How do you convince your spouse that God is real?  He believes one minute, and the next has doubts… which I know is the devil putting the thoughts in his mind.  He says he wants to believe, but then he calls us names and acts like the world.  What can I do to show him you can’t be of this world and of God, too?  He has been going to church and praying to feel God’s presence, but he says he doesn’t feel it, and it is discouraging him; he believes God doesn’t love him, and his heart is hardened like Pharaoh’s.  Are there any words or Scripture you would recommend to me?  Thanks and God bless.

Sincerely,
The Wife Of Mr. Doubtful

Dear The Wife Of Mr. Doubtful,

Your spouse either doesn’t have enough evidence that God exists, or he has a misunderstanding of how God works.  If your husband doesn’t have enough evidence that God exists, we recommend you have him read “Demanding Evidence” and look at some of the reference material from that post.

However, we think it may also be possible that your husband is under the misconception that God is all about emotion.  God doesn’t make us “feel His presence” in any sort of miraculous way.  Certainly, there are times we feel closer to Him than others, but that isn’t miraculous; that is emotional.  God exists whether we feel close to Him or not.  The Bible tells us that God is the same today, yesterday, and forever (Heb 13:8).  Whether or not we feel like God loves us, He says He does (Jhn 3:16), and we’ve got to take His Word for it!  God tells us to worship Him in spirit and in truth (Jhn 4:24).  You might remind your husband (gently) that no matter how he feels about serving God – the truth is that how we live does matter (Jas 2:18-24).  Beyond that, continue to let your influence and uncompromising moral faithfulness affect your spouse (1 Cor 7:12-16).

I have an important question to ask.  I am in a wheelchair, and I’m disabled.  I am in a nursing home now, but I’m getting out of here soon, and I’m getting my own apartment.  The thing is, I cant live by myself because I’m not able to fully take care of myself.  I met a woman that wants to live with me and take care of me for the rest of my life.  I do love her very much, but I can’t get married to her.  The reason why is because I’m on social security disability benefits.  I will lose all my social security disability benefits if I get married.  Will I be living in sin if we live together the rest of my life?  Will I be living a ungodly life?  What if we had a sexual relationship while living together?  Will I be living an ungodly and sinful life?  Thank you for your help.

Sincerely,
Wondering On Wheels

Dear Wondering On Wheels,

There is a reason that the marriage vows include the words "for richer or for poorer".  We can certainly sympathize with your difficult financial circumstances, but living together without getting married is always a sin.  God promises that if we trust Him and do what is right, He will always take care of us (Rom 8:28).  If you truly love this woman and want to get married, then you should both count the cost and just say, “I do”.  No matter what, it would be ungodly to have sexual relations outside of marriage (1 Cor 7:2).

I have married a man whom I think may suffer from narcissism.  At the least, he is not saved.  This has caused him to make some really bad decisions, and now he has gotten hurt from going into the army at an older age.  I could go on and on about his mistakes… no point in that.  What I need to know is what do I do now?  Everyone, including my pastor, says to divorce him.  However, I find no peace in that because I cannot see where laziness, foolishness, etc. are grounds for divorce.  Please advise.

Sincerely,
Wife Under Duress

Dear Wife Under Duress,

You are right to not divorce him.  The Bible specifically says that the only reason you would have a right to divorce him is if adultery had been committed (Matt 19:9).  Since your husband is an unbeliever, the Bible also says that you can accept a divorce from him if he seeks one (1 Cor 7:12-15).  As long as he wants to stay married, you should continue to allow your influence to make a difference in his life.  It is very alarming that a pastor in your church would teach that it is okay to divorce your husband when the Scriptures are so clear on this issue.  We are very sorry that you are going through such an immense struggle at this time.  If you would like help finding a faithful preacher or congregation in your area to get some counseling from, we would be happy to help try and locate one for you.  Our e-mail is askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org.

I am very confused right now.  I know that God wants us to marry if we are to be in a sexual relationship with someone.  My circumstances are different.  I have a child from a previous relationship, and nearly five years later, I met a man whom I fell in love with.  We had a child, and, of course, this made things bad; we separated.  Now I am really trying to learn God’s way and obedience; my sisters tell me that God has someone special for me because they don't like the current man I am with, but then I have heard that you can't find the love from another human being and that you should be trying to find and keep with God.  Should I wait for this mystery man or not worry about it and try to start understanding more about God’s love?

Sincerely,
Looking For Love

Dear Looking For Love,

Before considering marrying someone, you need to know what God says on the subject.  There are many verses that address when you should get married and to whom you should marry.

1. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, literally, a “’til death do us part” vow (Rom 7:2-3).  Anyone you consider marrying needs to be someone that you are willing to commit to and trust through all the trials of life.
2. Husbands are the head of the family (Eph 5:23).  Any man that you marry will lead you and your children by his example and decisions.  Ask yourself whether you trust him to make decisions in your best interest.  Will this man be a husband with a servant’s heart (Jhn 13:13-15) or a husband that rules with selfishness (Jas 3:14-16)?
3. Will He be a man of morality and character?  God tells us that we should only marry those that are “in the Lord” (1 Cor 7:39).  The reason for this is that marriage is the strongest bond with any human you will have in this life.  Bad company corrupts good morals (1 Cor 15:33), and faithful friends make us stronger (Eccl 4:9).  Anyone you marry needs to be someone who will draw you closer to God.
4. The emotion of passion is strong, but it is also fleeting.  True love is not just a feeling… but the choice to live unselfishly for one another (1 Cor 13:4-7).  Make your choice for a spouse based upon the choices he makes, not off of your emotions at the moment.  An emotional decision may very well get you into a marriage you will regret for a lifetime.

And when all is said and done: pray (1 Thess 5:17).  God blesses those that trust Him.

How did people get married in Bible times?  Was it a large ceremony like the ones we have now?  I know the Bible tells us that unmarried sex is wrong, but I was just wondering how people went through marriage then; like, were they married by a preacher/pharisee?  What qualified them as being married in the eyes of God?

Sincerely,
Going To The Chapel?

Dear Going To The Chapel,

The Bible doesn’t say much about marriage ceremonies because they vary so much from culture to culture.  The only detail about marriage that the Bible mentions is the importance and the sanctity of the vows (1 Cor 7:39).  Marriage is meant for a lifetime, and the marriage vows carry the weight of lifetime promises (Mk 10:7-9).  The legal requirements for marriage will vary from one country to another.  God does tell us that we must obey the laws of the government (Rom 13:1-2, 1 Pet 2:13-14).  Make sure to not only make your vows before God, but also do what is right in the eyes of all men (Rom 12:17) by making sure the marriage is legally recognized.