My question is: are there limitations on telling a lie?  My wife and I have been separated for nineteen months.  My wife is in a relationship presently and seems to be happy even though we are not divorced.  I pay child support for our daughter.  She has asked me to refinance my home and lower the house payment in order for her to make the house payments.  In order to do this, the mortgage company requires that I live there... which will not happen.  If I refinance and answer the question correctly, I will be lying and committing fraud.  Yet, if I don’t, they will lose the house because they are not able to make the mortgage payment.  I want to do the right thing according to God’s Word.

Sincerely,
From The Outside Looking In

Dear From The Outside Looking In,

Lying is never right.  God tells us to be plain and honest people – let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ be ‘no’ (Matt 5:37).  Doing the right thing is hardest when it costs us something… but that is part of taking up our cross and following Christ (Matt 16:24).  Be honest with your wife (who should not be in a relationship with another man… but that is a separate issue), and make it clear that you cannot refinance a home you aren’t living in – that is the law.  Who knows, it may make room for you to have a conversation about reconciliation (1 Cor 7:10-11).

I've been married to my rapist now for twenty-eight years.  I'm not claiming "marital rape", but rather, he raped me when I was sixteen years old.  After several times, I ended up pregnant, and my parents made me marry him.  Over the years, he has cheated more than been faithful, and he has in the past broken my bones.  All these years, he has had a porn addiction to which he still prefers to come in from work and view his garbage on the Internet.  When I complained to someone about it, they apparently confronted him about it, and he apparently told this person that I view this garbage with him.  I do not view such garbage.  I do not stoop to his level.  Really needing your help.  Thank you.

Sincerely,
In Bad Company

Dear In Bad Company,

You have every right to leave him… and for your safety and spiritual health, you probably should.  Matt 19:9 makes it clear that you have a right to divorce your spouse when they have committed adultery (you said he has on multiple occasions).  Abusive husbands paint a picture that their wives can’t leave them… this simply isn’t true.  Even if he hadn’t committed adultery, you should separate from him for your own safety, and if there are still children in the home – leave for their safety as well.  As a victim of domestic violence, you should find a safe place to (at the very least) temporarily move to.  If you need help finding a safe haven for battered women… please e-mail us, and we will help you find somewhere.  Your husband isn’t treating you in a biblical way (1 Pet 3:7), and you have to act.

I have met a woman whom I've fallen in love with.  She has been separated from her husband (who committed several acts of adultery) for over a year and a half.  We wish to marry after the divorce is final; we are waiting on the last court date, which will make it final.  But both of us being believers, we are wanting to know if our relationship will be blessed by God, or are we adulterers ourselves in the eyes of God by starting a relationship before the divorce is final?  I'm good friends with her soon-to-be ex, and I know he has committed countless acts of sexual immorality with other women since they separated.  We both want to have a family appeasing to God, and she already has kids from him.  I guess it’s more of when is the divorce finalized in the eyes of God, so that she is free to find someone else?

Sincerely,
The Other Guy

Dear The Other Guy,

The Lord tells us to be above reproach (1 Tim 6:14) and to do what is honorable in the sight of all men (Rom 12:17)… being in a relationship with a woman who is still married (under any circumstances) violates those commands.  She has every right to divorce her husband (Matt 19:9), but until that divorce is final – she is married.  Therefore, if you are seeing her, then you are seeing another man’s wife.  Regardless of what may be in the future, that is the situation right now.  Each day has enough troubles of its own (Matt 6:34)… deal with tomorrow’s circumstances when they come.  Today, you need to keep your distance and show respect for her marriage, regardless of what duress it is under.

If you marry at a young age without knowing the consequences of divorce, are you still held accountable if a divorce were to happen?

Sincerely,
Youthful Impulse

Dear Youthful Impulse,

Yes.  There are many choices that we make in life that we don’t fully comprehend, but that doesn’t remove the consequences of those choices.  If you are driving down the highway and fail to note the speed limit… ignorance won’t stop the police officer from giving you a ticket.  When mankind makes choices in ignorance, those choices still affect us (1 Pet 1:14).  A marriage is a marriage – there are no exceptions.

If you take the vows of marriage, and one of the couple takes the vows with deceitful intention… are you married in the eyes of God?

Sincerely,
My Word Is My Bond

Dear My Word Is My Bond,

Unfortunately for the sincere-hearted partner, yes they are.  A vow is a vow.  God consistently emphasizes within the Scripture that we should stand by our word (Matt 5:37).  Marriage is a sacred bond that isn’t meant to be quickly loosed (Mk 10:9).  Solomon warns that breaking a vow is a truly heinous thing (Eccl 5:5).  Regardless of the intent behind the marriage (many people get married for the wrong reasons all the time), a vow is a vow.

How a godly person behaves toward their unbelieving or unkind spouse will be noted by God, and it can make a difference (1 Cor 7:12-14).  How you behave as a spouse (regardless of the behavior of your partner) will store up treasures in heaven and impact lives here on earth (1 Pet 2:18-19).