When Adam and Eve were kicked out of the garden, Adam was cursed with thorns and thistles in the ground while Eve was cursed with pain in childbirth.  Does that mean that my husband has to do all the yard work?

Sincerely,
Wishing I Wasn’t Weeding

Dear Wishing I Wasn’t Weeding,

Thankfully for us guys, that isn’t what that verse is talking about.  Adam was cursed with thorns and thistles as he grew and harvested food from the earth (Gen 3:17-18).  Adam was cursed with having to work hard and sweat to provide for his family (Gen 3:19).  It wasn’t about yard work, but about hard work.  Adam was cursed with having his work be difficult.  It had nothing to do with mowing the lawn and pruning the roses… you’ll have to find some other reason to get your hubby to do that!

I live with my boyfriend whom I have known for five years; I moved in with him eight months ago.  Everything was good and happy the first few months.  Now he stops taking me out and goes places alone.  He sits on his computer and IMs a girl he is planning to go see… but told me at first it was a guy.  He is paying for weekend airfare to Texas from Florida, but can’t take me to dinner.  I love him but don’t know what I should do.  Can you help me get him off the computer and away from a weekend fling and back to our happiness?  It's really all I'm asking for.

Sincerely,
The Way It Was

Dear The Way It Was,

You aren’t happy because you aren’t feeding the needs of your soul.  Human beings are physical creatures as well as spiritual creatures.  The physical part of us wants to fulfill whatever desires we have at the moment – the need for companionship, sexual desires, hunger, anger release, etc.  The problem is that if we live like we are only physical creatures, we destroy our lives.  We aren’t only flesh and blood – humans are made in the image of God (Gen 1:27).  We have souls, and when we make choices that are sinful, we harm ourselves.  It is only when we depart from evil that we preserve our souls (Pr 16:17).

God intends for a man and a woman to live together only when they are married (Heb 13:4).  Living with your boyfriend erodes the relationship instead of bolstering it.  Living with your boyfriend is sinful, and it is no surprise that you are having problems because of it.  Living with your boyfriend was a fleshly decision, not a spiritual one.  Only in marriage will God bless you with happiness.  Since your boyfriend hasn’t committed to be your husband, it stands to reason that he isn’t committed to you.

You need to move out.  You are sinning (1 Cor 6:18).  Only when you begin to live your life by God’s standard will you feed the needs of your soul and be truly happy.  Jesus said that He is life (Jhn 14:6).  Only by following Jesus’ teachings found in the Bible will you find true happiness and eternal life.  Flee from immorality and begin to live by God’s standards.  Feel free to write us back at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist, and we will be happy to teach you how to start a new and happy life in Christ.

As a Christian, I refrain from using sinful language.  I ask you, what should I do when the person I love does this?  I do not want to be a “Bible Thumper”, but I do find it very disrespectful not only to me, but to my Savior.  I try to set a Christian example before him, but at times, I feel as though it doesn't help.  Any advice would be very helpful.

Sincerely,
Biting My Tongue

Dear Biting My Tongue,

Wives have a unique ability to win their husbands without a word.  1 Pet 3:1-2 says that a wife can often gain her husband and turn him to righteousness as he sees her chaste behavior.  Men are often convinced and converted by the kindness and patience of women.  When a man’s wife/girlfriend/mother behaves morally, even when he isn’t behaving morally, it is as painful as pouring coals of fire upon his head (Rom 12:20-21).  A man’s conscience is burned by a woman’s faithful example.  Feel free to tell him when you are offended by his language, but do it with meekness instead of anger (1 Pet 3:3-4).  Don’t force him to behave as you do… force begets more force, and the average man will fight fire with fire.  Instead, respectfully continue to do the right thing yourself, and you may just find that you will win him over (1 Cor 7:13-16).

I may be given an opportunity to be on the reality show ‘The Bachelor’.  Would this be bad?  Also, when you are dating, what point should the line be drawn at for intimacy?  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Moment Of Fame

Dear Moment Of Fame,

The line should be drawn significantly before one begins cavorting semi-nude in a pool with a harem of women.  We admit that we have never seen the television show ‘The Bachelor’, but the commercials alone are enough to paint a pretty appalling picture.  Women are degraded and dress immodestly (1 Tim 2:9), love is replaced with lust (Rom 6:12), and men give a horrible example of what being a worthwhile mate should be (Eph 5:25, 1 Tim 5:2).

Christians are supposed to live godly and holy lives, leaving the intimacy of the sexual realm to marriage (1 Thess 4:3-5).  Reality television shows with this type of content shouldn’t even be watched by Christians.  We live in a world that panders to the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life (1 Jn 2:16).  Christians are to seek God with self-control (2 Pet 1:6).  The marriage bed is to be held in honor (Heb 13:4).  Shows like this neither teach self-control or hold marriage in a place of honor.  Yes, it would be bad for you to participate in ‘The Bachelor’.

If a husband cheats on his wife, is there an easy way for her to forgive them both?

Sincerely, Cut Deeply

Dear Cut Deeply,

No, there is no easy way to forgive. Forgiveness isn’t easy. If God commands us to do something, it probably isn’t easy. That is why it is a narrow and hard-to-travel road to be a Christian (Matt 7:13-14). Forgiveness requires us to take a loss and to accept a wrong done to us without vengeance (Matt 6:12). Forgiving others is a task that becomes more difficult the deeper the wound is. It might be easy to forgive a small unkindness, but something as wounding as adultery is a great injury. It is so severe of a sin that God permits divorce in such cases (Matt 5:31-32).

Whatever happens, don’t let their sins cut you so deeply that you become a bitter, angry person. Bitterness is a disease that can destroy us from the inside out (Heb 12:15). Bitterness is like poisoning yourself and expecting others to die. Forgiveness, in the long run, helps you to move forward with your own life and enjoy its sweetness.

Anything is possible through God (Php 4:13, Lk 18:27). There are many Christians who have forgiven their spouses and gone on to have happy and wonderful marriages together. It will take time, but you can forgive. God will not let you be tempted beyond what you are able (1 Cor 10:13).