My daughter left home and moved in with a boyfriend.  She is doing everything a married couple would do, including sleeping with him.  If they both get married after living together for months, does that erase all the sin they have committed?  I was always taught living together before marriage is a sin.

Sincerely,
Vexed Mother

Dear Vexed Mother,

Living together before marriage is a sin (see “Living Together” for more specifics on that topic).  If they get married, it won’t erase the previous sins of fornication… it will only prevent further sinning.  The only thing that can erase sin is the blood of Christ (Heb 13:12).  Until your daughter and her boyfriend commit their lives to Christ, all of their sins remain on their records.  All mankind has sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Rom 3:23).  If your daughter ever does become interested in talking about spiritual things, here is a list of several articles and resources that you might find useful:

“Does God Exist?”

“God Is Alive”

“Gute Enough For Gutenberg”

“What Must I Do To Be Saved”

“Preacher Interrogation”

“Finding A Church”

Also, sermons.mvchurchofchrist.org (our downloadable sermon catalog) has multiple lessons that might be helpful to her.

The Bible clearly talks about marriage and divorce, but what, if anything, does it say about "annulment"?  Is this a man-made concept, and if so, does God recognize it?

Sincerely,
Technical Details

Dear Technical Details,

Annulment is a legal procedure for declaring a marriage null and void.  Unlike divorce, it is considered to be retroactive: an annulled marriage is considered never to have existed.  That is all legal jargon, but ultimately, it is the same thing – an annulment is just another type of divorce.  God never makes any distinction between the two.  Once you are married – you are married.  It is as simple as that.  Mankind often tries to circumvent God’s laws by changing the language and using “lawyerly” language, but God will not be deceived (Gal 6:7).

Is a woman actually supposed to submit her husband, or is that a different religion?

Sincerely,
Ladies First

Dear Ladies First,

The Scriptures do say that a woman needs to submit to her husband (Eph 5:33), but that doesn’t mean she has to submit to all men – just the man that she chooses to trust and spend the rest of her life with.  Furthermore, just as a wife has certain responsibilities to her husband, a husband is a servant to his wife.  A godly husband must love his wife as his own body (Eph 5:28).  He must also serve her with a sacrificial love, the same type of love that drove Christ to give Himself up for the church (Eph 5:25).  Marriages are built upon love and respect; they cannot function properly without a husband receiving the respect his soul desires and a wife receiving the love that her soul yearns for.  That is why it is so important that men and women marry people who will serve God and commit themselves to a Bible-guided marriage.

I WANT TO DIVORCE MY HUSBAND; HE HIT ME TONIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME, AND HE IS VERY HOTHEADED WHILE BEING A POLICE OFFICER. WILL THE LORD FORGIVE ME FOR DIVORCE DUE TO PHYSICAL ABUSE???????

Sincerely,
Angry In All Caps

Dear Angry In All Caps,

We cannot imagine the emotional turmoil, anger, hurt, sorrow, and frustration that you are feeling right now.  Any husband that hurts his wife physically or verbally is not showing love or treating her "as his own body" as the Scriptures say he should (Eph 5:28).  He is sinning, but don't compound that sin by sinning yourself by divorcing him.  The only Biblical reason for divorce is fornication (Matt 19:9).  You have every right to separate from him, but if you do, you are still married - just separated.  You can move out, and if you don't feel safe - you should.  Your marriage needs counseling, and we recommend you find a Biblical counselor in your area that will help you and your husband through these trials.  Find a counselor that does not view divorce as an option - we would be happy to help with that if you would like.  May God give you peace in this time of trial.

I was told recently by my pastor that an elder should always put his congregation first, even before his wife.  I believe that to be incorrect.  I always thought that we should all place God first, our spouses second, and our children third, and that is the model for a christian family.  I believe that to be one of the most significant examples to your congregation.  Am I correct, or am I wrong about this?

Sincerely,
Ducks In A Row

Dear Ducks In A Row,

You are right.  The Scriptures are clear that being an elder is a voluntary position (1 Tim 3:1).  A man can resign from the eldership, but he can’t resign from his marriage or his family.  God makes it clear that when a man marries, a large portion of his life becomes dedicated to caring for his wife’s needs (1 Cor 7:32-34).  Furthermore, husbands are clearly told that they must care for their wives as much as they care for their own bodies (Eph 5:28).  A man is a husband for life; he is an elder by choice for a time.

His relationship with his children is also not optional.  A father has various responsibilities to his offspring (Eph 6:4, Col 3:21, Heb 12:9, etc.).