My grandmother is Christian, but she has been married twice.  Both of the men she married are also Christian.  The first guy she married cheated on her, so they divorced, but she still loves him, so I was wondering who will she be with in heaven.  Will she be with the first guy she married or her current husband?

Sincerely,
Family Ties

Dear Family Ties,

Jesus was asked a very similar question by a group of Sadducees in Matt 22:23-28.  Jesus’ answer was simple – there is no marriage in heaven (Matt 22:30).  No one will be married in heaven.

I have been dating a Jewish man, and one of our relationship issues is our belief in faith; I have been raised a christian, and saved as one, I am currently thinking of converting to Judaism for faith, but I will not denounce Jesus as my Savior.  What advice would you give someone in my situation?  I love this Jewish man, but I love Jesus and God as well; can there ever be a happy medium where two faiths can live in harmony?

Sincerely,
Hoping For A Hebrew Husband

Dear Hoping For A Hebrew Husband,

‘Inter-faith’ marriages have disastrous results, an awful track record, and God warns against them. The Bible’s most notorious example of this is Solomon. Solomon’s idolatrous wives turned the heart of the wisest man on the planet away from God (1 Kgs 11:4). If Solomon in all of his wisdom couldn’t resist the pull of a false religion, we should consider ourselves just as vulnerable. There is too much at stake. If your heart is turned away from God, your soul will be eternally destroyed (Heb 3:12).  Our caution would be that you must get on the same page religiously before proceeding any further in your relationship.  Jesus says that He is “the way, the truth, and the life, and no one comes to the Father except through Him” (Jhn 14:6).  Judaism simply won’t save your soul – plain and simple.  Jews are still waiting for the Messiah and they don’t accept the saving blood of Christ.

1. No matter how much you love each other, there are only four possible outcomes for a marriage to your Jewish boyfriend, and only one of them is good:
2. He eventually converts and obeys the gospel, becomes a christian, and is saved (GOOD).
3. You eventually convert and obey the Judaism, and you are both lost (BAD).
4. You both make compromises in your beliefs, and you no longer fully serve the Lord (BAD).
5. You both eventually renounce both of your belief systems, and are both lost (BAD).

The only positive outcome is the first one, and that isn’t any more likely to happen after you are married than before. Either he will eventually convert, or he won’t – getting married won’t increase the odds.

God warns against being ‘unequally yoked’ to someone with different values than you (2 Cor 6:14-16). Once you get married, you are ‘yoked’ to that person with a lifetime agreement. A godly marriage is designed around unity (Gen 2:24). If you aren’t unified on your core belief system, then everything else will be affected. Where will your children go to church? How much money will you contribute to Judaism vs. God’s church? What happens when he wants to put up teach Jewish customs to your family? These are just a few of the thousands of day-to-day problems you will run into. God tells us that a christian should marry someone ‘in the Lord’ (1 Cor 7:39). If he really does love the Lord as much as he loves you, his honesty and humility will guide him to accept the truth. If not, you are both better off knowing before entering into a heartbreaking marriage.

Why did God tell David that He would have given him more wives if He had intended for men to only have one wife?

Sincerely,
Monogamous

Dear Monogamous,

Polygamy is never expressly condemned in the Bible.  It is also never treated as the standard… only the exception.  There are scores of examples of monogamy being God’s preference for man:

1. Adam & Eve were designed monogamously (Gen. 2:24).
2. No polygamy existed until seven generations after Adam (Gen 4:19).
3. Noah, the last righteous man of his day, had only one wife (Gen 7:13).
4. It is a qualification for an elder (Tit 1:6).
5. It is a qualification for a deacon (1 Tim 3:12).
6. It is a qualification for a worthy widow (1 Tim 5:9).
7. Every New Testament command for a husband or wife assumes monogamy in the commandments (Mk 10:12, 1 Cor 7:3, Eph 5:33, etc.).
8. The comparison of Christ and the church to a husband and wife relies on a monogamous design for marriage (Eph 5:22-23).
9. God clearly states it as His design for marriage in the New Testament (1 Cor 7:2).

On the same hand, there are multiple examples of the pitfalls of polygamy:

1. Sarah and Hagar fought (Gen 16:4).
2. Rachel and Leah fought over Jacob (Gen 29:30-31).
3. Hannah and Penninah’s rivalry (1 Sam 1:2-6)
4. Solomon’s idolatrous wives (1 Kings 11:4)

God allowed polygamy in the Old Testament because the Old Testament was a tutor designed to lead people toward a better and more permanent covenant (Gal 3:24-25).  David lived in a time when God allowed polygamy even though it wasn’t His long-term preference for mankind.  In the New Testament, we are told God desires for marriage to be between one man and one woman (1 Cor 7:2).

How does adultery affect a family?

Sincerely,
Damage Control

Dear Damage Control,

Adultery is devastating to a family.  Adultery breaks the vows of marriage and destroys the trust that God intended for marriage (1 Cor 6:16).  It is debilitating to the emotional well-being of the spouse that has been cheated on.  God said that marriage is meant to be built upon love and respect (Eph 5:33) – adultery decimates both of those.

Children grow up too fast in a home broken by adultery.  Children are products of the environment their parents create for them (Eph 6:1-4).  If a marriage is hurting, so are the children that are supposed to be protected by that marriage.  A family can survive after adultery, but the damage is deep, and the healing takes time.

My significant other wronged me in a way that is hard to forgive.  He was truly sorry for it, and I said that I had forgiven him (many times), however, I’m having trouble forgetting it, and I get the feeling that since I have not forgotten it, maybe I never really forgave him for it… even though I really want to.  I try to forgive him, and I cannot no matter how hard I try.  I still have nightmares and start to remember what I am supposed to have forgotten.  The nightmares affect how I act toward him in the morning, and I feel terrible about it, but I don’t know how to forget.  What can I do?

Sincerely,
In A Nightmare

Dear In A Nightmare,

If forgiveness were easy then God wouldn’t have had to command us to do it.  Forgiveness is a process that gets more difficult the deeper the wrong done against us.  Forgiveness is an act of showing love and mercy where it isn’t deserved or earned.  God forgives from the greatness of His love (Num 14:19), and forgiving others is part of showing love.  When you think of forgiving your husband (we are assuming that is what you meant by “significant other”) as an act of love, that change of thinking can sometimes make it easier.

It can also help to think about what God has done on your behalf.  When we remember that God forgives our sins, it softens our hearts to remember to forgive others (Matt 6:12-15).  Forgiveness is a heartfelt decision (Matt 18:35) that can take time, but it is ultimately worth it.  If you can’t forgive, you will become bitter… and that is a road that you don’t want to travel down (Heb. 12:15).  Persevere and don’t let your husband’s poor choice poison your spiritual growth.