Is it wrong to go to a different church than your husband?  If I cannot convince my husband that the church we're attending isn't 'feeding' me anything and it's more of a social occasion than learning about God's Word, is it okay to go to a church I'm being led to attend?  My husband is a good man, but he goes to church to see other people, especially the men's breakfast before church where he 'cheats' on his doctor's orders to not eat doughnuts, sausage, etc.  I know he's not going to learn more about living under God's Word because he usually nods off within two or three minutes of the preaching!  So, as a wife, am I supposed to keep going to this lukewarm church, or can I go to another church I feel like I should be going to and pray for him to feel a desire to follow me??

Sincerely,
The Good Wife

Dear The Good Wife,

God makes it clear that we each have an individual responsibility to work out our own salvation (Php 2:12).  Only one relationship is more important than your marriage… your relationship with God.  In a perfect world, you and your husband would both seek the Lord with equal vigor and passion, but unfortunately it doesn’t sound like that is the case.  You have a higher responsibility to God above anyone else.  You must subject yourself to God’s wishes before your husband’s (Mk 12:28-30).

My wife does not want to attend the church we go to now; I think it is because she was offended, but she wants to change churches.  If she does, do I have to go with her (because I like the church we are in now)?

Sincerely,
Disconnected at the Hip

Dear Disconnected at the Hip,

One of the great misconceptions about churches is believing the way to find a good church is to find one that fits your personality, lifestyle, and desires.  This is wrong.  Paul teaches that those who search for teaching that “tickles their ears” will always end up falling into false doctrine (2 Tim 4:3-4).  Most churches cater to the desires of the culture and society… this is wrong.

When searching for a church, you must ask the question, “Does this church follow the New Testament pattern?”  The local church needs to be the pillar and ground of the truth (1 Tim 3:15), ground zero for basic Bible teaching.  A church that will buy the truth and not sell it (Pr 23:23) is a church that will help you get to heaven.  We recommend you read “Finding The Church” and “Preacher Interrogation” for further details on the topic of finding the local church.

You and your wife need to work as one unit (going to separate churches is a sign of a real marital problem - religion is a huge factor in marriage problems) and make sure that where you are going isn’t based off of how you feel, but grounded in Biblical truth.

My husband and I have had a difficult marriage and were on the verge of discussing a divorce when a mutual male friend of ours (also having marriage problems) kissed me.  My husband and I are now about to start the divorce process, and I am in love with another man, the friend; we will call him Steve.  Steve and I are friends.  Steve's wife and I are friends, and I have been trapped between them for weeks.  The problem is, I am so in love with him that I can't see clearly.  He says that he feels the same way for me, but he doesn’t want to tell her because they have a baby.  She said that she will fight to the death for their marriage, and he says that their marriage is already over.  I am so hurt, confused, angry, lonely, and mad at myself and him and her!!!  I could possibly lose both of their friendships and his love... what can I do?  Please help!!!!!!!!

Sincerely,
The Other Woman

Dear The Other Woman,

We will give you the same advice Jesus gave to an adulteress woman: go and sin no more (Jhn 8:11).  You are married and in an adulteress relationship with another woman’s husband.  That is wrong.  You only have one choice: flee fornication (1 Cor 6:18).  You have millions of emotions running through your mind and heart and are – by your own admission –deeply confused.  Don’t trust your own judgment; trust the Scriptures.  God hates divorce (Mal 2:16).  What you are doing is deeply sinful, and your soul is in great peril.  You think your friendships are what are at stake… it is your very soul that is on the line.  Permanently cut off your relationship with this man now.

You mention that divorce is a sin.  I know the Bible states that God hates divorce, and one is only able to remarry if their spouse committed adultery; however, I do not find in Scripture that divorce is a sin.  Don't get me wrong (as I am not advocating divorce), but if one divorces for any other reason, it doesn't seem sinful, but that person would need to remain unmarried.  What scripture are you using to determine that it is indeed a sin?

Sincerely,
Pin The Sin

Dear Pin The Sin,

Divorce is allowed when fornication has taken place (Matt 19:9).  Divorce for the wrong reasons is a sin.  Since God only permits divorce in the case of sexual immorality – by default, all other divorces are sinful.  However, it is permitted for a couple to legally separate if they cannot live in harmony with one another (1 Cor 7:10-11).

Dear preacher, my name is (omitted), and I am a christian.  I trust your competence and knowing of the Scriptures, and I would like to ask you one very serious question.  At least, it is very serious for me.  I am married to a non-christian girl.  She does not want to know about God and about the Bible even though she respects my faith and is not against me attending the church meetings.  We are going to have a child soon, Lord willing.  She wants to baptize the child according to Russian Orthodox tradition in the Russian Orthodox church.  I tried to explain to her that this is not according to the Bible, that this is not what God wants, and that this is not true baptism because the child cannot even understand what is being done with him... she insists on baptizing the child, which, Lord willing, is to be born soon.  What should I do in this case as a christian?  Should I let her baptize the child if she really insists on this?  I do not know what to do... I want to save our family... I really want to save our family.

When she told me that she wanted to baptize the child in the Russian Orthodox church, I told her that if she really believes in this (in the necessity of baptism of infants) - I cannot stop her from doing this... I told her that if she wants to do this – I’d let her do this, but I will not do anything to support her.  I will not even take her with our car to the Russian Orthodox church for this purpose.

I also told her that when our child reaches certain age, I will take him to the children’s Bible classes at our congregation, so that he would be able to know about God from the very early years of his life.  She told me that she will not let me do this - if I do this, she will leave me and will take the child with her.  I am in great despair at this moment.  I want to save our family, but it seems that if she does not change her attitude - this will not be possible.

Sometimes, I want to tell her that if she really insists that she will not let me take the child to the children’s Bible classes - she should leave me right now.  Should we get divorced based on 1 Corinthians 7?  I never thought that she would become so hard-hearted.  She believes that the commandments of the Lord in the Bible make people limited and cause them not to enjoy their life in full.

I have made certain mistakes as a person not really experienced in marriage, but each time I asked her to forgive me, it seems like she forgave me.  In the same way, she made mistakes… which I forgave.  But I do not know what to do in this case.  I really need your help and your advice.

Sincerely,
Unorthodox Father

Dear Unorthodox Father,

Our heart really and truly goes out to you - you are obviously "unequally yoked" in spiritual matters (2 Cor 6:14).  There is no simple answer in this case, but there are some principles that you should consider.

1. You are the spiritual head of your household, and you have a responsibility to guide your family in God's ways (Eph 5:23).
2. This responsibility means that you must behave as Christ does towards His church - sacrificially and lovingly.  Being a husband means that you must pick your battles; be the first to forgive and the first to show kindness (Eph 5:28-29).  The spiritual direction of your child's life is a battle worth picking, but if you are constantly fighting over less important things... the issues that matter won't be treated with the gravity that is necessary.
3. If she does baptize the child in the Russian Orthodox church - it won't matter.  The child will get wet, but it won't affect its soul.  Take comfort in that.
4. You mentioned 1 Cor 7 - if she wants to leave, you can let her go (1 Cor 7:15), but that doesn't mean you should hope that she leaves.  As long as she wants to be married to you – even with your religious convictions – you need to try and make your marriage work (1 Cor 7:12).  As frustrated as you are right now, you never know if your good behavior might get her to see the light (1 Cor 7:16).

In short, hang in there.  Stand your ground on moral principles and give way on matters of opinion.  The Lord will bless you, and your child, in your faithfulness (Rom 8:28, 1 Cor 7:14).