Hello, my question is: what does the Bible say about marriages by the court and not in a church?  Does God see them the same?  IF a guy was once lost and got married in the court and is now pursuing a relationship with God and a relationship with me but hasn’t actually filed for divorce but has been separated for three years now... what do I do?  I’m lost....

Sincerely,
Off The Market?

Dear Off The Market,

This man is married – you shouldn’t be pursuing a relationship with him.  It is a common myth that a couple must be married in a church building in order for the marriage to be valid.  In reality, the Bible never gives a single example of someone getting married in a church building… church buildings as we know them didn’t really even exist in the days of the early church.  What matters is the marriage vow.  Marriage is a commitment between a man and a woman (Matt 5:33)… a solemn agreement recognized by God (Matt 19:4-6).  As you readily admit, this man is separated from his wife but still bound to her.  He is trying to have an adulterous relationship with you.  Honor his marriage and make it clear that you want nothing to do with defiling it (Heb 13:4).

I have some concerns and questions.  First of all, I’m married and am a minister. Recently, my wife began a journey to seek God, and some things she is telling people are kind of far out there.  I have faith in the Lord and know He can do anything, but what I’m puzzled about is that she is telling people that God said she was sent here and once was an angel and that she was the commander of God’s army.  Not only that, but all her siblings are angels (one was a seraphim angel, one was this, one was that).  But I have been talking and walking with God my whole life.  He tells me one thing and tells her something different.  Then, one day, I tell her God told me to tell her to basically stop lying.  She was standing right in front of me and said God said that I was a sinner and to repent.  Then, an hour passes, and she then said God said that He had forgiven me because I didn’t know and had no wisdom.  I was led to tell her the story of the Nephilim.  She  said she was sent here like Jesus and John the Baptist.  This is starting to cause a situation where I don’t know what to do.  How can God lead me one way and lead her another?  I know from the Word many things.  She also said, like John, the Lord took her memory, and now it’s coming back to her.  I need some direction.  I cant fight her anymore, but what she says I am responsible for.  I’m the husband.  I need to know what the Scripture says about this whole matter.

Sincerely,
Conflicting Reports

Dear Conflicting Reports,

You are both expecting the Lord to speak to you directly, but He speaks to us through His Word.  John warned that adding and subtracting from the Scriptures is wrong (Rev 22:18-19).  Paul warned that we should not go beyond what is written in the Scriptures (1 Cor 4:6).  He also said that if even an angel from heaven (which your wife claims to be) were to preach another gospel, they would be condemned (Gal 1:8).  Contrary to what many churches teach, God doesn’t speak directly to us when we go to Him in prayer.  He does answer our prayers, but not with words.  The book of Jude says that we have all of God’s words handed down to us, once and for all, in the Bible (Jude 1:3).  Just because you feel something in your heart, doesn’t make it true.

Religious confusion happens because we take our ideas and ascribe them to God.  That is why your wife has one religious view, and you have another.  God is not the author of confusion (1 Cor 14:33)… people are.  All religious confusion comes from selfish desires, individual ideas, and jealous factions of mankind (Jas 3:16).  When we serve God according to our own ideals, we are zealous but not knowledgeable, and zeal without knowledge is useless (Rom 10:1-2).  The only way to find unity is to use the Bible as our only guide – nothing more.  God only created one standard (Eph 4:1-6); if we want unity, we’ve got to do things His way.  Ask your wife to show you book, chapter, and verse in the Bible that proves she is a reincarnated angel… we have a pretty confident feeling that she will be at a loss for honest words.

(The following is a follow-up to Preying Preacher)

He says the Lord gave him a dream about me, and the Lord put us together; he has been a preacher for ten years… so he says.  I do love him, but I don’t know what to think.

Sincerely,
In A Trap?

Dear In A Trap,

Anyone that tells you that they have had a vision from the Lord is lying to you.  1 Cor 13:8-10 says that all prophecy and visions have ceased now that we have the perfect Bible.  We have written on this topic extensively in “Three Cheers For Miracles” and “I Dreamed A Dream”.  You are being deceived into leading a sinful life.  This preacher is a charlatan and is wickedly conning you into a lascivious relationship.  No matter what he says, you must leave this relationship and never look back.  Sin is sin, no matter how he makes you feel.

Is it right for a married woman and a divorced preacher to be together?  The preacher says that they were put together even though the woman was and still is married.  They’ve been together six months.  Her divorce comes up May 4th.  The preacher is divorced because his ex-wife committed adultery more than once… what to do?  Just want to do God’s will and live right.  Help.

Sincerely,
Spectator

Dear Spectator,

If the woman is married – she needs to stay away from this preacher and any other man other than her husband (1 Cor 7:2).  It seems pretty clear that this preacher isn't paying attention to Scriptures if he is dating a married woman.  Even if she is currently separated from her husband... she is still married and should be trying to reconcile if at all possible (1 Cor 7:10-11).  This is not a man of God and not the kind of man she should be involved with.  In our experience, these types of men prey upon vulnerable women and use God's word as a veil for deceit and lust.  Remember that the devil's workmen disguise themselves as servants of light (2 Cor 11:14-15).

I have a friend at work that is having "cyber" sex relationships online.  And he has a wife; would you consider him cheating on his wife; is that adultery or some form of adultery?  Also, are we sinning by listening to him tell us these stories?  What advice should we give him?  We already told him that he should not be on that website because it might get out of hand.  Please help.  Thanks.

Sincerely,
Concerned Employee

Dear Concerned Employee,

Yes, what this man is doing is a sin.  Jesus says that we commit adultery in our heart when we lust after a woman that is not our wife (Matt 5:28).  There is debate over whether or not what your friend is doing is at a level that can be deemed fornication… but there is no doubt that it is wrong.  Any man that has started a second life (ironically, the same name as the game) in order to pursue illicit relationships is living a very ungodly and harmful lifestyle.

The Scriptures teach that the best thing you can do is to rebuke him privately in hopes that you can win him back (Matt 18:15), but ultimately, you cannot continue to encourage this horrible behavior by listening to him recount his sinful experiences.  Continuing in your current pattern will corrupt you (1 Cor 15:33), and it will continue to feed the flame of his bad choices.  In the end, you are doing him more good by rebuking him than by continuing to flatter him by giving ear to his escapades (Pr 28:23).