I have a wife who is faithful to me.  She does not know about my secret relationship.  I also have a girlfriend who loves me, and I love her (she knows my situation).  She cannot keep going on like this in a part-time relationship.  Frankly, neither can I.  I have to make a decision to be with one or the other.  We (girlfriend and I) want to live right before God.  Can I leave my faithful wife, choose my girlfriend, and still live right before the Lord?  What would we gain?  What would we lose?  What must we do to make it right before God?

Sincerely,
Got To Choose

Dear Got To Choose,

No, unequivocally no!  You cannot leave your wife to start a new life with your girlfriend.  Marriage was designed by God to be monogamous, and the marriage bed should be undefiled (Gen 2:24, Heb 13:4).  What you are doing is wrong.  You are fornicating, defiling your marriage, and destroying this other woman’s life as well.

The only faithful way out of this sin is to break off your relationship with your mistress, flee fornication (1 Cor 6:18), and start being faithful to your already faithful wife.

    I've seen good examples in many Christian marriages in my congregation, and I think to myself, "Maybe I can find a wife like that and have a marriage as excellent as theirs.”  But later, I've learned how I am when I interact with women.  I've lessened my communication with women of the world by only sharing the Gospel with them and only with a sister with me.  But with the sisters in the church, I've learned of their characters, which I cannot endure.  I've seen this in sisters from my congregation and other congregations just by being in their presence and holding a conversation with them.  I've been told that it will take time for their characters to become noble, but it’s as if they're unwilling to let God build them into the women He wants them to be.  I have no mold for a woman, and I've learned that it is impossible to uphold a relationship with a woman who is in the church but refuses to be godly.  Now I'm at the point where I've decided to remain single and not find a mate due to the fact that there are unwilling, unrepentant sisters with immature souls unwilling at heart to become a helpmeet.  As a man who has decided to remain single, how can I, a Christian man, live a single life in a world filled with so much temptation?

Sincerely,
Man Of Maturity

Dear Man Of Maturity,

Up front, we’d like to say that your opinion of Christian women is far too low.  You either are hanging out around the wrong people, or you are seriously underestimating the greatness of godly women.  Having said that, Jesus answered your question about how a man can live a single life.  When Jesus’ disciples told Him that the best thing to do is to remain unmarried, Jesus answered by saying, “Not all men can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given.” (Matt 19:10-12)
Most men are built for marriage and aren’t designed to live their entire lives single.  If you aren’t able to comfortably live a single life faithfully to God, then God’s protection against fornication is for you to seek marriage (1 Cor 7:1-2).  However, in order for that to happen, you are going to need to start raising your opinion of women and, most likely, be a little more honest with your own shortcomings.

     Should I continue to attend a church that I don't believe is teaching the right things even though my husband is a member there?

Sincerely,
Wondering Wife

Dear Wondering Wife,

Though the Bible says to respect your husband (Eph 5:33), that respect is in subordination to the Lord.  It is important to obey God before man (Acts 5:29).  We must each work out our own salvation with fear and trembling (Php 2:12).  Solomon made the mistake of honoring his wives before God, and he lost everything because of it (1 Kg 11:4).  If the church you are currently attending is not faithful to God’s Word, you must choose a faithful church over your husband.

     My question is one that has been bothering me a lot lately.  I am married and totally in love with my husband.  He is so wonderful to me, and he is a strong spiritual leader for me.  He is everything (and more) that I prayed and asked God for.  But, on occasion, the thought of divorce crosses my mind.  I don't know why it comes into my mind.  I don't want that for my life; when I made my vows to my husband, I didn't make them lightly… not to mention I am so happy and couldn't imagine my life without him.  Now what has been concerning me is in Matt 5:21-30, we are taught that even thinking about sinning (which from my understanding, divorce is a sin unless there has been unfaithfulness in the marriage) can be dangerous for our souls.  I am concerned that because the thought of divorce pops in to my head once and a while that my soul is in danger.  Even though I have no intention of ever acting on that thought, I want to live a happy and long life with my husband.  Do you think that my soul is in danger?  Thank you for your feedback and the work you do.

Sincerely,
Totally in Love

Dear Totally In Love,

Dwelling upon evil desires is sinful (such as lusting after a woman – Matt 5:28), but a thought popping into your head is not the same as dwelling upon evil.

You don’t have complete control over what thoughts come into your mind (this is also true of emotions), but you do have control over what you do with those thoughts.  As a simple example, if someone says the word ‘dog’, you will immediately think of a dog.  Whether you want to or not!  (In fact, you are thinking about dogs right now.)  Jas 1:13-15 points out that sin occurs when we allow our thoughts to dwell upon sinful behavior until we actually act upon them.  Merely having the thought pop into your mind is not the same as dwelling upon it.  You are obviously happily married, have no desire to divorce, and as long as you continue to shove the thought out of your mind as you are doing right now, you aren’t sinning at all.

A divorced man meets his ex-wife and second wife in heaven; what can he expect to be his relationship with both of them?

Sincerely,
Theoreticist

Dear Theoreticist,

Jesus was asked a very similar question by a group of Sadducees in Matt 22:23-28.  Jesus’ answer was simple – there is no marriage in heaven (Matt 22:30).