Here lately, I’ve been getting really angered by the gestures and things said by certain people.  I’m trying to become a man of God and follow Him and give Him my heart, but I feel like my anger is slowing me down.  Maybe you could give me some advice and/or Bible verses?

Sincerely,
Slow Burn

Dear Slow Burn,

Bitterness and anger are such easy things to slip into, and many a christian has been destroyed by their frustration with sin and the world’s ways.  It is a dark world, and it can be discouraging and overwhelming at times.  The solution is to view the world the way Jesus did – with compassion.  When Jesus looked upon the city of Jerusalem, He wept over their faults and pitied their fate (Lk 19:41, Matt 23:37).  Jesus viewed the world as being full of people that needed a Savior (Jhn 4:35) and rejoiced over every lamb He could rescue (Lk 15:4-7).  Christians live in hope of eternity with God (2 Tim 4:8), and that hope is our anchor (Heb 6:19).  Allow your love of the Lord and your love for your fellow man to strengthen you through this life (Mk 12:29-31).  Your future is bright – have compassion on others, and maybe you might be able to brighten their futures as well.

     Three years after my wife and I got married, she had an affair and got pregnant.  I stayed with her even though I had some struggles accepting the fact she cheated on me.  I accepted the baby because I am unable to have children.  It was our only child.  Our son recently was killed on a motorcycle through no fault of his own.  He was thirty-five years old.  My wife and I divorced twenty-two years ago, but we are still friends.  My question is: even though he was a great son and a church-going person with his wife who is sixteen weeks pregnant, is my son considered to be an illegitimate child to where he can't enter into the Lord’s congregation?  I accepted him as my son, but I can't get this off my mind.  Could you give me an answer, so I can clear my mind?  I love my son more than I can explain, but I am so confused from what I read.  Like I said, he was a church-going person and never gave anyone any problems.

Sincerely,
Mourning Father

Dear Mourning Father,

We are so sorry for your loss.  What a devastating time for your family.  Let us give you one comfort – your son is not responsible for the choices that others made that led to his conception.  God very specifically says that each person is responsible for their own sins.  The entire chapter of Ezekiel 18 deals with this issue.  God’s conclusion is that a son can choose his own path regardless of what his parents chose (Ezek 18:20).  Each of us works out our own salvation before God (Php 2:12).  Your son is not barred from heaven because of his mother’s past.  His commitment to Christ will define him on that great Day of Judgment.

     This might seem like a stupid question, but I have always wondered when I get to heaven, will I still be a man?  Is there still a gender difference in heaven?  Or is everyone just spiritual with no gender distinction?

Sincerely,
Male

Dear Male,

Both men’s and women’s spirits are equally made in God’s image (Gen 1:27), which leans toward an understanding that we are neither male nor female in heaven once we shed our physical bodies.  Also, Jesus’ statement that there is no marriage in heaven seems to point out that there is no gender difference in heaven (Mk 12:25).  Lastly, Gal 3:28 states that we are neither male nor female in Christ.  Overall, the Bible paints a picture that gender probably isn’t a part of our life in heaven.

      Any advice on dating a Baptist preacher?  He’s a widower, and I’m a divorcee.

Sincerely,
Divorcee

Dear Divorcee,

Though all things are possible through Christ, someone who has dedicated their life to a religious denomination that follows tradition over truth would have a difficult road to conversion, and it is well worth talking about the differences upfront.  We recommend you read our post, “Baptist Bewilderment”, and have a discussion with him about the various Baptist teachings that don’t match Scripture before you press forward with your relationship.  You never know; maybe, just maybe, he has never considered these problems before.  With an honest heart, anyone can come to Christ.

     I made a horrible decision when I was eighteen.  I had an abortion even though I knew with every bit of my being that it was wrong.  I was weak, and I made a decision that has sickened me ever since.  The Bible says God will forgive anything if you are truly remorseful, and I am saved and have been baptized, but I struggle with the notion that I do not, and probably will never, feel like I am truly forgiven.  Maybe it's the fact that I am so horrified by what I did that I know I deserve hell.  I'm assuming I will feel that way for the rest of my life and rightfully so.  I'm scared of God's wrath and of hell's fire so much that I have an irrational fear of dying and facing God only to be turned away.  I don't want to seem like I have no faith in God's boundless mercy, but can I ever forgive myself?  Should I even forgive myself?  I just would like your opinion; I am too close to my preacher to bring it up; I'm so ashamed.  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Tortured

Dear Tortured,

What you are asking is one of the most difficult things in life ­– forgiving yourself.  Like all things, God is better at forgiveness than we are.  Many people hold on to the guilt and shame of sin far too keenly – you are not alone in this struggle.  God tells us that there are several things to remember:

1. Even if your heart condemns you, God keeps His promises.  On the Judgment Day, we will be judged by God’s standards, not whether or not we feel worthy (1 Jn 3:20).
2. We can reassure our own hearts that we have been forgiven when we study and live by the truth of the Bible (1 Jn 3:18-20).  The more we immerse ourselves in God’s teachings, the quicker we begin to realize that forgiveness isn’t about being worthy… but about having faith in the mercy of God.
3. Another way to look at your problem is to remember that saying, “I can’t believe God will forgive me” is the same as saying, “I don’t believe that Jesus’ sacrifice was enough”.  That may sound harsh, but our forgiveness is based upon Jesus’ blood (Col 2:14).  It is an act of faith in Jesus to accept our own forgiveness.

All in all, self-forgiveness takes time… just like all areas of growth.