I would like to know when I will get married, and will it be with the guy I want to marry?

Sincerely,
Bride-To-Be?

Dear Bride-To-Be,

We are just men here at AYP and not prophets.  We can’t tell you the specifics of your life and future.  However, we can give you some principles for how to look for a spouse.  Read “Set A Date” in our archives for some of the Bible teachings on finding a spouse.

     My boyfriend and I started off the wrong way by living together before marriage.  We have taken that back a hundred fold, and we no longer live together.  However, after a year of living apart, it is extremely hard now!  We are struggling very badly right now.  He says I am not on the same spiritual level as him… though I am a believer in Jesus and the Word!  I am not, however, focused nearly as much as him in the Word.  He said he will not be unequally yoked again.  Because we argue still about me wanting him to spend more time with me and the kids, I am pulling him away from constantly being in the Word.  Am I supposed to forget life because he says there is nothing else to talk about?  Is it all about God, and we are only supposed to talk about Him?  Am I not supposed to talk about our future as a married couple or what our wedding will entail?  Now, because I am not 120% focused on just God, we are unequally yoked.  Is that true?  Am I wrong because I still desire to live life and talk about baseball and what the kids did at school and everything that life involves?  Am I really supposed to be so focused on God I forget all that is around me?  And if I am supposed to... how do I?  I love God, and I am so grateful for Jesus, and I study and learn more everyday.  I am very confused.  Are my boyfriend and I unequally yoked to the point that we should not be together any more?

Sincerely,
Confused

Dear Confused,

First of all, good for you for making changes in your lives and no longer living together before marriage.  You did the right thing, and though it is hard, remember how pleased God is with your choice (Lk 15:7)!

Now let’s deal with the “unequally yoked” issue.  The verse that talks about being unequally yoked is 2 Cor 6:14, and it is dealing with a believer being connected to an unbeliever – from what you have said, that is not your situation.  A ‘yoke’ is a ‘harness used to tie oxen together, so that they can pull a plow or cart’.  When God tells us not to be “unequally yoked” to an unbeliever, He is warning us not to put ourselves in a position where we are committed and tied to someone who doesn’t share our values.  The most poignant example of this is marriage.  If two oxen are yoked but they are pulling in opposite directions – disastrous things happen.

In your case, you both care about the Lord, but he seems convinced that caring about the Lord means that you neglect all other things.  God tells us the opposite.  If you two eventually get married, God says that married people must divide their time between caring for the Lord’s work and caring for each other’s needs and future (1 Cor 7:32-34).  This is a concept that your boyfriend isn’t grasping.  Show him 1 Cor 7:32-34, and then see what He says about “dividing” his time.

    My wife and I have been working out some problems, but there’s one problem we can’t agree on… money.  My wife believes if you have money, spend it.  I try to manage and balance my money; she tells me that I’m worshiping money.  Is it wrong to manage finances?

Sincerely,
Counting My Pennies

Dear Counting My Pennies,

It is possible to spend too much, and it is possible to save too much.  Saving money is not a bad thing, but falling in love with money and hoarding it is.  God tells us that Christians should be good stewards of whatever He gives us… and that includes money (1 Pet 4:10).  Jesus gives the parable of the talents and uses the example of men saving and investing as a positive example (Matt 25:14-30).  The Proverbs mention the industrious ant as an example of preparing and saving (Pr 6:6-8).  If we are careful and smart with money, that makes God happy… unless we begin to worship that money.

Greed (Pr 1:19), covetousness (Col 3:5), and the love of money (1 Tim 6:10) are always sins.  It is a good thing to save for the future as long as we are content with whatever the Lord has given us (Heb 13:5).

      I have relationship problems.  My girlfriend keeps leaving me while I'm at work.  We’ve been together for five years, and every now and then, she gets really bothered and gets distant and treats me like a total stranger and leaves for her sister’s.  Her sister is no help; she compounds the problems in my girlfriend’s head, so she will leave and be with her.  My girlfriend has mental issues; she’s paranoid schizophrenic, and she’s really impressionable.  When she leaves with our son, I have no way to contact her, and I’m really anxious and freaked out.  I don’t think our problems are any worse than anybody else’s.  We’ve had our problems; she’s had drug problems and cheated on me.  The most I’ve done is talk to people on the internet because I feel so alone sometimes when she ignores me.

I’m so lost, and I miss my son, and I know he’s so confused.  What do I do?  Her sister keeps quoting scriptures to me through Facebook and telling my girlfriend that I’m some evil person she shouldn’t be with.

Sincerely,
Not Evil

Dear Not Evil,

From what you are saying, you and your girlfriend aren't married but are living and sleeping together – this is why your son is confused.  Sin has a way of destroying our lives and tearing us apart.  You are sinning by living and sleeping together without being married.  God designed those things for marriage only (Gen 2:24).  You both need to make a decision: either commit to a life together and get married or stop sinning and separate yourselves.  Nothing will get better until you do that.

     I am a Christian, and I have an old friend who is an atheist.  My friend has been married for seventeen years and last summer came close to a divorce after his wife discovered that he was having an affair.  They have since reconciled but have sought no counseling.  I have even suggested they begin this new chapter in their lives by joining a church.  This suggestion was laughed off.  He and his wife along with my wife and me are going on vacation together in three weeks.  We live 900 miles apart from one another.

 

Now that you have the background, here's the question.  Yesterday, he asked me to renew his wife's and his vows on the beach!  My knee-jerk response was, "No, I can't do that.  You need a preacher!"  He responded by saying that he doesn't need a preacher, and he just needs someone to do the vows, and who better than his old best friend?  Something is nagging at me.  First of all, I don't think they have taken the right steps to ensure a solid marriage going forward, but there seems to be more bothering me.  Is there something wrong with a Christian renewing the vows of a couple who are not Christians?  Is there something wrong with someone other than a preacher renewing a married couple’s vows?  Thank you.

Sincerely,
An Old Friend

Dear An Old Friend,

No, there isn't anything wrong with you helping them renew their vows – after all, they aren't officially getting married; they did that seventeen years ago.  This is just a couple trying to reconcile and re-embrace a healthy marriage.  God says that marriage is to be held in honor by all (Heb 13:4).  It isn't a sin for you to help any married couple try and renew a sense of honor in their marriage.