My husband stopped going to church with me; I am trying to be a "submissive wife" and do as God commands us. My question is: am I to stop going to church because my husband stopped? And if I go without him, am I being disobedient in God's sight? Please help me. As of right now (three weeks), I have not been to church, and it is crushing my heart!!! I want to serve God and do His will, but all I have to go on is the women in my church telling me that I must stop coming until my husband starts again, and if he doesn't return, I shouldn't either and that I can praise at home. Well, I do that, but I just want to make sure that this is the correct information about this subject. Thank you!
Sincerely,
Homebound

Dear Homebound,

Col 3:18 says that wives are supposed to be in subjection to their husbands “as is fitting in the Lord”, and not going to church definitely isn’t fitting (Heb 10:24-25). Jesus’ authority supersedes all other authorities in the world, including your husband’s (Eph 1:20-22). You are right to try and be submissive but not at the cost of your spiritual health. In the end, you will stand before God all by yourself (Php 2:12). It is wrong to stop attending the church’s meetings, and it is wrong for your husband to tell you not to go. Now is the time to stand your ground and choose godly behavior.

     We went to a church that believed if you were married more than once you couldn't be a deacon or preacher. This is because the Bible says you can only be the husband of one wife.  Is this a correct interpretation?

Sincerely,
Counting Criteria

Dear Counting Criteria,

The qualification you are referring to can be found in 1 Tim 3:12.  The phrase ‘husband of one wife’ literally means a ‘one-woman man’ in the Greek. He must be devoted exclusively and faithfully to his one wife. A man who is widowed and then remarried could still be properly described as a ‘one-woman man’ because he was completely devoted to his first wife until her death, and now is fully devoted to his current wife.

The question a congregation has to wrestle with is if a divorced brother has shown the character trait of monogamous fidelity. Why did he get divorced? Was it for infidelity? Was he always faithful to her? Did she leave him, or did he leave her? How does he behave with his current wife? How long has he been married to his current wife? The answers to these questions will help assess whether he is a faithful ‘one-woman man’.

Divorce is a red flag that should make us pause before appointing a man as a qualified deacon, but depending on the circumstances surrounding the divorce, the man may still be qualified.

God bless you brethren.  Is it the will of God for some Christians to remain single all their lives and not marry?

Sincerely,
Single

Dear Single,

Sometimes it is God’s will that people remain single.  When Jesus was asked about whether or not it was expedient to marry, He said that there were three reasons people don’t get married.  Mat 19:12 says:

1. They are born to not marry
2. They are made eunuchs by men
3. They choose not to marry for the sake of the Lord’s work.

These three reasons explain all the circumstances in the world where people abstain from marriage.  Some people don’t have the natural inclinations or tendencies toward marriage and finding a mate.  Others have either been physically or emotionally impacted so that marriage is no longer part of the equation for them.  And lastly, some people voluntarily abstain from marriage in order to be more effective servants for the Lord (1 Cor 7:32-33).  In each of these circumstances, there is a reason for the person abstaining from marriage, but only the first reason shows God’s hand.

     My husband is a good christian and a kind man.  He is an attorney and works very hard, but he just can't seem to attract a steady flow of income.  My mom and I pray for him every day.  It makes me wonder, after twenty-four years of marriage, why God does not answer our prayers.  I don't know what to do if we are somehow blocking God's blessings somehow.  I don't know how to help my husband.  Obviously, God must be waiting for some good reason, but it is difficult when the lights go out or we can't afford even the basics.  He will get good clients for a while and then have a long dry spell.  Do you think the Lord is trying to teach him something?  So many thoughtless people have money and security.  It seems the Lord is looking the other way (although I praise Him for His blessings every day).  What can I do?

Sincerely,
Lawyer’s Wife

Dear Lawyer’s Wife,

We all have our struggles, and it sounds like this one is your family’s.  It would be easy to give you advice if your husband was unwilling to work, but as you said, that isn’t the case.  Sometimes, good people struggle with burdens that seem very unfair.  After all, the righteous David had to hide in caves and mountains while wicked Saul lived in luxury.

In Ps 73:3-12, the psalmist, Asaph, ponders why it is that wicked people prosper and the righteous are downtrodden.  The question vexed him deeply because his enemies succeeded while he, a godly man, was constantly in pain (Ps 73:13-14).  Eventually, Asaph went to the temple and thought about the end of a wicked man’s life (Ps 73:16-17).

A life of wickedness is a slippery slope – one lie leads to another until all you have is a tangle of lies and deception (Ps 73:18).  The wicked man has no peace because he is totally dependent upon his own strength and wiles for success… every moment of life is lived upon a precipice (Ps 73:19).

Contrast that life to one of a righteous man.  God holds the hand of the righteous, so they will not despair (Ps 73:23), and God is a righteous man’s counselor and friend (Ps 73:24).  Ultimately, the righteous go to heaven, and the wicked spend eternity in hell (Ps 73:25).

It may seem like wicked people prosper, but eventually, their wickedness becomes their downfall.  Sometimes, their sins take years to catch up with them (pay attention to some of the latest headlines in politics and Hollywood), but they always do.  If a man becomes wealthy through evil… he may have money, but he won’t have peace.  As Pr 15:17 points out, a wealthy feast filled with hatred isn’t nearly as enjoyable as a humble meal eaten with loving friends.  Financial prosperity is not synonymous with happiness.

You are doing the right thing.  Continue to encourage your husband.  You are learning one of the most valuable lessons in life – to be content with what you have and place your trust in the Lord (Php 4:11-13).

Today, many older people cannot afford to marry due to funds they get  each month for different reasons.  They will lose part of their money.  What does a christian do about this problem?  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Social Insecurity

Dear Social Insecurity,

There is a reason that the marriage vows include the words “for richer or for poorer”.  We can certainly sympathize with difficult financial circumstances, but money problems aren’t an excuse for living together outside of wedlock.  Young and old alike have financial considerations to factor in when getting married.  God promises that if we trust Him and do what is right, He will always take care of us (Rom 8:28).  If two people truly love each other and want to get married, then they should both count the cost and just say, “I do”.  No matter what, it would be ungodly to have sexual relations outside of marriage (1 Cor 7:2).