Will a Christian man ever get back on the path of life after sleeping with an adulteress woman?

Sincerely,
I Really Messed Up

Dear I Really Messed Up,

Yes, you can be forgiven, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences for your actions.  Paul said that he was chief amongst sinners, and yet, Christ forgave him (1 Tim 1:15-16).  Forgiveness is available when we confess our sins to Christ (1 Jn 1:9) and repent of them (Acts 3:19).  ‘Repentance’ means to ‘change your mind’… literally to make a change in how you think and act.  If you haven’t already stopped the adulterous relationship, you need to – now.  You also need to come clean about it; honesty and truth are a foundational concept in Christianity (Jhn 8:32).  Deception destroys; open truth illuminates (Jhn 3:19-20).  You have dug a big hole for yourself… it is time to get to work filling that hole back in.

Of course, all of this is moot if you aren’t a christian yet.  To see what the Bible says it takes to become a christian, read “What Must I Do To Be Saved?”.  It is obvious you want God’s forgiveness, and the Bible is the only book that can tell you how to get it.

     My boyfriend of thirteen years told me he can no longer have a relationship with me because I don’t attend church.  He said I need to follow his path.

Sincerely,
Ex-Girlfriend

Dear Ex-Girlfriend,

We would have to side with your ex-boyfriend on this… but give us a second to explain why.  The end goal to your relationship is marriage, and ‘inter-faith’ marriages have disastrous results, an awful track record, and God warns against them.  No matter how much you love each other, there are only four possible outcomes to a marriage between to people that don’t have the same spiritual goals, and only one of them is good:

1. You eventually convert, obey the gospel, become a christian, and are saved (this would be a really GOOD outcome).
2. He eventually forsakes the Lord, and you are both lost (BAD).
3. You both make compromises in your beliefs, and neither of you is fully committed to anything (BAD).
4. You both eventually renounce both of your belief systems, and are both lost (BAD).

The only positive outcome is the first one, and that isn’t any more likely to happen after you are married than before.  From your boyfriend’s perspective, if you aren’t with him on this journey to serve Christ – neither of you is going to be happy, with potentially eternally disastrous consequences.

God warns against being ‘unequally yoked’ to someone with different values than you (2 Cor 6:14-16). Once you get married, you are ‘yoked’ to that person with a lifetime agreement. A godly marriage is designed around unity (Gen 2:24). If you aren’t unified on your core belief system, then everything else will be affected. Where will your children go to church? How much money will you contribute to church?  What happens when you disagree on moral decisions – what is the standard you will use to come to an answer? These are just a few of the thousands of day-to-day problems you will run into. God tells us that a christian should marry someone ‘in the Lord’ (1 Cor 7:39).  If you are serious about this guy, you need to ask yourself if it is worth looking into Christianity to see if there is a reason that this wonderful man finds it so important.  Either way, you are both better off knowing where you stand before entering into a heartbreaking marriage.

Is it a sin to be married when I was divorced before?  Will my husband go to hell if he stays married to me even if I was married before?

Sincerely,
Worried Wife

Dear Worried Wife,

It isn’t necessarily a sin for you to be married when you have been divorced before.  The situation depends on a lot of various factors, but be wary of anyone that tells you that Matt 19:9 forces you to divorce your current spouse and nullify your current marriage; there is more to it than that.  This issue is a big issue, and each individual must study the Scriptures concerning this before making a personal decision about it.  Whenever people send us questions dealing with marriage, divorce, and remarriage, we always point them toward our sermon series on the topic.  That series should answer most questions about the subject.  If there are still questions after listening to those five lessons – feel free to write back, but please make sure to include your e-mail, so we can contact you directly.  Here is a link to that series of sermons: “Marriage, Divorce, And Remarriage”.  We appreciate your desire to find and do what is right.

     I was married for twenty years, and we separated due to another female in church; I prayed that our marriage would not end and we would reconcile.  But that didn't happen; we were divorced, and he remarried after two weeks.  Can you tell me why my prayers were not answered?  And why they committed adultery, lied, and even stole from the church but still think that what they did was not wrong? Thank you.

Sincerely,
Devastated

Dear Devastated,

God desires for all of us to purify our hearts and minds and turn from sin, but He also gives us the freedom to choose for ourselves.  God has multiple principles that He must keep in balance at all times.  God hears prayers, but He also allows people to decide for themselves whether or not to be righteous or wicked.  If God simply forced people to become better people, that would remove our freedom of choice.  After all, He tells us that we reap what we sow in this life (Gal 6:7).

We cannot imagine the amount of pain you have been through.  It isn’t that God doesn’t hear prayers; it is that your husband chose to do something sinful.  God doesn’t like it (Mal 2:16), but as we said, God still respects our freewill.  As for how these two people can believe that what they did was okay… sadly, when we choose to do wicked things, it can sear our conscience (1 Tim 4:2), and people rationalize all sorts of sinful behavior because they “feel” it is right.  Every man believes he is right in his own eyes, but in the end, the Lord makes a just judgment (Pr 21:2).

     My boyfriend and I have been living together for about four years.  We have a one-year-old son and are both very active in his daily life.  To us, we have a perfect family, although we are not technically married.  We love each other very much and do plan to spend the rest of our lives together and have made that commitment to one another.  We would, however, like to wait until we are more financially stable to have a wedding ceremony as that can be quite expensive.  We recently rededicated our lives to Christ and are wondering if we are living in sin.  I believe that we are, but I am not sure what we should do about it.  Does God expect us to no longer live together, to rip our family apart and destroy our son’s happiness?  My boyfriend will not get married now as he does not believe we are living in sin as long as we are 100% committed to one another and have made a vow to one another and God that we plan to spend our lives only with one another.  I really want to live my life for God and I do in all ways but this.  I cannot imagine allowing this to destroy my family.  Please offer some advice.

Sincerely,
Mixed Emotions Mom

Dear Mixed Emotions Mom,

There is nothing more important to God than you, your boyfriend, and your child.  God loves us so much that He sent His only begotten Son to die for us (Jhn 3:16).  As a parent, can you imagine how deep His love for us must be to make such a sacrifice?

God wants what is best for us.  The best thing is for you and your boyfriend to get married.  Living together is wrong, and no matter how committed you are, it isn’t the same as being married.  In Jhn 4:18, Jesus told a woman that she was not married even though she was living with a man.  No matter how your boyfriend feels about you, he isn’t your husband.  Show him Jhn 4:18, and then ask him (since you said you are both committed to serving Christ) what he wants to do about it.

As far as the costs involved with getting married, you don’t have to have a big wedding – a quick trip to the courthouse is perfectly fine.  Save up and have a big party later.  A big, extravagant ceremony is just a luxury, but being married is an issue of morality.

God doesn’t want to rip families apart; He wants us to be saved and to build our lives upon a proper foundation – Jesus Christ and His Word (1 Cor 3:11).  It may seem like your life is working well now, but we can guarantee you that not listening to the Bible always makes things worse.  There are some things that your child doesn’t fully understand but that you, as the parent, realize are dangerous or important.  God is the same way.  You don’t see why it is so important to be married, but God says it is.  Will you trust Him, or will you trust yourself (Rom 10:17)?  The answer to that question will decide your future and set the tone for your life and for your son’s life (Pr 22:6).