I am the only Christian in my family and among most of my friends. I feel like I have a responsibility to let the ones I love know about God's Word, but I don't know how to do it without pushing it or feeling like an annoyance. The thought that my friends and family aren't going to heaven because I didn't bring it up breaks my heart. I also don't know how to tell them that Christ's church is different from other churches.

Sincerely, Letting My Light Shine

Dear Letting My Light Shine,

With some relationships, there isn’t much you can say; it is how you live that makes the impact. Even Jesus had struggles converting His family. His brothers initially mocked him for His teachings (Jhn 7:3-5). Jesus didn’t argue with them; He just kept on being Himself, and eventually his brother James, his brother Jude, and his mother are recorded as having been converted.

The problem with family is that they have seen you at your youngest and most immature. Your words don’t have the same impact with a parent that has changed your diapers. No matter how logical and right you might be, all they can think is, “This is my child” or “This is my kid brother/sister”. Jesus said that even a prophet doesn’t have respect in his hometown (Lk 4:24). Those who knew you before you became a christian will be very skeptical of anything you say. They will need to see the change in your life first.

Converting your family is very similar to converting a spouse. God says that if you have an unbelieving husband or wife, you should live with them and let your influence do the talking (1 Cor 7:12-16). Never compromise your morals and always stand up for what you believe in, but don’t force it upon them. Let time and influence do the work.

As for telling them the differences between Christ’s church and other churches? Your life, convictions, and consistency will show the difference. Remember, your loved ones know you better than anyone – they are watching to see if this new person you say you are is the real deal. You know it, and over time they will to.

Paul told the first century christians in Rome, Corinth, and Thessalonica to greet each other with a “holy kiss” (Rom 16:16, 1 Cor 16:20, 2 Cor 13:12, 1 Thess 5:26).  Is this a command applicable to all christians in all eras?  I don’t see anyone observing this practice today.

When studying God’s word, how do we differentiate among commands, suggestions, traditions, and cultural issues that don’t apply to us today?

Sincerely, Never Been (Holy) Kissed

Dear Never Been (Holy) Kissed,

Your radar is correct in thinking that the ‘kiss’ part of the command is cultural. Just like modern Europeans, a kiss upon the cheek was a normal greeting for the people of the East. The key is that Paul was instructing them to greet one another with a HOLY kiss. Holy means ‘pure’, ‘sanctified’, ‘godly’. Their greetings to one another were to be pure and sincere… a greeting for brothers and friends. This is why the command for a holy kiss is preceded by Paul’s instruction to the Corinthians to be of one mind and to live in peace with each other (2 Cor 13:11-12). A modern equivalent would be to tell the christians to greet one another with a holy handshake or a holy hug – those being the typical greetings of our modern American era.

The bigger issue that you bring up is how to differentiate among cultural traditions, suggestions, and commands of God. In general, context becomes the guide for this.

A suggestion will be stated as a suggestion, like when Paul explained the pros and cons of marriage (1 Cor 7:32-38). If in doubt, treat Bible teachings as commands unless they are explicitly stated as matters of suggestion or opinion.

Cultural traditions typically stand out by the context as well – although having a historical perspective tends to help. Some examples of cultural issues are:

1. Kissing as a greeting
2. The church meeting in the upper room (all houses were designed with a large upstairs open-air porch)
3. Washing of feet (a gesture of service done to guests as they entered a house because their feet were dirty from wearing sandals)

All three of these examples can be placed under the category of culture and not command. An understanding of the first century world helps to illuminate what was and wasn’t commanded by God. If the practice was a common one for all people of the day (i.e. kissing, feet washing, large groups meeting upstairs), then it makes sense that God wasn’t commanding them to do something that everyone already did!

I have a question about a man having more than one wife.  I know that in our culture it is something that is looked upon with disdain, but in other cultures it is an accepted practice.  I don’t want to add anything or take anything away from the Word of God, but how much of this issue is cultural, and how much is biblical? I know that in the Old Testament, God speaks to Adam and Eve and says the two shall become one flesh, but all throughout the Old Testament there are cases of a man having more than one wife. For example, David had many wives, and he was a man after God’s own heart.  If monogamous marriage was a commandment, all those people in the Old Testament sinned by having more than one wife.  I just don’t see God giving a commandment and then just letting man break it. In the New Testament, the qualification for elders is used to show that a man can’t have more than one wife; however, that is specifically for a man who is in that position, and there are qualifications listed that don’t apply to a non-elder Christian (like having believing children).  Also, I am sure there were first century conversions of men who have more than one wife, and if it is a commandment, then they would have had to divorce all but their first wife. I know that because it is viewed as wrong by our culture that, even if we can do it, we shouldn’t have more than one wife.  I also know that a guy would have to be crazy to want to deal with more than one wife and the conflict between the wives.  All I am concerned with is if it is a biblical commandment or a cultural restraint.

