-9).  The problem is not with women teaching; it is the venue in which they do it.

We didn’t make 1 Cor 14:34 and 1 Tim 2:12 – those are God’s laws, not ours.  We also didn’t make the qualifications that an elder be a man – the Lord authored Tit 1:5-9 and 1 Tim 3:1-7.  The qualifications for an elder restrict women from being pastors, but it also forbids young men, unmarried men, and those without children.  It isn’t a matter of the value of people; it is a matter of what God’s law says.