Why do most christians wear wedding rings?  I heard that ancient pagan Romans were probably responsible for beginning the use of engagement and wedding rings.  Originally, the ring was placed on the third finger of the left hand because of a superstitious belief that a vein from this finger runs directly to the heart.  Although this superstitious idea is no longer believed by most people, wedding rings are still placed on the third finger of the left hand by the majority of wearers.  There is nothing in the Bible saying we should do this.  Why have christians held on to this pagan practice?

Sincerely,
Ringed Out

Dear Ringed Out,

Many people wear jewelry that depicts ancient idolatrous behavior (almost all Native American artwork falls into this category) or practice traditions that have ancient pagan roots… the important thing is how those traditions and jewelry are perceived today.  As Paul said, “We know that an idol is nothing” (1 Cor 8:4).  The wedding ring and the tradition of wearing it on the third finger of the left hand have no intrinsic evil to them; it is only if those traditions are perceived as acts of idol worship that they become sinful.  If people believed you were wearing your wedding ring for pagan Roman purposes (or if it offended your conscience), you would have to stop (1 Cor 8:7-9).  However, most wedding ceremonies today state that the ring is a symbol of unending love – not a symbol of pagan worship.  The wedding ring’s beginnings may or may not be idolatrous… nobody knows definitively where the tradition comes from.  Regardless of its past, in today’s society, wedding rings almost universally represent a pure commitment to matrimony.

Is a marriage performed by a woman (clergy, not a judge) valid in God's eyes?

Sincerely,
A Don’t In The “Do”?

Dear A Don’t In The “Do”,

If a couple was married by a woman religious figure, it is probably safe to assume that they weren’t yet christians when they got married.  1 Cor 7:17 and 1 Cor 17:20 say that when someone becomes a christian, they should remain as they are called.  This means that when you become a christian, your pre-christian marriage (along with other commitments) remain valid.  So, if one were to be married by a false religious leader, the marriage would still be valid because the vows still count.

Which brings up a second point.  Marriage is a vow between two people.  Whether it is witnessed by a Justice of the Peace, a ship’s captain, or a minister – it is still a vow.  Who performs the ceremony is a secondary issue from a Bible standpoint (Matt 5:37, Matt 23:16-23).

What does the Bible say about premarital sex?

Sincerely,
Waiting

Dear Waiting,

It is always sinful for people to lay with one another outside of marriage (1 Cor 7:1-4).  Sex outside of marriage is called ‘fornication’ – it is sinful and will bring you into judgment.  Marriage is a sacred institution, and the marriage bed is to be held in honor and left undefiled (Heb 13:4).  Sexual morality is very important, and we are warned that fornication puts the soul in jeopardy (Rev 21:8).

What can a physically abusive man do to stop his ways?  He loves Christ, but he gets mad and flips out; then he repents over and over.

Sincerely,
Hoping To Help Him

Dear Hoping To Help Him,

He can stop his ways whenever it is important to him.  Contrary to what he says, this abusive man isn’t out of control – he can stop being abusive whenever he wants to.  In fact, abusive spouses are in complete control of their behavior.  Saying they “lose control” is just an excuse to continue sinful behavior.  Consider that:

1. Abusers pick and choose whom they want to abuse.  Abusers don’t assault or threaten everyone in their lives, only the ones they claim to love and care about.  Abusers have enough self-control to safely interact with employers, grocery clerks, and a thousand other people.
2. Abusers carefully choose when and where to abuse.  Abusive spouses act appropriately in public but unleash their rage in private.  They have enough self-control to hide their behavior from society.
3. Abusers are able to stop when it benefits them (for example: when the police show up, their boss calls, etc.).
4. Worst of all, the most violent of domestic abusers are able to show enough control to aim their blows where they will be hidden from the public.  Many physically abusive adults specifically pick to leave marks only in places that won’t show.

In short, domestic violence isn’t uncontrollable – it is a choice.  All sin is something we have a say in, and it is our decision whether or not to let it be our master (Gen 4:7).  If you are in an abusive relationship, do not accept the lie that they can’t control their behavior.  Physical abuse is inexcusable.  God says that we should love our children (Tit 2:4) and love our spouses (Eph 5:28).  Domestic violence is the exact opposite of that command.

Why should I wait for sex?

Sincerely,
Just Askin’

Dear Just Askin’,

There are two ways to answer your question.  One way to answer your question would be to list the thousands of statistics that describe how much healthier of a lifestyle monogamy is.  We could explain the risks of promiscuity and the increased failure rate of relationships that pursue intimacy before marriage.  There are studies far and wide that prove the healthiest, happiest, and most well-adjusted relationships are monogamous relationships that wait until marriage… but that isn’t the way we are going to answer your question because as compelling as secular studies are, they aren’t nearly as compelling as the Bible.

The other way to answer your question is to tell you that God says sex outside of marriage is a sin and that we should flee all fornication (1 Cor 6:18).  God designed that level of intimacy for marriage only (Eph 5:31).  Our Creator knows what is best for us, and His Bible says sex outside of marriage is a sin.  That is why you should wait.