Sincerely, Vowing To Learn

Dear Vowing To Learn,

Polygamy is never expressly condemned in the Bible.  It is also never treated as the standard... but as the exception. There are scores of examples of monogamy being God’s preference for man:

1. Adam & Eve were designed monogamously (Gen. 2:24)
2. No polygamy existed until 7 generations after Adam (Gen 4:19)
3. Noah, the last righteous man of his day, had only one wife (Gen 7:13)
4. Qualification for an elder (Tit 1:6)
5. Qualification for a deacon (1 Tim 3:12)
6. Qualification for a worthy widow (1 Tim 5:9)
7. Every New Testament command for a husband or wife assumes monogamy in the commandments. (Mk 10:12, 1 Cor 7:3, Eph 5:33, etc.)
8. The comparison of Christ and the church to a husband and wife relies on a monogamous design for marriage (Eph 5:22-23)
9. God clearly states it as His design for marriage in the New Testament (1 Cor 7:2)

On the same hand, there are multiple examples of the pitfalls of polygamy:

1. Sarah and Hagar fought (Gen 16:4)
2. Rachel and Leah fought over Jacob (Gen 29:30-31)
3. Hannah and Penninah’s rivalry (1 Sam 1:2-6)
4. Solomon’s idolatrous wives (1 Kings 11:4)

Our problem is that God never specifically condemns these men for their polygamy. It is that silence on this particular issue that gives us the greatest consternation. However, we must remember that silence on a particular issue is not the same as God’s approval of the behavior. Everyone can agree that the Scriptures overwhelmingly approve of and allow monogamy while the evidence for polygamy is suspect at best.

We now enter into the issue of opinion, and anything we say must be left in that realm. My opinion is that if a man had multiple wives before obeying the gospel, he would not be required to divorce any of them. However, once someone becomes a christian, they are commanded by God to only seek out one spouse for a lifetime (1 Cor 7:2).

What is the mission of the Church?  I know we can look at what the Church does or does not do in the New Testament, but are there specific verses that point to exactly what the Church should be doing?

Sincerely, Working It Out

Dear Working It Out,

The clearest verse on the subject of the church’s purpose is in the book of Ephesians. Eph 4:12-16 points out that the church was designed, so that the saints would be ‘perfected’, for the ‘work of the ministry’, and for the ‘edifying (building up) of the body of Christ’.

The church of the New Testament is supposed to help prepare christians to be better christians by filling their minds with God’s Word. We see many examples of the church being busy with this kind of teaching and learning (Acts 2:42, Col 3:16). This is how christians are perfected (Col 1:28).

The church is also to be busy about the ‘work of ministry’ – preaching to the lost. Christ said He came to save sinners (1 Tim 1:15). One of His last commands to His apostles was to preach to the lost (Matt 28:18-20). Every congregation must be actively attempting to teach the Word of God to those who don’t understand it.

After preaching to the lost and teaching the saved, the only other work that we see an example of is caring for needy christians. Paul told Timothy there was a time to help out poor widowed christians (1 Tim 5:9-10). We also see the church in Jerusalem doing this (Acts 4:34-35).

The reality is that a local congregation’s work has always been very simple:

1. Teach the saved.
2. Preach to the lost.
3. When necessary, care for needy christians.

Is salvation by faith alone, or faith plus works, or just works?

 

Sincerely,
Faithfully Worked Up

Dear Faithfully Worked Up,

The Scriptures clearly say we are saved by faith (Heb 10:39), but they also clearly say that we are saved by hope (Rom 8:24), endurance (Matt 24:13), calling on the name of the Lord (Acts 2:21), confessing Christ (Rom 10:9), the gospel (1 Cor 15:1-2), and baptism (1 Pet 3:21)... just to name a few.  All of these conditions are requirements of salvation.  We cannot cherry-pick what conditions we like or do not like.

Jas 2:14-21 explicitly states the importance of working for Christ.  The work James is talking about isn't about earning salvation - but about loyal service to Christ.  God expects us to bear fruit for Him (Jhn 15:8), work to grow (1 Pet 2:2), and keep His commandments (Jhn 15:14).  Like a transmission and an engine in a car - faith and works function together and need each other.