My girlfriend and I are considering moving out together this summer; we aren't engaged yet but have talked about it, and we strongly feel that God has put us together.  We have been going to church a lot lately and trying to keep our life straight; we have never had sex and have agreed not to until we are married, and since we wouldn't be having sex, would it be a sin to live together?

Sincerely, Home Hunting

Dear Home Hunting,

Moving in together would be a sin as well as a temptation toward further sin. No matter how pure our intentions might be, two people of the opposite sex living together looks bad. Even if you weren’t actually sleeping together, nobody would believe you. God tells us to abstain from every form of evil (1 Thess 5:22). The word ‘form’ in that verse literally means “shape or appearance”. Christians need to not only avoid sin - but avoid looking like they are sinning. A boyfriend and girlfriend living together (no matter how chaste) looks like a sinful relationship. The Bible also tells us to do the things which are ‘honorable in the sight of all men’ (Rom 12:17, 2 Cor 8:21). Consider what living together before marriage does to the honor of your girlfriend. God wants you to do what is in her best interest and uphold her reputation and honor.

Secondarily, the temptation to sleep together will certainly grow with living together. There is nothing abnormal about a man and a woman being strongly attracted to each other. God recognizes that young people naturally are inclined to burn with passion for the opposite sex (1 Cor 7:9). The key is to make sure you don’t put yourselves in a position that could compromise your integrity. We are to ‘flee fornication’ (1 Cor 6:18) and be wise as serpents in regard to righteousness (Matt 10:16). Don’t set yourselves up to sin.

The idea of living together before marriage is a modern one - not a Biblical one. Biblically speaking, if you aren’t ready to get married, you aren’t ready to live together. The deepest act of love you could show to your girlfriend would be to wait until you are ready for marriage.

Titus 1:6 speaks of "the husband of one wife".

Can a divorced brother who is remarried be referred to as “the husband of one wife” and thus be ordained as a deacon?  His wife is also a divorcee.

Please help; I am confused!

Sincerely, Choosing Wisely

Dear Choosing Wisely,

He may be qualified; he may not – your congregation will need to properly judge whether he fulfills the requirements of Tit 1:6. The phrase ‘husband of one wife’ literally means a ‘one woman man’ in the Greek. He must be devoted exclusively and faithfully to his one wife. A man who is widowed and then remarried could still be properly described as a ‘one woman man’ because he was completely devoted to his first wife until her death, and now is fully devoted to his current wife.

The question you will have to wrestle with is if this divorced brother has shown the character trait of monogamous fidelity. Why did he get divorced? Was it for infidelity? Was he always faithful to her? Did she leave him, or did he leave her? How does he behave with his current wife? How long has he been married to his current wife? The answers to these questions will help you to assess whether he is a faithful ‘one woman man’.

You are right to be concerned about him serving as a deacon. Divorce is a red flag that should make us pause before appointing a man as a qualified deacon, but depending on the circumstances surrounding his divorce, he may still be qualified.

 

A few weeks ago you answered a question about inter-faith marriages.  You listed four possible outcomes to the described situation; three of which you labeled as "BAD" and only one as "GOOD."

The first two outcomes are below:

1. She eventually converts and obeys the gospel, becomes a christian, and is saved (GOOD).
2. You eventually convert and obey the Catholic church, and you are both lost (BAD).

Your response implies that Catholics are not Christians and that Catholics are not saved.  I realize that there is only one truth, but many denominations obey the gospel.  Truth is not limited to one denomination.

Where in the Bible do you find that there is only one church that is "properly" Christian?

Sincerely, Accepting Our Differences

Dear Accepting Our Differences,

Where in the Bible do you see there being more than one church that is properly Christian? The burden of proof lies upon those who wish to add churches to God's design. Paul said there was only one church, one doctrine, and one God (Eph 4:4-5). Jesus always referred to His church, not His churches (Matt 16:18). Jesus is head of the church – one head, one body (Eph 5:23). The truth is nobody even fathomed the idea of anything but one church in the first century.

