My wife says she won't be submissive; she says she never has and never will, and if that’s the way I think, maybe we should end our marriage.  She also says that submission was only a thing of that time period.  I want to live the best christian life that I can; what should I say or do?

Sincerely,
Too Aggressive?

Dear Too Aggressive,

The Bible never commands a husband to make his wife submit.  God commands husbands to love their wives and wives to submit to their husbands (Eph 5:24-25).  You cannot force your wife to submit to you, nor is it your job to do that.  She will answer to God for the choices she makes in your marriage, and you will answer to God for the choices you make.

Love your wife and care for her as you do your own body (Eph 5:28).  Don't be embittered against her (Col 3:19).  These are the commands to a husband.  When you live a godly life and follow your responsibilities, you show her that there is another way to live.  When a husband lives up to his biblical responsibilities, he becomes a leader in his home.  When he does that, his wife has a leader worth following.

     Has God ever approved of polygamy?

Sincerely,
Double Vows?

Dear Double Vows,

Polygamy is never directly condemned in the Bible, but it is also never condoned .  It is never treated as the standard… only the exception.  There are scores of examples of monogamy being God’s preference for man:

1. Adam & Eve were designed monogamously (Gen. 2:24).
2. No polygamy existed until seven generations after Adam (Gen 4:19).
3. Noah, the last righteous man of his day, had only one wife (Gen 7:13).
4. It is a qualification for an elder (Tit 1:6).
5. It is a qualification for a deacon (1 Tim 3:12).
6. It is a qualification for a worthy widow (1 Tim 5:9).
7. Every New Testament command for a husband or wife assumes monogamy in the commandments (Mk 10:12, 1 Cor 7:3, Eph 5:33, etc.).
8. The comparison of Christ and the church to a husband and wife relies on a monogamous design for marriage (Eph 5:22-23).
9. God clearly states it as His design for marriage in the New Testament (1 Cor 7:2).

On the same hand, there are multiple examples of the pitfalls of polygamy:

1. Sarah and Hagar fought (Gen 16:4).
2. Rachel and Leah fought over Jacob (Gen 29:30-31).
3. Hannah and Penninah’s rivalry (1 Sam 1:2-6)
4. Solomon’s idolatrous wives (1 Kings 11:4)

God allowed polygamy in the Old Testament because the Old Testament was a tutor designed to lead people toward a better and more permanent covenant (Gal 3:24-25).  David lived in a time when God allowed polygamy even though it wasn’t His long-term preference for mankind.  In the New Testament, we are told God desires for marriage to be between one man and one woman (1 Cor 7:2).

Is it a sin to marry or have a relationship with your first cousin?

Sincerely,
Taboo?

Dear Taboo,

The Bible never condemns marrying your first cousin.  Even in the Old Testament, the prohibition only extended as far as aunts and uncles (Lev 18:12-14).  It isn’t a sin to marry your first cousin.  In fact, it hasn’t even been culturally taboo for very long.  Even two or three generations ago, it was much more common to marry a first cousin.  Today, it is an odd thing to see a first cousin marriage, but it isn’t wrong.  Cultures change all the time, and this is a cultural issue, not a Biblical one.

     If a couple gets married by a christian pastor but does not record it with the local government, how does God view it?  I would assume He deems it legal and binding.  But, of course, the government does not view it as legal and binding.  Thank you for answering my question!

Sincerely,
Veiled Vows

Dear Veiled Vows,

Whether or not the marriage is legitimate could very much be debated, but there is really no Biblical precedent for being “married before God” and not married before the law.  Christians are supposed to obey the laws of the land (Rom 13:1-3).  In fact, you can't even find a verse that says marriages need to be performed by religious figures.  If a religious figure could perform a marriage ceremony without legal documentation... why couldn't a Justice of the Peace perform the same ceremony without legal documentation?  The religious leader doesn’t have any more biblical authority to skip the paperwork than the civil leader would.

The Scriptures say that people should get married rather than live together in a sinful relationship (1 Cor 6:18), AND they say that we should obey the laws of the land (1 Pet 2:13-15).  In your scenario, the couple would be obeying one command… but not the other (if they are “not legally married”, that – by definition – means they would be doing something they believe/know is illegal).  We can’t simply obey some of God’s laws and forsake the others.  The sum of God’s Word is truth (Ps 119:160).

     Is it sinful to become aroused? Or have sexual desires?

Sincerely,
Confused

Dear Confused,

Sexual desires are not wrong, but like all desires, they must be fulfilled in only righteous ways.  God designed men and women to be attracted to one another.  God even said, "It is not good for man to be alone." (Gen 2:18)  God's solution to Adam's loneliness was marriage to Eve (Gen 2:24).  Sexual desires are normal, but we must guard against sinful temptations that are often associated with those desires – temptations like adultery, pornography, and other types of fornication.  We should flee from all those things (1 Cor 6:18).  However, the desires aren't in and of themselves wrong; they are just designed to be fulfilled in marriage (1 Cor 7:1-2).