I've seen good examples in many Christian marriages in my congregation, and I think to myself, "Maybe I can find a wife like that and have a marriage as excellent as theirs.”  But later, I've learned how I am when I interact with women.  I've lessened my communication with women of the world by only sharing the Gospel with them and only with a sister with me.  But with the sisters in the church, I've learned of their characters, which I cannot endure.  I've seen this in sisters from my congregation and other congregations just by being in their presence and holding a conversation with them.  I've been told that it will take time for their characters to become noble, but it’s as if they're unwilling to let God build them into the women He wants them to be.  I have no mold for a woman, and I've learned that it is impossible to uphold a relationship with a woman who is in the church but refuses to be godly.  Now I'm at the point where I've decided to remain single and not find a mate due to the fact that there are unwilling, unrepentant sisters with immature souls unwilling at heart to become a helpmeet.  As a man who has decided to remain single, how can I, a Christian man, live a single life in a world filled with so much temptation?

Sincerely,
Man Of Maturity

Dear Man Of Maturity,

Up front, we’d like to say that your opinion of Christian women is far too low.  You either are hanging out around the wrong people, or you are seriously underestimating the greatness of godly women.  Having said that, Jesus answered your question about how a man can live a single life.  When Jesus’ disciples told Him that the best thing to do is to remain unmarried, Jesus answered by saying, “Not all men can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given.” (Matt 19:10-12)
Most men are built for marriage and aren’t designed to live their entire lives single.  If you aren’t able to comfortably live a single life faithfully to God, then God’s protection against fornication is for you to seek marriage (1 Cor 7:1-2).  However, in order for that to happen, you are going to need to start raising your opinion of women and, most likely, be a little more honest with your own shortcomings.

     Should I continue to attend a church that I don't believe is teaching the right things even though my husband is a member there?

Sincerely,
Wondering Wife

Dear Wondering Wife,

Though the Bible says to respect your husband (Eph 5:33), that respect is in subordination to the Lord.  It is important to obey God before man (Acts 5:29).  We must each work out our own salvation with fear and trembling (Php 2:12).  Solomon made the mistake of honoring his wives before God, and he lost everything because of it (1 Kg 11:4).  If the church you are currently attending is not faithful to God’s Word, you must choose a faithful church over your husband.

     My twenty-eight-year-old daughter was murdered over six years ago, and my only daughter left was thirty-two when she committed suicide five months ago.  I was saved and water baptized in 1982; over the years, I haven’t lived the spiritual life I should have.  I have prayed and repented, and it seems like God has forsaken me.  I don’t know what to do.  How do I get back to God and let go of the past?  I would appreciate if you could help me.

Sincerely,
Grieving

Dear Grieving,

We cannot imagine the pain that you are in and the trials that you have seen.  The loss of a child is a devastation that only those who have experienced it can truly understand.  In this world of sin, unmentionable things happen.  Ever since Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden, death, pain, and suffering have become a regular part of our world (Gen 2:17, Rom 5:12).
So what can we do?  God doesn’t desire to forsake us… in fact, He says that if we trust in Him, we will always have Him with us.  A life with God in it isn’t free from trials, but you have hope that heaven awaits.  You mentioned that you haven’t lived the life you know you should have.  Jas 4:8 says, “Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.”  God is ready to forgive you and bring you comfort through your deep sorrow, but you have to reach out to Him.  A large part of that is by going to services and attaching yourself to a faithful church (Heb 10:24-25).  We would love to help you get in touch with a faithful congregation near you that could support you and help you draw near to God again.

     My question is one that has been bothering me a lot lately.  I am married and totally in love with my husband.  He is so wonderful to me, and he is a strong spiritual leader for me.  He is everything (and more) that I prayed and asked God for.  But, on occasion, the thought of divorce crosses my mind.  I don't know why it comes into my mind.  I don't want that for my life; when I made my vows to my husband, I didn't make them lightly… not to mention I am so happy and couldn't imagine my life without him.  Now what has been concerning me is in Matt 5:21-30, we are taught that even thinking about sinning (which from my understanding, divorce is a sin unless there has been unfaithfulness in the marriage) can be dangerous for our souls.  I am concerned that because the thought of divorce pops in to my head once and a while that my soul is in danger.  Even though I have no intention of ever acting on that thought, I want to live a happy and long life with my husband.  Do you think that my soul is in danger?  Thank you for your feedback and the work you do.

Sincerely,
Totally in Love

Dear Totally In Love,

Dwelling upon evil desires is sinful (such as lusting after a woman – Matt 5:28), but a thought popping into your head is not the same as dwelling upon evil.

You don’t have complete control over what thoughts come into your mind (this is also true of emotions), but you do have control over what you do with those thoughts.  As a simple example, if someone says the word ‘dog’, you will immediately think of a dog.  Whether you want to or not!  (In fact, you are thinking about dogs right now.)  Jas 1:13-15 points out that sin occurs when we allow our thoughts to dwell upon sinful behavior until we actually act upon them.  Merely having the thought pop into your mind is not the same as dwelling upon it.  You are obviously happily married, have no desire to divorce, and as long as you continue to shove the thought out of your mind as you are doing right now, you aren’t sinning at all.

I have been invited to go out with a female friend who is involved in a gay relationship with another lady; should I avoid these social interactions, or should I go out with them?

Sincerely,
Keeping Company

Dear Keeping Company,

Jesus used to eat with those who were living immoral lives, and the Pharisees condemned Him for it, but Jesus simply said, “They that are whole have no need of a physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.” (Mk 2:16-17)  Jesus spent His life trying to save sinners from hell… and the only way to do that is to spend time with them.
Going to dinner with an unbeliever, whatever their sins, isn’t wrong.  If you are living as a good example to them, and standing firm in your own morals, then you can make a difference.  The only time you should be worried is when you find they are changing you more than you are changing them (1 Cor 15:33).  Otherwise, let your light shine (Matt 5:16).