When you write that ‘truth is not limited to one denomination’, you treat that assertion as an established fact… when in reality the opposite is true. Multiple religions are condemned in the New Testament. Any practices other than New Testament practices are condemned (2 Thess 2:15). Christians are warned against warping, altering, and perverting God’s established teachings for His church (Gal 1:6-9, Rev 22:18-19). Furthermore, we are promised that many will claim to have served Christ in this life and will be turned away as false Christians on the Judgment Day (Matt 7:21-23).

The practices of the New Testament church are laid out simply in the New Testament. Any congregation that wants to serve Christ need merely look at the church of the Bible and mimic its behavior (see our post here for further details on finding a faithful church). If a congregation wants to ensure its place as part of Christ’s body, it must submit to Christ’s teachings alone. There can be no man-made creeds, no human ideas and theologies, no statements of faith – just the Bible.

The Catholic church is not the same as Christ’s church, therefore Catholics are not Christians. The Catholic church accepts the pope as it’s head, placing his authority above the Bible. Their practices fit perfectly with Paul’s definition of what false religion looks like: forbidding marriages and abstaining from certain foods (1 Tim 4:1-3). Catholic priests expect to be called ‘father’, a practice in direct contradiction to the Scripture (Matt 23:9). The church of the Bible looks nothing like the Catholic church – you cannot be both a Catholic and a Christian.

I'm a christian woman in my late twenties, and I am unmarried.  In high school and college, I always seemed to be dumped by guys who went after the less moral girls.  Now, I'm wondering if my piousness was worth it.

Sincerely, Staring Down Thirty

Dear Staring Down Thirty,

Better to be single and going to heaven than married to an idiot who only was interested in you for your licentiousness. The reality of your situation is unfortunate. We live in an age where people are attracted to low moral standards in women. This means that good, faithful, pure women (such as yourself) get overlooked by much of the male population. Understandably, that same group of men is of an amazingly low quality, but that doesn’t remove the sting of rejection. Solomon said that he had seen people suffer for doing the right thing and prosper for doing the wrong thing (Eccl 7:15), but he’d choose morality anyway (Eccl 12:13). You have felt the bitter edge of religious suffering, but many treasures are stored in heaven for your faithfulness (Matt 6:20).

It is often difficult to be content in our circumstances when we wish they were different, and yet that is what God says we should do (Php 4:11). At thirty, your life is far from over! You have a reputation for righteousness, and that will serve you well (Pr 22:1). Pray about it, continue to serve God, put His will first, and you never know what tomorrow may bring (Matt 6:33-34). God promises that He will work all things together for good in your life (Rom 8:28).

One of my friends just left her husband for another man.  It has become a big problem between us.  She said that their "attraction was too great to deny."  She has always been somewhat of a flirt.  She says that it's just her nature.  I don't understand!  Would God make someone to be a natural cheat?  If so, do I have a "nature" that would make me do something wrong?

Sincerely, Instinctively Angry

Dear Instinctively Angry,

Your friend is using an age-old excuse for sin. There is no such thing as an “attraction too great to deny”… just people who wish to follow their lusts instead of their morals. God specifically states that He doesn’t allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able to bear, and that there is ALWAYS a way of escape from sin (1 Cor 10:13).

We all have predispositions toward certain behaviors. Flirtatiousness, temper problems, laziness, depression, cowardliness, alcoholism, etc. are all temptations that pull stronger on some people than on others. You may never struggle with depression, but your temper may always be an issue for you. This is not an excuse for bad behavior, but simply a reality of life. Even as far back as Adam and Eve, God has not accepted excuses for sin (Gen 3:11-13). Your friend has chosen her own lusts over serving God. Instead of fighting against a predisposition towards flirtation, she succumbed to it. She had a choice, and she chose poorly (Gen 4:7).