The Bible says in the New Testament that a deacon or pastor should be the husband of one wife.  I attend a Baptist church that does not allow a man to be a deacon or pastor unless he has only been married once in his lifetime.  I do not disagree with this and I believe this to be true, but my question is if the pastor or a deacon in my church has had sexual relationships prior to meeting and marrying their first and only wife, would this not disqualify them from their office of pastor or deacon?

Sincerely,
Double-Checking

Dear Double-Checking,

The qualifications you are referring to occur in 1 Tim 3:2, 1 Tim 3:12, and Tit 1:6.  The term ‘husband of one wife’ literally means ‘a one woman man’ in the original Greek.  In order to be a deacon or a pastor, a man must have shown himself to be dedicated to one woman and committed to monogamy.  Previous relationships before marriage would not necessarily disqualify a man from serving, but all those details must be considered before appointing a man to the position of deacon or elder.  The question is simply, “Is this man a dedicated one-woman man?”  Answer that question, and you will know whether he is qualified.

(This question is a follow-up to “A Theist And An Atheist”.)

I understand that marrying a non-believer may not be the smartest thing to do because it is likely to cause more problems than if you married a Christian; however, would it prevent me from going to heaven?

Sincerely,
Not An Atheist

Dear Not An Atheist,

No single sin will prevent you from going to heaven, but the mentality of “Well, it’s only one sin; maybe it isn’t that big of a deal”… can.  A murderer who repents of murder can go to heaven (Paul did – 1 Tim 1:15-16).  A thief who repents can go to heaven (the thief on the cross did – Lk 23:39-43).  All sins can be forgiven in Christ (1 Jn 1:7), but what you are asking is different.  You are asking whether or not you can do something wrong and it be okay… that is a dangerous path to travel.  The moment we begin “cutting corners” with our salvation, we run into problems.  We can’t tell you that marrying a non-believer will send you to hell, but we have told you that it is a sin.  A sin is a sin – avoid them all.

I have a wonderful boyfriend who is perfect in every way except that he is a strongly believing atheist, but he never imposes his beliefs on me.  I wanted to know if I married him, would it be a sin, what would happen to my soul, and would it be something that would prevent me from going to heaven?  I am confused when I turn to the Bible for answers because 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 and 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 are contradictory.

P.S. I actually just broke up with him a few days ago because I didn't want to be in a relationship that God didn't approve of.  I still love him but am holding off on my permanent decision of whether to be with him or not until I get this question answered.  Thank you so much.  God Bless.

Sincerely,
Not An Atheist

Dear Not An Atheist,

It is wrong to marry someone who isn’t a christian.  1 Cor 7:12-16 deals with what to do if you are already married to an unbeliever (for example if you became a christian after already being married), and 2 Cor 6:14-18 explains what to do to avoid getting into an unhealthy marital situation.  Paul clearly states that christians should seek to marry only those who are also “in the Lord” (1 Cor 7:39).  Right now, your boyfriend doesn’t impose his beliefs on you because he is still courting your affections; once you are married, that will change – it always does.  People are always on their best behavior during the "wooing" stage of a romance.  When you marry a man, you are deciding that you trust him to be the head of your household (Eph 5:23).  You simply cannot trust a man that doesn’t believe in God to properly guide the direction of your family.  Marriage is a permanent decision; you can’t trust this man to abide by the same rules of marriage as you will.  Religion is the most important factor in a marriage because it affects your morals, how you raise children, your finances, your hobbies, how you treat one another, and a thousand other elements of your future.  Do not become unequally yoked to this man.

Hi, my question to you is regarding the Bible… this might sound crazy, but I have not read the Bible, so could you please tell me if sleeping with your first cousin is a bad thing from the Bible’s point of view?  I read that Joseph and Mary were first cousins and married.  So, is it wrong?  Is it a crime?  Is it a sin?  Thank you!!!

Sincerely,
Kissing Cousins

Dear Kissing Cousins,

The Bible never condemns marrying your first cousin.  Even in the Old Testament, the prohibition only extended as far as aunts and uncles (Lev 18:12-14).  First cousins are the closest permissible kin to marry.  There is no sin in marrying your first cousin.

I hear a lot of people saying that men have authority: is that in a marriage, a relationship, just when the Bible speaks of authority… what is it referring to?

Sincerely,
What’s My Job?

Dear What’s My Job,

Men do not have authority in all situations, but they do have authority in some.  Men are authorized by God to be the leaders in the church assembly (1 Cor 14:34).  It is their job to lead prayers, lead singing, teach, and preach in the public church setting.  Men are also authorized to serve as elders, deacons, and preachers (1 Tim 3:2, 1 Tim 3:12, 1 Tim 2:12).

Men are also responsible to be leaders in a marriage (Eph 5:23).  Leadership in marriage does not mean bossing your wife around!  Being a leader means that he must set the tone and direction for the family and be spiritually responsible for his household.  The man must love his wife with a sacrificial love that always puts her first.  He must put the needs of the family above his own… just as Christ does for the church (Eph 5:25-29).

In short, all men are not in authority over all women… men only have specific authority in specific situations, such as marriage and the leadership of a local congregation.